Fiance Family Issues…:/

posted 2 months ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
2917 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

beekind2 :  I only have a few family members that I’m close to, my husband has multiple siblings, cousins, uncles, aunts, grandparents that he’s close with so he definitely had more guests on his “side”. At first when we started doing the guest list it bothered me a bit, he also has more friends than me, but I quickly realized it’s not a competition and got over it. But, I also enjoy my in laws more than it sounds like you do…

Your husband needs to have your back, if he’s not agreeing with them but too scared to stand up to them, that’s a huge issue that I would want worked out prior to getting married to someone.

Have you tried having a serious discussion with him about how you’re feeling? 

Post # 3
Member
623 posts
Busy bee

beekind2 :  agree with pp, you need to make sure he’s got your back and stands up to his family BEFORE you get married.

Post # 4
Member
2379 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017 - Courthouse

There are definitely varying degrees to how much people hang out with family. During football season, I see my in-laws almost every weekend. Some people would probably think that’s too much. 

I agree with PP that the larger issue in this is your Fiance. He needs to have your back and HE needs to be the one to tell his family no and set the boundaries. It’s not fair for you to have to deal with that. 

Post # 5
Member
23 posts
Newbee

I also have a very small family and my SO has a large, loving family. I think it is important to have a balance between seeing both sides of the family if possible. Although your fiance’s family will become your family when you get married, there need to be some boundaries created. You clearly have an issue with the amount of time being spent with his side of the family and there needs to be a discussion with them or your fiance. You could address how it is making you uncomfortable or that you would like more time alone with your future husband. 

Post # 6
Member
241 posts
Helper bee

Get the behavior with your Fiance figured out before October. Bees can try to tell you what to accept in your relationship. Truth is, you know what is going on best and if it bothers you fix it. Fix it with your Fiance. 

Post # 7
Member
1351 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2021 - Kauai, HI

This sounds stressful bee. I deal with a similar issue.  My fiancé is an only child of elderly parents and they are very close. He also has a family friend he sees regularly. I am close to my family too but he has dedicated time with them.  Before we were together he visited them every weekend Friday-Monday. When we started dating it became every other weekend  As our relationship progressed the weekend away shortened to sat am- sun night.  In addition he sees the family friend every Tuesday night and stays over because it’s an hour drive.  We did a lot of compromising but I’m mostly happy with it.  Sometimes I don’t love it that he’s gone but sometimes I appreciate the time alone and with my kids too. My point is that depending on what he wants his relationship with his family to be, you don’t always have to go too. Find the right balance of time that meets both of your needs.  I agree with the PP to make sure he’ll stand up for your plan if needed. Let him tell them who won’t be invited to the wedding.  Be wary of marrying someone that constantly bows down to his family.  I have an ex husband like that. 

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