Fiancé got invited to a wedding. I was not.

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 31
Member
232 posts
Helper bee

Totally rude but at least u don’t have to give a gift to Dover your plate as well. Saves you money! I’m not sure if I’d go if I was him- send a gift and call it a day. 

Post # 32
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I honestly don’t see the problem with this at all. Weddings are expensive and the guest list is limited to what the bride and groom can afford and what the venue can hold. Plus personally I wouldn’t want to go to the wedding of a couple I barely knew anyway!

 

I wouldn’t bat an eyelid if my fiancé was invited to a wedding and I wasn’t. Yes we are a couple, but we’re more than capable of functioning on our own for one day.

 

Personally I would leave it to your fiancé to decide whether or not he wants to go or not.

Post # 33
Member
2746 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

pauline93 :  Rude of the engaged couple.  I would leave it up to him whether to go. 

Post # 34
Member
11946 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Some rules are arbitrary. Which fork to use for what is one of these. Others are designed with a social agenda or out of consideration for others. This rule is a combination of the latter. The recognition of committed couples provides an incentive for those who would be happy to lead on a romantic interest indefinitely. And social units by definition deserve to have their relationship recognized. 

For those saying they wouldn’t care, and would attend anyway, that’s certainly their prerogative. But just because you don’t care, doesn’t mean a person who flouts long established and widely accepted convention should not expect to cause considerable confusion or offense. 

Post # 35
Member
629 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Unless they are really good mutual friends of both of you, I wouldn’t get upset about going to a wedding of people I’m not that close to. 

I always feel these post are seeking validation for a relationship by some other couple. It’s always finances and long term girlfriends who get the most upset about this. You’re not more or less of a couple because of an invite. Even a 250 person wedding has to have a cut off. I’m sure if all the unmarried couples got invited it could be a 400 person wedding. Don’t take it personal.

Post # 36
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

As a bride I couldn’t even imagine doing something like this!! 

Post # 37
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee

I honestly didn’t realize that it’s strict etiquette to always invite someone’s fiancee! (good to know for future wedding planning!)

This wouldn’t bother me unless the couple were my friends too. I dont consider me and Fiance as a social unit in the sense that where one goes, the other always must go or be invited too. Because we are engaged, we do share a large common social circle, but also function in seperate ones. I’m only stating my hypothetical reaction to this situation to just say maybe the couple has a mindset that falls along these lines. Maybe it’s for the worse, but some social etiquette standards evolve/disentegrate with new generations. Not necessarily saying that makes it ok, just trying to point out that they probably dont mean it as disrespect to the status of your relationship

That being said, if it bothers you, you have a right to be upset and it is nice that your Fiance will take your side and decline!  But since it would be rude to tell them why you’re declining, they might never clue in or “learn a lesson” from his declining.. I dont know if that factors in to whether declining is worth it since they probably wont gain any wisdom from it or anything. 

Post # 38
Member
946 posts
Busy bee

Maybe the venue could only hold 250 and inviting you would mean they’d have to invite x number more of people who are engaged or have relationships and whatnot. Drawing a line across the board makes things easier to explain. If we all could have unlimited budget, I’m sure your entire family would be welcome at the wedding. It really isn’t end of the world, and if your fiance doesn’t want to go, just politely decline. Making assumptions without knowing for sure why they did not invite you is just going to make the friendship worse.

If it were me, I’d let Fiance go. It’s his friend, not mine (I’d get upset if the friend is our close friend and I wasn’t invited though) We are a social unit and people understand/respect our relationship, but we don’t have to move and hang out together everywhere like a pair of conjoined twins. 

Post # 39
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee

pauline93 :  that’s rude on their behalf! He offered to decline the invite, Go for it! He’s doing it because he knows it’s the two of you or none. 

Post # 40
Member
1564 posts
Bumble bee

I was in this situation years ago. I was engaged but my Fiance was not invited. I was honestly shocked, a little irritated, and a bit offended, but the wedding was for such a long time friend (we’re still friends!), that I just figured they cut the list at “married only”.  I didn’t think it was “OK”, but it was their decision and I chose not to dwell on it or let it affect our friendship. My Fiance didn’t care in the least. I went and had a great time.

Post # 41
Member
4878 posts
Honey bee

I think its rude as well. But just in case you feel awful, don’t. I have a coworker who has a huge family and there were so many cousins and uncles on both sides that it was bigger than 250 and they hadn’t even gotten to friends yet.

I’m not saying it’s ok, just that some people and cultures ate expected to host the entire family regardless of size. 

Hugs! 

Post # 42
Member
7910 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

They should have invited you as your FI’s Fiance. It’s nice that he wants to take a stand and not go. Maybe your Fiance and his friend aren’t as close as you originally thought. 

Post # 43
Member
3863 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

pauline93 :  My Darling Husband would absolutely decline if this were him. You and your Fiance are a unit. Either you both get invited, or you don’t go. I always find it hysterical when a couple does something like this. Like, “Please come celebrate our relationship while we invalidate yours!”

Post # 44
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: August 2017

My relationship is validated by the love my fiancé and I have for one another, not by an invitation from a near stranger to their wedding!

 

If people feel feel so strongly about it then politely decline the invitation and move on, but there’s no need to take it personally. 

Post # 45
Member
739 posts
Busy bee

I personally don’t get the ‘social unit’ argument, the couple are still two separate people and can do things alone. 

I couldn’t imagine being upset at not being invited to a wedding of a couple I barely knew.

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