Fiancé got invited to a wedding. I was not.

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 61
Member
2216 posts
Buzzing bee

pauline93 :  When did you get engaged?

It’s a legit question, and my response depends on your answer.

Post # 62
Member
2585 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017 - Courthouse

mrsdeantobe :  I thought I was the only one! I know friends who’s cost per head was up to $35 and I’m sorry, but it’s unrealistic to ask someone to pay that much for dates (serious or not) for every adult invited. This is why people have to go into debt to get married, unfortunately.

I never ask my Fiance to go to a wedding with me unless he knows the couple. We don’t have to be joined at the hip lol.

Post # 63
Member
52 posts
Worker bee

I am cutting a whole family of cousins (so only aunt and uncle is invited) due to also having to invite spouses. One has a long term of around 10 years, one is newly engaged after dating for a year, and the 3rd has been dating for two years I think. I wouldn’t never invite someone with out their SO especially if I am fully aware they are dating. So, I cut them all and invited close friends I wanted instead. 100 people guest list can be tight since it is only 50 people each and both of our families are big! 

I would not go if my Fiance wasn’t invited, especially if they were a good friend, and then I would also turn around and only invite the one to mine, because that’s just me 😇 I would feel better not being invited at all if the list was tight.

Post # 66
Member
734 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I really don’t understand your dilemma in whether you should tell him to go or stay. Surely that’s his decision why does it fall on you to “tell” him to go or stay ? 🤔

Post # 67
Member
625 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Apple_Blossom :  I have been invited to weddings without my Fiancé and vice versa. When he was invited to a wedding without me it didn’t bother me because I had no relationship with the couple at all and didn’t see a non-invite or invite as invalidation or validation of my relationship because I don’t need that from people I don’t know via a wedding invite. I get that from my partner. 

My response was, “have a good time… your good collar shirt shrunk in the wash, you’ll need a new one.”

It’s that simple. 

Making it out to be more than budget constraints, epecially if there is no long standing grudge is just self centered. 

Post # 68
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

It may be “rude” but at the same time you are not close with the couple or really know them.  My fiance and I have struggled with this and have decided to not invite certain peoples SO because we do not really know them and have limited space. Take it as a day to go do something with your friends and have a girls night out having fun.

Post # 69
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

pauline93 :  okay, honestly, I don’t see it as a big deal. Yes, it is poor etiquette, but do you even really want to go? Sometimes going to big weddings with lots of people aren’t fun anyway especially if you don’t know a lot of the people there. I don’t really think it’s a reason to get all hurt over it. Are you great friends with the bride and groom? No, then I wouldn’t suggest wasting your energy on it. If your fiancé wants to go, let him. If he doesn’t-fine. Maybe I’m in the minority here but I really just don’t think it’s worth getting upset about it.

Post # 70
Member
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

this actually happened to my fiance and I with one of his best friends. We were dating for 4 years and had recently moved in together before the invites went out. When we received the invite I noticed my name wasn’t on it and figured it was just a mistake. He called his friend and his friend said I wasn’t invited because we hadn’t been living together for very long and that was their cut off for plus ones (which is kinda silly since their other friend and his gf moved in after 3 months and she was invited). My fiance (boyfriend at the time) told them he wasn’t going to the reception and was the bigger man by just going to the ceremony to see the actual marriage and left after that… oh I also got a pity invite the day before the wedding because other people backed out at the last second LOL

 

Don’t get too upset about it. It definitely sucks feeling left out but you’ll laugh about it one day! I was hurt until I heard the wedding sucked… then I didn’t feel like I missed much 🙂

Post # 71
Member
4258 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

Does you Fiance want to go?  If he doesn’t want to go alone, which is totally fair, he shouldn’t go.  If he does feel like it is important to him, then he shoulg go.  While rude of the couple to not include you, if he will regret not going, you should just take one for the team and support him.  But I would leave this in his court and apply zero pressure either way.  You could always gow ith him for t he car ride and hotel and book a nice spa day in the city the wedding is in.  It would still be a fun time for the two of you, and he could excuse himself early, before all the dancing etc.

Post # 72
Member
5893 posts
Bee Keeper

DanaWeddingGuest :  THIS. Your fiance is being a good guy and showing loyalty toward you, so let him decline as offered.  

Personally, even if you weren’t engaged, I would never invite half of a couple to a wedding. 

Post # 73
Member
6740 posts
Bee Keeper

pauline93 :  Yes, it’s rude and I would be annoyed. I would encourage my Fiance to attend on his own if he so desired and let him decide for himself. And if he decided to go I would schedule a girls’ weekend or just enjoy some rare time to myself. And let it go. 

Post # 74
Member
908 posts
Busy bee

I would be the bigger person and let the Fiance go if its not too much of a hassel Meaning the wedding is local, etc. 

And when its time for your wedding invite them both. I know it sucks.

I was invited to a wedding last year without my now Fiance (at the time Boyfriend or Best Friend of 4 years, lived together for 1 year). I went anyway. This couple also didn’t send a thank you card to me or my parents. I just figure they have no sense of etiquette.

They are both invited to our wedding this year. 

Sometimes you have to show people how its done. 

Post # 75
Member
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I think the distance may play a role. Bee has now mentioned that the distance would be 5 hours and require a hotel room. That’s a lot to drive, in my opinion, without fiance, as well as stay over in a hotel. (Unless he knew another single friend who was going who he could drive with, share a double room with). That’s probably the part that would bother me more. If the wedding were local and it were a good friend, I’d be more inclined to say tell him to go if he wants because he’d be home within 5-6 hours. But this sounds like more of an ordeal to attend. 5 hours driving each way, wedding. That’s a lot to ask.

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