- 7 years ago
It is 2:30 am and I need to vent/seek advice. I would call my sister, but again it’s in the middle of the night!! I figured I would turn to the hive for unbiased advice.
I know in my heart of hearts what I need to do.
THe one thing my fiance and I fight about is money. We live together and I feel like we are scraping the bottom of the barrel every month to survive.
Here’s the story:
Back in May/June, he found out that he had an old 401K out there. His current position doesn’t have benefits, so he decided that he was going to cash it in. He said he would get roughly $4000. Which he did. He had to take care of some car stuff and pay off some bills. He told me that when it was all said and done, the rest we could use for wedding funds and our combined bills. He approximated this to be about $2000. We didn’t have a joint checking account, so he was going to write me a check. His paydays are each Wednesday. Tuesday night came around, and he told me he would write me a check for 1000 + 200 for the rent/bill fund that we agreed to every month.
Here’s how that dialogue went:
“What about the other 1000?”
“What about it, I will give it to you next month.”
Why can’t you give it to me tomorrow alongside this 1000.
“Because I want to keep money in my account. “
Did you spend it? ~No~
Then let me see that you have 2000 in your account…….that was met by a no and me slamming the bedroom door. He came in moments after me and told me that I need to stop worrying and that he was trying to surprise me with a gift/present and just to not worry about it. I’ll admit that I’m a surprise ruiner, so yeah.
BUT what he doesn’t know is that earlier that week, I had logged into his bank account, to see how much he had left. It went from 4000, to 2500 (Which was expected due to the car) but then it dropped to 1200. I was shocked and devestated. I then looked to see what he had spent it on. All I saw was casino casino casino. I was sick to my stomach.
During our fight, I tried to get him to come clean, but he didn’t. I didn’t tell him either that I snooped around in his account.
I’ve kept this in the back of my mind for months now. I ask him randomly when I’m going to get my surprise. He always tells me not yet, you have to wait for it.
SO I’ve literally forgotten about it. Until now.
About a month ago, I decided we needed a joint checking account, so that I can “monitor” our money.
I thought he had closed his personal account. I came downstairs tonight, and accidentally sat on his phone. It lit up, and I was curious. He has a mobile app for his bank. I decided to log in…..when I had checked a month ago, the balance was a couple bucks and some change. This time it was 350. WTF. I clicked on the account and found a deposit of 614 was made on 9/7 and then withdrawals from the casino on the same day!!
UMMMM Where the hell is this money from? It doesn’t give me any details other than deposit.
We used to work different schedules, but recently started working the same schedule. On 9/7, he told me that he was going to visit his parents after work. I believed him, but apparently he went to the casino. I am so hurt that he lied to my face and is hiding things from me.
He has never been good with money, which is why I handle our finances. He has horrible credit, has had several items go in to collection, several repos of his car. This was a few years ago. He’s working on getting his life back together, and he’s paid off most of his debt.
I’m just so afraid that if I don’t say something, this will follow us into our marriage and turn out badly.
I’m also afraid that if I do say something, he will blow up and call off the wedding. I’d have to probably move back in with my parents….booo
I just don’t know what to do.
Sorry for the novel, but I had to get this off my chest. Please offer any advice. I plan to confront him in the morning.