Fiance Feeling Lost – US Army

posted 1 week ago in Military
Post # 2
Member
2521 posts
Sugar bee

First, I would let him grieve his dream for a few months. He won’t be able to figure out next steps until he does.

In time, I would gently facilitate conversations about what he wants to do next. Maybe he likes being a mechanic but not in the army setting. Or he might realize he does like the structure (structure is great for a lot of people with ADHD) but was just lashing out because of the rejection. Maybe he would like to use his GI bill to go to school for a different career path. Aptitude testing might also help guide him.

There are so many options but I doubt he can see that right now. He needs some time. I would just be there for him for at least a few months. Don’t try to solve it now.

Post # 3
Member
2521 posts
Sugar bee

p.s. I PM’d you with some additional comments that were too identifying to post publicly.

Post # 4
Member
438 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

megm1099 :  Not a military wife, but soon to marry a veteran.

Maybe try to come up with a few possible paths for him to consider. Just because this one option doesnt work, doesnt mean thats it.

Look at other career options within the military and even options out of the military with school as an option.

Sounds like hes feeling hopeless because he had thought about this path a lot. To help him I think he needs to find a new path. You can help nudge him to do that.

Also — you sounds like an awesome partner, just wanted to say 🙂 Kudos to having a debt free wedding!

Post # 6
Member
474 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2019

Military wife here whose husband is an aviator..,

How long has he been in? Has he looked into pursuing his license as a civilian? Or even going fixed wing? I’m not sure what FAA regs are on ADHD stuff but I know for my hubby he qualifies in FAA regs despite not meeting Navy regs for piloting. You can use the GI bill for a private pilots license. I’ll send you a PM when I can …or feel free to PM me, too. I have a bit of experience with your current emotional state and situation, lol.

Post # 7
Member
2284 posts
Buzzing bee

Bee, I looked back at your post history because I thought I remembered a similar issue coming up in the past, and lo and behold I was correct. 5 months ago you posted about how much he hated the Army and couldn’t wait to get out, and how you were worried he didn’t have other skills. (https://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/need-to-have-an-important-talk-with-fiance/

I’m therefore surprised to hear you say you’re “shocked” that he doesn’t want to be in the army anymore and had to ask him what changed, because clearly he has already expressed that he is miserable in the Army and looking forward to getting out. Maybe in the interim he has tried to convince himself he does want to stay, and perhaps he’s been giving you mixed signals. But this doesn’t seem like a sudden change. It seems like something he’s been thinking about for a long time. I’m sure the prospect of marriage and family is a further catalyst for him to want to leave his often stressful, dangerous job and be able to spend more time with you and future kids. 

I think you need to accept that he doesn’t want to be in the military, and is ready to try to make the transition into civilian life. I get that that’s scary for both of you, but I do think it’s really important that you support him and that you make it clear to him that you will figure this out together. He has marketable technical skills, plus he’ll be eligible for the GI bill if he wants to go back to school or programs geared toward job training if he’d prefer to go straight back to work. It’s going to be a big adjustment but you can handle it together. Big hugs to both of you! 

Post # 8
Member
2391 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

My brother was a helicopter mechanic in the army and worked for Boeing after he got out. Great pay. Your husband may be able to work for one of the airlines or manufacturers once he’s done in 2020.

Post # 9
Member
549 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2007 - City, State

megm1099 :  if he can’t be a pilot, tell him to drop a packet for green to gold and become an officer. They have strict standards for pilots, as they should, and I don’t think he could be a pilot with ADHD on his med file even if he wasn’t on medication. My husband is dropping a warrant officer packet and has his own medical issues we have to get waivers for. But there are options and things he can do to make more money and further his career that ADHD will not affect.

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