(Closed) Fiance emotionally cheated before/during engagement, claims to love us both

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 121
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee

You’re making the right decision! it will be hard but stick to it but imagine a life of never trusting your partner. If it were one lie maybe but there are so many here. You can do it!!!!!

Post # 122
Member
218 posts
Helper bee

No, no, no, bee! Please give yourself a chance to find the kind of love you deserve. This man no longer deserves your trust. I hope that you can find the strength to leave. He abused your trust, and took your love for granted. Say goodbye, and take time to heal. You will meet someone better.

Editing to say that I just saw you’ve decided to leave him. Good for you!

Post # 123
Member
1457 posts
Bumble bee

Spend some time at http://www.survivinginfidelity.com, it’s a really great resource! I’m so glad you’re leaving.

I know this might hurt and I’m sorry about it, but after having been a lurker on survivinginfidelity for about 5 years now, I gotta say that 9 times out of 10 when a cheater is caught, they will lie and minimalize what they’ve done and won’t give you the full story. I gotta say, given the nature of their texts and the fact that they’ve been alone, it probably has become physical. I mean, dude has a track record of lying already, he looked you in the face and told you not to worry about her while (probably) fully knowing that what he was doing was wrong.

You’re a strong, smart woman and any guy worth his weight will treat you better.

Post # 124
Member
532 posts
Busy bee

blackwatchjd:   it was spotless because he never got caught. Sadly I agree with all the bees and you should walk away now before things get worse. Do you want to be with a guy who proposed to you while telling another women he loved them? 

Post # 125
Member
14947 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Oh, it’s hard to leave a relationship that long… but when you look back on it after you’re in a better place, there will be no doubt in your mind it was the right decision.  I broke up with an ex of 7 years, 8 if you count the unoffical year, when I was 28… pretty much my entire adult life.  I’m happier now than I could have been with him.  When it’s not right, it’s just not.  Don’t settle for anything less than somone who wants you and only you and treats you right.  

Post # 126
Member
19 posts
Newbee

You are far too smart of a woman to be taken for a ride by this guy. It’s so hard not to make excususes for someone that you love, but this is unnaceptable. 

This quote has stuck with me since I read it. 

“if you love two people at the same time, choose the second. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn’t have fallen for the second.”

 

Do you really wanna be the fall back choice? No girl, go get your fabulous job, start your new fabulous life, and you WILL meet your fabulous man. 

Post # 128
Member
295 posts
Helper bee

Who cares what he thinks at this point, you know your broken up and thats all that matters. Good thing you got all your stuff too!

Post # 129
Member
338 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

blackwatchjd:  so glad to see you’ve decided to end it. Emotional betrayal like this is even worse than physical in my opinion. Please let us know how you are doing tomorrow! 

Post # 130
Member
881 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2006

blackwatchjd:  

Sorry…I didn’t see that you left. Good for you! Go start your new life and career without that loser and find yourself a hot lawyer who adores you. Who cares what he thinks?

 

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  mrswhitecat. Reason: Didn't read last post. Sorry!
Post # 131
Member
1490 posts
Bumble bee

blackwatchjd:  awesome. Good for you! Now torture him with your silence on the subject. disappear from his social media everything. Unfriend his whole family, avoid him everywhere, no talks about the past, the relationship! block his number. Delete his contact. Just stone cold silence. become like a ghost. He won’t know what to do with himself and it will drive him crazy. But your going on to your brand new life, and a life well lived is the best revenge

Post # 132
Member
5891 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

You need to not do any damage control. Let your friends do that. You keep you mouth shut and keep your head held high. If anyone asks what happened, just say “We had different definitions of ‘commitment'” Smile and leave it at that. The married woman (what does her Darling Husband think about this?) will come off as crazy as she walks around bad mouthing you. 

Do you and he live next door to each other? Can you move somewhere further away (even for a few weeks/months)? And remember to block, block, block him from everything!

And right this moment, you need to write your 2am list. That’s the list of all the things he did (like tell you your jealousy and suspicions were wrong) and how it made you feel. Then you pull it out at 2am when you are scared and lonely and can only remember all the good times. 

You are obviously a very strong woman and will get through this rough patch in time. Just take it day by day. Then one day, you’ll look up and realize just how much better your life is!

Post # 133
Member
656 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

blackwatchjd:  He went to this other woman because he didn’t feel equal to you anymore (bad grades, no job lined up).  This woman is giving him something that his ego was missing, because he doesn’t feel good enough right now.  You can’t be each other’s “everything.”  It won’t work and it won’t last if that’s the case.  You both have to feel good about yourselves as separate people first.  I think that he feels stifled by things and is unsure, but needs the safety blanket you provide.  I would try a break and get counseling before making any permananet decisions.  It’s not the situation you are in, it just presented itself now.  You have lots of issues to work through and only you can decide what is right.  Good luck!

Post # 134
Member
59 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I’m proud of you bee for sticking up for yourself. I takes a lot of courage to leave a long term relationship for the unknown. But from the sound of it, you’re saving yourself a lot of heartache down the road. Good for you. You deserve so much better! 

Post # 135
Member
12119 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Let’s see. You were the one who was engaged to this man. A married, but living apart from her spouse classmate starts spreading nasty gossip about you. You two break up. What are people really going to think happened?

If anyone has to worry about a reputation, I’d say it’s her. 

I’m sorry this is happening, but glad you’ve decided to make a better life for yourself without this loser. 

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