- 6 years ago
- Wedding: July 2012
Yesterday I was on The Knot, and I noticed that many items on our checklist are overdue. You do get some slack, but I feel the musicians shouldn’t be one of them. My Fiance hasn’t helped with much in recent months, and although sometimes I prefer it that way, there are still many things that I need his input on. However, I gave him one task: ceremony music. He’s picked out two musicians and violinist. For a month I’d been bothering him about calling them to see how much they want and confirm the date and time of the rehearsal and wedding. Do you think he got this task completed? No. He said that “they’re music teachers like (him), professionals. They won’t flake out.” I said, “They’re also friends just like our photog was and look what happened there.”
**(About that: She was a teacher friend of his that was excited to photog our wedding, but never got back to me with her contact info, how much she wanted to be paid, never sent back her rsvp, and ignored my FB messages even though she posted on FB close to 5 times a day)
So yesterday I talked to him. I said, “I put in the same amount of hours a day as you, and then I come home and organize this wedding. I left you one task of contacting the musicians, and you didn’t get it done in a whole month? We have a lot to decide on, like who’s going to pick up the cupcakes and set them up and who’s going to help decorate the reception. We need to figure out where everyone needs to be and at what time. We also need to confirm our menu with the reception site.” He says, “That’s small stuff. It will figure itself out.” **insert blank, open mouth stare here**
Appearantly in FI’s world the venue decorates itself and the cupcakes get wings and fly to the recpetion. So last night I printed off the list of things to do. There’s only 58 to-dos, most of which are a week before the wedding, but there are other things to get a start on. I gave the list to him and told him to cross out what he thinks will “take care of itelf.” He was on the first page and said, “Confirm out-of town guests? That’s not our job.” I said, “I agree (and I did). Cross it out.” He was happy to oblige, but his pen got stuck on the actual crossing out. He said, “You do it. I don’t want to be responsible for crossing something out that should be there.” After talking the item over, he crossed it out.
The clincher: He turned the page and scanned down the list of about 30 things to do. There was no crossing out. I love my Fiance and know him inside and out. I could tell he was *gasp* STRESSED! His leg was shaking violently under the table, and he was biting his thumbnail. He said, “I don’t want to do this anymore.” And he pushed the list away. I said, “Do you understand now how things can’t just magically take care of themselves? Yes, a lot of this is small, but it’s things we need to do and time is ticking. I need your input and help with some of this stuff. This is why I feel stressed sometimes.” He said, “I hope you know how much I appreciate the amount of effort you have put into this.”
Low and behold we got things accomplished. We contacted a friend who will pick up the cupcakes and help us decorate. He got the music together to get sent to the musicians as well as contacting them about how much they want to be paid. We also figured out who will transport the gifts to his parents’. It’s amazing how fast things got done once I had his input. Afterwards, he held me close and gave me one of those kisses that reminds me of why we’re getting married in the first place. I understand that all of this stuff may not be perfect, but it still needs to get done. And he understands that we need to work together to make this happen.
Moral of the story, Bees: If you’re stressed out and Fiance doesn’t understand, hand him the dreaded “list.” You may be surprised at his reaction. 🙂