(Closed) Fiance Emotionally Cheated–LONG but need advice!!!

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 137
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Good for you on doing well and your career!!  Sorry it’s hitting you hard right now but just keep moving forward – and I know it sucks to make all the cancellations and what not but have friends help, etc but just do it – each move you take forward extracating him from your life, wedding stuff included, will free you to find your true happiness moving forward πŸ™‚

Post # 138
Member
3025 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

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aliciaw17:  Keep the faith, OP! You definitely did the right thing. This too shall pass.

You have such EXCELLENT things ahead of you, seriously! I know the bad days get you down.. but the good days are taking over the charts. Focus on all those good things tht are bubbling away. Keep up the updates, too! WE have your back!

Post # 139
Member
566 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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aliciaw17:  you did the right thing! you are a very strong and independent woman and you know what you want in life. he’s a big a-hole that has missed out on an amazing woman. continue your path and every day will become less and less painful. i know you have to deal with wedding crap but rally your family and friends together, make a few phone calls, get your deposits  back (if you can) and get it over with quickly and then close that chapter in your life. then one magical day, you will wake up and everything will be right and wonderful again. it will happen. trust me – its happend to me and it will to you!

Post # 141
Member
614 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Smithfield Center

 

aliciaw17:  I’m glad you’re doing so well! Good for you! πŸ™‚

I wish I had some really good advice for you for today and tomorrow, but honestly what you went through is really tough. All I can say is to remember that you have people who love you, a great life filled with goals ahead of you, and friends here who are always willing to lend an ear. You are a strong, independent woman who made it through one of the toughest situations anyone could face – you got this! Your spirit is inspirational and I hope that when you reflect on today and tomorrow and the things that won’t be, that you remember that they would only exist with someone not worth sharing those experiences with. Stay strong! πŸ™‚

Post # 142
Member
1417 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

My only advice is to keep yourself busy!  When I’m sad it helps to not let my mind have idle time. Maybe go out with friends all day or have a relaxing spa day!

I’ve been following your story and I’m happy to see you have a pretty happy outlook with life right now. You are so strong and it’s inspiring.  I hope to never have the same challenge, but if I do, I hope I can be as strong as you have been.

Best wishes for your future!  You ROCK!

Post # 143
Member
2836 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

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aliciaw17:  As others have said– just keep yourself busy.

I know this sounds strange, but if you think about how all of this went down– I think right there shows you how happy you should be you are not marrying this man.  I have gone through 2 really hard break-ups.  Keeping busy (and minimizing cocktails while I knew I was upset or fragile)– was a really big breath of fresh air.

I know it’s hard because this is in retrospect– but you know now that he wasn’t the one you were supposed to marry!!  XO

 

Post # 144
Member
1485 posts
Bumble bee

This is a cause for a big celebration!!  Life truly looked out for you, because things could have been FAR worse than the way things went down.  Imagine if you never found out about all this B.S. with the other girl, and here you would be tomorrow — walking down the aisle to commit to a man who was disloyal to you and your relationship.

You are in such a great place now where your life is back on track and you are well on your way to bigger and better things — if this bomb didn’t go off when you went to visit him in Asia, you could have been in a very bad place instead where you would have been picking up the pieces of your life, trying to split assets, and going through a nasty messy divorce.

If I were you, I would get my favorite bottle of wine, crank up my favorite tunes, and have a huge party to celebrate your new lease on life!  I would totally invite all of my girl friends over and have a “girl power” type party and really celebrate your new found freedom.  And for tomorrow, I would say “F* it” and schedule a full spa day to totally pamper myself, and then I would take myself out on a fabulous date by eating a scrumptious meal and then finishing the night with my favorite movies.

The truth is, you deserved SO MUCH better than the relationship you had with your ex.  I get that you really loved him and believed you had a great relationship.  But in the end, he showed his true colors that in reality, he is a very very weak man.  And given how strong you are, he really was not a match for you.  I would bet anything that if you two had gotten married, it would not have been surprising if you had to compensate for his weakness in a lot of ways.  So give gratitude that life spared you and you got this huge blessing in disguise that he gave you your freedom back.

This is fantastic that you now have an opportunity to meet YOUR Mr. Right!  So rock on girl!  It is time to celebrate and truly commit to loving yourself and taking exquisite care of yourself.

Post # 145
Member
3088 posts
Sugar bee

Alicia,

If he did this, then he IS that type of man.  And he had the nerve to do it while you were there which means that he didn’t feel bad. He just felt bad because he got caught.  I know it is easier said than done and I have ‘been there, done that’.  

At the end of the day, you have to know what you can and cannot live with. I chose not to live with it because I did not want to always have to wonder or be suspicious for the rest of my life. Trust me, it is a terrible way to live.

If you do decide to forgive him, you have to do it completely and go through counseling. Don’t just take him back.  Don’t make it so easy for him to continue. I am sorry you are going through this. If you did decide to give him a second chance, you have to decide that you are going all in.

Personally, I couldn’t do it. I would leave. What happens when he gets depressed again or what happens when he has to go away for his job again?

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