(Closed) Fiancé doesn't want to wear a wedding ring…

posted 8 years ago in Rings
Post # 47
Member
2115 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

My Fiance didnt want one. his dad never had one. i guess his dad wears a necklace. My Fiance says its also bad for his job. since hes a fisherman on the ocean it could get caught or something. but i wont stand for it. as far as the danger goes. a friend said her husband in a rough job wears a gasket rubber thin circle that fits as a ring. that way it would rip if it got caught and he wont be getting away with no wedding ring in another port. know what i mean. so i told him he can hang up the nice ring to wear a gasket cuz i wont give him a choice. esp. since im changing my name and have to wear and engagment ring and a wedding ring. (even though i like it);)

the ring i did get him, just in case he lost it, cost 50 bucks. and matches his boat. i know that sounds weird but by chance it kinda has this fishing wire wrapped around it.

i just couldnt let him get away without one. my dad was a fisherman and wore his always.

Post # 48
Member
1101 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

My Fiance will not be able to wear his ring at work (he fixes heavy machinery) but he is open to wearing it when we go out etc

Post # 49
Member
384 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

View original reply
@Mrs Christopher:  Exactly! Changing your name is very different to simply wearing a symbol on your finger. Both partners are expected to wear rings, whereas the name changing issue is (nearly) always very one sided. Very few guys feel pressured into changing their names.

Post # 50
Member
384 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

View original reply
@somethingaquamarine:  I do get what you’re saying. It’s just the way it was said sounded like you might have been comparing not wearing your ring to keeping your name. Which isn’t really something that should be compared seeing as only one partner is usually expected to do so. 

Post # 51
Member
4250 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

My hubby hardly wears his.  Maybe on weekends, if we go out.  We are still married and commited. 😉  Maybe he find it uncomfy…  IDK, but I would not push it and just ask him to wear it sometimes, like dinners out, family functions etc.

Post # 52
Member
1427 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - parent\'s backyard

I really don’t think you should try to make your SO wear a ring if he doesn’t want to. it’s his choice. 

 

Post # 53
Member
9947 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Well my own view on this has certainly changed over the years.

Rings are really a BIG DEAL here in North America… not so much anywhere else in the world.  In some places men don’t wear Wedding Rings at all… and up until WW II that was also the norm here in North America.  It only really became fashionable as a reminder of the wife & family back home.  Now Wedding Rings for men are common place.

BUT as an Encore Bride of a certain age (over 50) I can say that for sure the men of my Dad’s generation generally didn’t wear em, even if there was one used for the then “fashionable” exchange of rings at the ceremony.

In my first marriage (circa 1980), as a young woman in my early 20s, I felt very much like you do now… absolutely, my Husband MUST wear a WBand… for all the symbolic reasons… a statement of our love, he’s taken etc.

Lol, of course 30+ years later, and a marriage that went off the rails (alcoholism & abuse) and ended in Divorce, I can say that in the end the ring meant more to me, than it ever did to him. 

Truthfuly, I’d have rather have had a good marriage without the “symbolism” than a bad one where he wore the ring everyday (as he did)

This time round,

Mr TTR told me up front that he wasn’t a jewellery guy… (and he cannot wear a ring to work).  He’s over 60, and I know that I’m not going to change his mind at this point in life… so a ring was out.  I was perhaps a tad upset at first… but that didn’t last long.  In the end we found our own compromise to the situation.

He does wear a watch… so I bought him a Wedding Watch to wear.  He likes to joke that it is still his Wedding Band (aka “watch band”) and it did for me fulfill the idea of an unbroken circle… metal band with a clasp, no buckle.  And the “timeless” commitment, and met my need to find something of significance to give him to mark the occasion.

We really made his wish for himself, a part of our entwined lives in the end… as he too gave me a Wedding Watch.

For the actual Wedding Ceremony, we kept the exchange of rings symbolism… except I presented his plain WBand first during the vows, even tho it only got as far on his finger as his first knuckle (as it was sized to fit me)

PHOTO – Wedding Ring being presented to Mr TTR

Then when doing the rings for me, we put two WBands together… a sparkly one that was mine all along, and the plain one. So essentially, the plain one now represents “both of us”. I can wear it as part of my set (ERing & 2 WBands) or I can mix and match it with my set as I see fit. And it comes in handy having a plain band to wear when I find myself doing something that isn’t diamond friendly (Home Renovating – Painting – Deep Cleaning – Gardening – Scuba Diving). And it is nice having a WBand I can wear 24/7 no matter what… I’ve always been the gal who loves rings, so if I have my ring finger empty it would otherwise bother me quite a bit.

PHOTO – All the rings on my WRing Finger as they appeared after the Ceremony.  IRL, I mix em up… sometimes wearing 1, 2, or 3… as my mood and what I’m doing in any one day strikes me (also corresponds to the “stacked” ring trend that is popular now)

Since we’ve been married, and home from our Honeymoon lots of friends have said “Lets see the Rings”… or noticed the lack of ring on Mr TTR and said, “Hey where is your Wedding Band”… at which time he either points to the plain band on my finger… or his Watch Band… and tells whichever “story” fits.  In the end it works for us.

To be honest, it doesn’t bother me one bit that he has chosen not to wear a ring.  Afterall this IS A GUY I TRUST a million times over with my heart.  I have no reason to doubt his faithfulness to me.  So his wearing or not wearing a ring, really isn’t an issue / insecurity of mine.  Lol, but then I’m a lot older woman this time round.

— — —

For the gal who said she’d want her guy to wear a ring because it keeps other women away (saw the ring, and moved on).  I hear ya, but honestly it isn’t a ring that will keep temptation at bay… sadly there are still women who hit on married men… BUT ULTIMATELY it is the man who is responsible for how he acts and the message he puts out there (he could just as easily be a player, who puts that ring in his pocket).

That is WHAT REALLY MATTERS in a marriage, how a guy feels about you in his heart… not what is or isn’t on his finger.  (Lots of men who are exclusive and not married, who also would tell the hot to trot gal to take a walk).

So ya, I don’t buy that argument.

 

Post # 54
Member
1900 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I really didn’t want an engagement ring either, and repeatedly told fiance that. So he went and bought one anyway, because it was something he felt I had to have. I plan on wearing it the day of the wedding and that’s pretty much it.

Wedding rings can be pretty pricy, and if you’re not into jewellery, then they’re more a pain to wear than anything else. My parents never wore their engagement rings/wedding rings and they’re still happily married after 30 years, so I don’t think they’re essential to a successful marriage.

Post # 55
Member
4302 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I could care less if my husband wore his ring or not.  We’re still married.  It’s not like I notice his ring and stare at it when he has it on.  I know he doesn’t wear it during the day at work, and sometimes forgets to put it back on.  He went to the bar once and forgot to put on his ring.  Oh. Well.

In those cases, the ring is only as good as the guy wearing it.  And it’s not like some chick looking at his ring knows he’s married to me.  I actually would have been happy being a ringless couple, but he would have had a fit to high heavens for all the wrong reasons.

Post # 56
Member
1425 posts
Bumble bee

@Brooke1226:  I wouldn’t worry too much about it.  My DH said before and while we were engaged that he didn’t think he would want to wear a wedding band for the same reason, it’s jewelry.  Plus, his closest family members and friends hardly, if ever, wore theirs.  I told him it was important to me and we would try to find something that he loves and would WANT to wear.

Long story short, he wears his once in a while when we go out.  He’s a farmer, so he can’t wear it all the time.  It doesn’t bother me, but it does warm me a bit when he does remember to put it on.

Post # 57
Member
2148 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

My dad has never worn his wedding band, and as a little girl that always annoyed me…women would always try to hit on him when my mom wasn’t around. I would not be ok with him not wearing a ring, what difference does it make if he’s not a jewelry guy? He doesn’t need to wear flashy Mr. T necklaces, it’s a simple statement to the world that he’s not available…If Fiance insisted on not wearing his, I’d push for him to get a wedding band tattoo. A bunch of FI’s friends work in fields where they can’t wear bands, and they’ve all gotten wedding band tattoos and I really like them.I know once I forgot to put my e-ring on, and Fiance wasn’t annoyed that I wasn’t wearing it, but he definitely got sensitive for a minute to see a bare finger.

ETA- every one of my friends who are married all wear their wedding bands, I tend to associate no band with trouble in paradise, just because I never see anyone young, happy, newly married, without a band.

Post # 58
Member
328 posts
Helper bee

My SO has talked about getting a ring tattoo for this reason, would he up for that?

Post # 59
Member
507 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Cabin

View original reply
@lorelai:  we did this too.  

My DH didn’t want to wear one because he is left handed and thought it would always get in the way. He pouted for months before the wedding about rings.  We got a 3mm titanium comfort fit band.  I asked that he try it for awhile.  He would fidget, still takes it off to do certain things, but mostly he is getting used to it, fidgets less, complains less and is getting used to it.  

Have him try a lightweight ring that isn’t expensive, like titanium.  It just takes some time to get used to it.  

Post # 60
Member
862 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Am I the only one whose father actually wears his wedding ring? lol  I also expect my husband to wear his wedding ring.  I know that opinions really vary on this, but as far as I’m concerned, wearing his wedding ring is a part of his commitment to me and part of conducting himself as a married man.  However, there ARE exceptions to this.  I understand that he cannot wear it when he’s in shop class (because he’s studying to be a plumber) and neither of us wear our rings when we go swimming.  Otherwise, we wear our rings as much as we can as a visible sign of our commitment to each other.  Thankfully, we both feel the same way about it.  Can you perhaps talk to your fiance and explain to him how important it is to you?  Perhaps he might be willing to wear the ring if he sees how much you value doing so.

Post # 61
Member
744 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

My father wore his wedding band up until his last breath and was buried with it on. Same with my grandfather. It’s all I have ever known. A married man wears his wedding band. End of story (for me).

Fiance has no problem with this, he knows it is important to ME. This dude even requested an all out blingy band which I so graciously obliged. If there were any point in time that he told me that his did not want to wear  a wedding band, I would be upset. Like really upset and we would have to find some type of compromise that included him wearing that ring lol.

I understand how you feel, but if he is insistent on not wearing one, I  wouldn’t force him. Try to find an alternative that makes you both happy. Good Luck!

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