Ambi D : I don’t think you understand. Maybe I didn’t explain it clearly. I’ll try again.
Lets say we have four general types of couples: short term, long term, engaged, married.
Your claim was that fiancés and long termers get more upset when they are not invited to a wedding when their partner is. (Situation A.)
The next step to that is saying that wives aren’t upset if their husbands are invited to a wedding and they (the wives) are not. (Situation B.)
My claim is that as a whole, married couples are not invited to a wedding without their partner. There are some exceptions, namely when the wedding is extremely small (such as ONLY siblings and no spouses, or almost an elopement), or the to-be-married couple actively chooses to not invite that partner (because the partner has a criminal past or The to-be-married couple just plain doesn’t like that person).
If Situation B is far less common that Situation A, of course we are less likely to see people upset over Situation B than see people upset over Situation A.
I also said that when Situation B does happen, and someone is offended and posts about it, as a whole the Bees tend to be on the uninvited partners side, not the couple who decided to invite one half of a married couple.
None of this has to do with whether someone should be upset or not, which I believe is what your question is asking. Obviously people have gotten upset over not being invited to a stranger’s party. This is an anonymous public forum, so yes, it’s public. Should they? Maybe, maybe not- there are lots of layers to it.
I’m not married yet, but I’m pretty sure that once I am, if I’m invited to a wedding but my husband is, I would question why that is, especially if the wedding is not incredibly tiny. I would question my relationship with the to-be-married couple.
That’s not to say that I couldn’t go to a wedding without an SO. I have before, many times, because my partner- who was invited- wasn’t available. I can have fun on my own. It’s possible to value independence while honoring general etiquette.
Maybe I missed this- have you been invited to a wedding (because that is what we’re talking about, not a birthday party or weekend out) without your Fiance when you were engaged? You’re not married yet- would you be upset if only one of you was invited to a wedding of a “close friend” who had a 250 person guest list? Would you go?
ETA: Also, I’d like to add that a married couple isn’t necessarily more valid than just dating. There are lots of different relationships. Cutting at these points is easy, but sometime there are exceptions.