Post # 1
My future husband and I have been engaged for 7 months now and throughout the span of the engagement, I have been racking my brain on what to do to include his family in the wedding. You see, my fiance and his family does not get a long, what so ever. Accordingly to him, he is the black sheep of the family and he does not want anything to do with them or his parents. We plan to get married on May 27, 2011 and I am at a lost on what to do. He could careless about sharing our day with them, however I would like to including them (or just a few that he is actually close to) to avoid any future problems or hatred towards me; however I do not want to go against his wishes. I tried talking to him about it but he just gets mad and storms off. I know must would say don’t invite them but I really don’t want it to be just my family and our friends at our wedding. I also don’t want my family asking questions about why his family didn’t come. What should I do?
Please reply, I could use all the advice that I can get! Thank you!
Post # 3
I think you should respect his wishes. Give him a pen and paper and have him write down everyone that he wants to have there. Your family probably already knows that he and his parents don’t get along. That is what I would do. We have family members on both sides that we are not inviting because we don’t want drama on our day. You and your fiance are the most important people to be at the wedding. Try not to worry yourself about it. I know easier said than done, but it would make him happy.
Post # 4
Personal opinion here:
I think its FH and your day. If he doesnt want them there, they shouldnt be there. The idea is to make the best day for you and him and not a miserable day focused on his family. You have to respect his wishes. And for people that ask you can just say, Oh they just couldnt come! no problem 🙂 not everyone needs to know details.
Post # 5
I think it depends on why he is estranged from his family (not that I’m saying you need to reveal their issues here). There are several problems in FI’s family between his sister and the rest of the family (which have affected his feelings toward his sister and her family). In my family, there are some issues between my uncle and the rest of the family. Neither of us would dream of excluding those people despite these problems, but that’s because the problems are not super serious. However, I think we have both tried hard to reach out to each other’s problem relatives, and lovingly try to remind each other of the importance of family as issues arise. Although I sometimes want Fiance to rail against my uncle, in my heart I’m truely happy that he has an outside opinion about our family dynamics which balances my knee-jerk reactions. Through these efforts, I think that our family relationships have improved over the time we’ve been together.
However, if your FI’s problems with his family are regarding very serious issues or involve some past irreconcilable breaks, then I think that you have to go along with his opinion. Overall though, you have until 2011….if there is a chance at some form of reconciliation, I think you should work toward that with a wedding invite being the end result of some relationship mending success. If there are serious problems up until that point, and then they come to the wedding, the result might be way too much family drama on your special day.
Post # 6
First off, thank you for responding. I really appreciate it! Yall are right, it is our day and about us. Having unnceccesary drama will make the day a nightmare.
@noritake22, Yes it is easier said than done but I’ll try my best to not worry. Making him happy is what I want. But sometimes I can’t help but feel that I’m being selfish if my family being apart of our day. I will trying seeing who he wants to invite again.
@ccranetobe, You are right! My family doesn’t have to know the details and I would like it that way. It helps that his family is more than six hours away from where we plan to marry. Most likely, they won’t be able to make it.
@bamm, I pray that there could be some form of reconciliation however the problems are very serious so any chance of that is pretty slim. But I won’t lose hope.
Once again, I thank you ladies for answering. Yall really helped give me some reassurance with the whole situation.