(Closed) FIANCE doesnt want to PARTICIPATE IN ANYTHING NOW!!!

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
357 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

This is so weird! Did your open house have free drinks and food? Who doesn’t want to go to that? We are going to ours tonight and we are both pretty pumped. Just let him know that this is hurting you and this should be a fun time for both of you. I would just ask him to put more effort in for sure….

Post # 5
Member
357 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

What was his response?

Post # 7
Member
1733 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

my fh is like this I usally take his mom to these things

Post # 8
Member
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Mabey  some of his guy friends pounced on him for being “too” in to the wedding planning?  I know Our co- workers pounced on Fi,  so we told them that I am MAKING him go… where as tits closer to hes MAKING ME go… but we’re lying so he can keep his man cards. lol

Post # 9
Member
1733 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I know it can be fustrating but I think of it like this if I bring him he is only going to be irritating and ask if we can leave every two secondsit gives me time to spend with my fmil or my moh.  

Post # 10
Member
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

My dude only wants to be in on the final decision.  He doesn’t want to tour lots of venues, he wants to check out the one or two I like the most and decide from there.  Same with food.  Neither of us really care about decor so who knows what will happen with that.  And I am perfectly capable of hunting down his family’s addresses on my own–it’s easier if I do it anyway.  

The point is that the wedding–I am not talking about getting married, I mean the party aspect–is not exciting to him.  You can’t make him get into it and forcing him or getting pissed off at him is only going to make it worse.  It will turn this thing that is supposed to be a happy occasion into a bone of contention.

My advice is to lay off for a week or two about the wedding–you take a break too!  Make him dinner or go out on a date and then calmly, rationally tell him how you feel. Don’t get mad or lecture.  Just say “Hey honey, I know you’re not interested in the wedding but it really hurts me when you say you don’t want to do anything at all.  I feel like I am doing this alone and I would love your help and input sometimes.   I know it’s not exciting to you but it would mean the world to me if you would help out.”  Pick a few things–like food tasting, DJ selection, wedding cake–that you want him to have a hand in.  Those are mostly fun things that directly affect him the day of so he should be on board witht that.  Take on the decor, rentals and all that on your own.

As for getting addresses–talk to his mom and get as many as you can.  Then use those to get the other ones you need–offer to help her email/call people also.  It’s a freaking annoying thing to do, tracking down a ton of addresses.  I’d avoid doing it too.

Post # 11
Member
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Ya know what, just swing it around and if it makes you happy, get it or agree to that particular food! My fiancé doesn’t have involvement in much Neil I ask him. If he has an opinion, he lets me know and if he leaves it up to me, I’ll have my choice, share it or show it to him and get his opinion back. For instance… He didn’t like our original favors idea so we changed them when he agreed on something that I really dig! Buttt… He had no care in the world about centerpieces, attire, etc… He just told me the colors that he liked and didn’t like although our wedding is black and white fr the most part! We aren’t doing taste testing, our friend works for the venue and we’ve heard amazing things about the food, so we are each picking out dishes that we like 🙂 you just have to present it in a different way, like don’t get mad, just make sure that he knows that you don’t want to burden him with anything but you will make the final choices if that’s okay with him and ask if he’d rather be give options before final choices are selected! My guy loves to be involved in saying yay or nay, like he has the final say… It’s perfect!

Post # 12
Member
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Ooh ps… We’ve agreed that I am handling all wedding matters and he is in charge of all things honeymoon! We won’t be going too far from home because we have a two year old son, but well be about 3-6 hours away, driving wise 🙂 good luck!

Post # 14
Member
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I say LUCKY YOU.  Planned my whole first wedding with literally ZERO HELP FROM ANYONE, he even lamented the few errands we needed done on the last 2 days before leaving.  (one trip to Kinkos, one trip to a calligrapher).  

Now I’ve got help, and I’ve been talked out of white cake (my lifelong wish) and am now having carrot cake AND Red Velvet…now I’m just letting go…

I’d say breathe a sigh of relief and pretend your husband is working in Hong Kong until the wedding Smile

Post # 15
Member
262 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

So sorry lady, it seems that some guys just do not have the same anticipation that we would. I just had this conversation with my guy about the same thing and what I have determined is that I am just going to plan everything with options and have him choose. Easier on me and easier on him. It would be nice though as you said to have the help and share in teh fun of planning your lives together. 

Post # 16
Member
1747 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

My Fiance is similarly over stuff. In the end, I know he just wants to be my husband already, so I am taking this sometimes fun, sometimes awful burden on myself. I think it will be ok without is input into everything.

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