Post # 1
Member
49 posts
Newbee
Yep.
My fiancé recently received a wedding invite addressed to only him (anticipated invite as they asked him for his address a little while ago) I thought maybe they didn’t know how to address me so I figured they would’ve given him +1. I check the online rsvp and he wasn’t given one!
Thinking, again, that it was a mistake he calls his friend and asks if I can come and how we should go about the online rsvp. He told us he would ask his fiancé and get back to us. A day later he texts my Fiance and tells him that I’m not invited and that they couldn’t give +1 to everyone and he hopes to see him there.
I would be okay with this if it was an intimate wedding with only a few friends and family… but it’s not. Our mutual friend who is officiating said they invited 243 people!
My Fiance and i have been together 5+ years and I know his friend that is getting married. Not well, but we’ve met multiple times. I have never met his Fiance, but neither has my Fiance.
I really feel that you can invite and exclude whoever you want to your wedding. I just kinda figured that since we are engaged we are considered a package deal? I know I will have to invite her to our wedding as Fiance will want his friend there and I could never imagine excluding her (especially since they will be married!)
My Fiance said he will decline the invite and not go since I’m not invited but I feel bad. Should I tell him to go anyways??
Post # 2
Member
755 posts
Busy bee
pauline93 : rude! You are a social unit and should be invited together. If your Fiance is ok with not going, I would let him decline the invite.
Post # 3
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
You guys are a package deal – you’re a social unit and you can’t invite one without the other (unless you are practising poor etiquette). Unfortunately, pointing out how rude they are being is also poor etiquette.
As your fi has offered to decline, I’d take him up on it. Why should he spend his time and money celebrating their relationship when they’ve disrespected yours?
Post # 4
Member
49 posts
Newbee
mrs2014 : Right?? I thought I was being a little selfish at first, but I thought about my wedding and how she would be invited, and thinking to exclude her baffled me. I could never!
Post # 5
Member
755 posts
Busy bee
pauline93 : sadly some ppls have no class or manner. Sigh ;(
Post # 6
Member
676 posts
Busy bee
Not at all selfish, he’s offered not to go as he’s supporting you! It’s the right decision.
The couple have let themselves down
Post # 7
Member
87 posts
Worker bee
It’s understandable that not all hosts can invite +1s. However, a long-term SO is not a +1. Your fiance’s friends are totally breaching etiquette and I think it’s insulting they are excluding you. If your SO decides not to go to the wedding, you should support him for standing up for you.
Post # 8
Member
1373 posts
Bumble bee
Poor form on their part. I would let your Fiance decide what he wants to do, don’t invite them to your wedding though! xo
Post # 9
Member
159 posts
Blushing bee
You’re not a “plus one,” you’re half a social unit. Your Fiance shouldn’t go to a party honoring love and commitment that declines to acknowledge HIS love and commitment. Screw ’em. Decline and don’t send a gift.
Post # 10
Member
7455 posts
Busy Beekeeper
That would be a big nope, and my DH would not have been going.
We actually had this happen to us. DH and I had gotten married after we’d been together 12 years, and had owned our home for 4 years already, so when this went down it wasn’t a casual relationship. A friend of his got engaged a couple of years before we did, and when invites came it was only addressed to DH (then BF). Now I get the whole “married or engaged couples thing” (I don’t agree with it, I gave everyone a +1 regardless of their relationships status) but we had been together 10 years. This particular friend had even stayed in our {jointly owned} home. Needless to say, DH declined the invite.
Post # 11
Member
1989 posts
Buzzing bee
I don’t think it’s thaaaaat big of a deal. It’s rude and against etiquette, but if he wants to do I would let him. I’d assume not inviting you has to do with budget or venue space constrictions and not a personal vendetta. Maybe the venue only holds $250, so they couldn’t extend invites to all significant others (unless married). It’s rude, but it’s not the end of the world.
If it’s a good friend of his and he wants to go, I wouldn’t be mad about it.
Post # 12
Member
1701 posts
Bumble bee
pauline93 :
The “friend” and his fiancee are totally rude – I guess it is up to your fiance, but I hope he decides not to go. I don’t think you are unreasonable at all to be put off – even if it was a small intimate wedding, you ARE a package deal – both or neither.
Btw – you plan your wedding around your guest list – not around a venue or a “dream”
Post # 13
Member
274 posts
Helper bee
I don’t think you should feel bad at all. I think it was incredibly rude of them to not invite you as well and I am glad your Fiance is declining.
Post # 14
Member
32 posts
Newbee
Thats Crap! So rude you are engaged. And even if you had just been together as boyfriend and girlfriend and been dating awhile it’s a done deal.
RUDE!
Post # 15
Member
4810 posts
Honey bee
pauline93 : You are engaged and should have been invited together. That is so rude of the bride to be. If I were in your shoes I’d let your Fiance decline. I wonder how many other guests were treated as badly?