Post # 1
my fi and I have been engaged 3 years and have been together 6. I have attend all the family events over the years, but never really felt like I would ever be accepted as part of the family. I have come to realize fi mother especially just doesn’t think anyone will ever be good enough for her son. Fi mother accused me intentionally scheduling our wedding on a day that fi sister had planned to go to a concert, saying it was obvious I did this to spite her.. What??? That was my last straw, at that point I let it be known that I was not going to be treated in such a poor way, and have made no attempt to visit. my fi was equally fed up and appalled and he has not seen his mother since. I in no way have told him not to visit his mother, I just have choose not to, as I feel that I will be bullied. This happend about 2 monthes ago. with our wedding coming up in July and my sister is throwing a small shower which includes both sides his and mine, I am nerve wrecked about seeing them, as I finally put my foot down, I know the consequences are to be treated awfully. I do not even want a shower at this point. To top things off fiance and I revieved an invitation to fi aunts jack and Jill ( she is getting married two monthes after us). the invitation was some how mailed to my parents house adressed to fiance and guest.. Really we are getting married two weeks from the jack and Jill and are still adressing me as guest. Last year we were invited to fi other aunts wedding, ( there were no invitations ) but the seating arrangement table piece said fi and guest. This was a very small wedding and, I even did his aunts hair. I just feel they are out for blood, and do not know how to go through with wedding and not let them affect me?
Post # 3
You know, when me and hubby got married we opted to not have an actual wedding because his family is so awful, we didnt want them to ruin it for us!!!
I have known my husband since high school. We became engaged in 2010 and got married last year. His family has always been negative towards me. I can count on one hand the times I have even had a conversation with any of them. Yet, they create lies and run their mouths about me as if they know me. To make matters worse, his mother and sisters try to poison him and turn him against me! I could sit here and write for days about all of the trashy behavior they have shown me! Even though they were awful to me, I still tried to make nice. I tried numerous times to reach out to them through texts and emails but they make it clear by never responding that they dont have a true interest in being a family with me. The true interest is sticking their nose in my marriage and creating drama. When my sister in law was getting married, he received an invitation in the mail that was for him and a GUEST. So I completely understand! These people make it a point to make you feel excluded and to remind you that you arent part of their family. Recently, the same SIL had a baby shower which my Mother-In-Law and other SILs were in charge of planning and needless to say, I was not invited at all. They actually didnt even invite my husband! Im guessing because they knew he would bring me. Ive learned not to care who doesnt like me because I’m married to my husband and not them. Plus, I really wouldnt want to be like by a group of psychos anyway! Thankfully, He has finally started to realize what type of instigating nutcases they really are. Hang in there and never ever let those people break your spirits or come in between your marriage. Most of all, never expect them to change. They usually dont.
Post # 4
@Britannylee: First, decline the invitation to the Aunt’s jack and jill. If she can’t remember your name, you and your Fiance don’t need to attend her fundraiser.
I have some in-laws who can be problematic and sometimes rude. My tactic to deal with them is to pretty much pretend not to notice. If your in-laws show up at your shower and are cold or rude, then be polite to them and then just concentrate on your other guests who are happy to be there to support you.
Of course, if your in-laws show up at your shower and do or say something really outrageous or insulting, then they should be asked to leave by the hostess but they probably won’t do that. They’ll either be okay or they’ll just be kind of cold and distant and that you can just ignore. Remember – they’ll be on your turf surrounded by your family and friends.
Post # 5
@Britannylee: It’s interesting because sometimes new family are rude in general, and sometimes it is just growing pains — meaning that after a few years people settle down and start to accept new people into their family.
I have found that people often lack trust in others, especially when they are going to be smacked together without choice with new family members. It upsets their everyday dynamic for a while.
On the other hand, my fiance does not speak to his own family anymore because he says they are all mean-spirited people, and that they would treat me the same way if they got to know me.
So it could be a case of one or the other. But if you are overtly very uncomfortable, don’t go out of your way to see them or to be nice to them.
I would not be upset about the “guest” part on the invites, however. If you are not close to people, they will often simply forget the details about your relation to them, especially when they invite a lot of people. In some cases, someone else makes the invites and has no knowledge of who you are or very little.
Post # 6
i don’t know about forgetting the details of someone. I made it a point to ensure I found out everyones names and how to spell them correctly, and put them properly on the envelopes. After years of being together, they should know your name. If they don’t know your last name, they could have asked Mother-In-Law or your Fiance what it was.
Just as if you didn’t know someones address, wouldn’t you ask for it? Or would you just not send the invite because you didn’t have it already?
Try to ignore it, because all they want is to piss you off apparently. If you don’t let it get to you, they can’t win.
Post # 7
My fiances family isn’t very big, everyone knows who everyone is. they know exactly who I am my name address and so on. I just feel as if even if my family was to not like someone, they would have enough class to respect their partner, and to accept it. It makes me crazy thinking people really go out of their way to be unkind. its hard to ignore, but it is obvious at this point I have no other choice. Thanks for the replys!