- 1 week ago
- Wedding: June 2019
Hi bees, I guess I’m just trying to find a place to talk about a rather upsetting conversation I had with my fiance last night.
The conversation started out about money. At this moment, we are fine. We have simple needs, we make decent salaries, and we don’t own a lot of property (we live in an apartment in suburbia). We have no children, but we both want children, and no debt. My only strength in life (haha) is my ability to budget. I can budget anything, and I’m really good at it. This strength has lessened his money worries a little bit, but I think with the wedding three months away now, he’s getting stressed about how much money we’re spending (despite the fact that I have budgeted this stupid wedding into submission and we won’t walk away in debt, thank goodness).
Along with this stress, he also mentioned that he just doesn’t want to be in the Army anymore. I get it. His contract ends in November 2020. For months up until this discussion, he was talking about becoming an apache helicopter pilot (which would pay an enormous amount of money – twice what he makes now). It would mean a year of schooling, longer deployments, but a lot of benefits, and he loved the idea of being a pilot. It was his passion, and as such, I supported him.
But last night he says he doesn’t want to be in the Army which was, as you can guess, a bit of a shock. I asked him what changed? Why doesn’t he want to be a pilot anymore? He got emotional (also unlike him) and said that they won’t let him become a pilot as long as he’s on his ADHD medication. And without the ADHD medication, he zones out randomly and becomes quiet, staring into space and losing a grip on reality. And obviously he doesn’t want this to happen while he’s gunning down Taliban and protecting America in such an active way.
He sounded so defeated that I felt my heart crash. Now he has no idea what he wants to do. Obviously he’ll finish out this contract now (he’s an apache helicopter mechanic at the moment). He likes what he’s doing now, but there isn’t much in the way of promotions and making more money unless he takes on a leadership role, which he’s scared about persuing because he’s such a follower. And without promotions, he won’t make more money, which is how this looped into the budget talk.
I don’t know how to help him. Are there any military wives out there (or honestly any anyone) who can give advice on how I can comfort him? I told him that no matter what he’s making, I can budget it. We won’t be destitute. That seemed to help, but obviously doesn’t help him find a path.
Just feeling down. I want to help him, but I don’t know how! And he sounded SO depressed – it really got me so concerned.