Post # 76
Member
421 posts
Helper bee
So very sorry you are going through this. I’m proud of you for not just turning a blind eye. I’ve been through something similar and stupidly I kept giving him chances. Found out he was cybersex-ing with men and women and looking for hookups, confronted him, he cried and promised never to do it again, then a few months later I’d find the evidence again. Stick to your decision and know that you are worth so much more. Hugs.
Post # 77
Member
51 posts
Worker bee
This is so terrible! It’s so hard to love someone and find out that they could hurt and endanger you in this way.
One note–DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF FOR NOT SEEING THIS EARLIER. I dated someone insane when I was in my final year of my Ph.D. clinical psychology program. He was living a complete double life and hiding a serious drug problem and I had no idea. I only realized how pathological he was when he had a manic episode/drug binge and threatened me with a gun, was arrested and psychiatrically hospitalized, and his parents finally told me the truth. Yes, they were hoping I would marry him so they hadn’t told me he was nuts/lying!
In some ways, the hardest part for me was that someone with my degree of advanced clinical training hadn’t seen it at all. AT ALL. He’d seemed so mild-mannered and sweet. It was just way to close to home for me to recognize the signs. I spent a long time blaming myself and trying to “diagnose” him with the DSM. Don’t do that to yourself. Some people are just extremely manipulative and it’s not your fault.
Post # 78
Member
942 posts
Busy bee
distantsuns : OMG I will be keeping you in my thoughts!! I hope that all of the testing comes back healthy, and I am so sorry for everything you’re dealing with!! Good luck with everything. You’re such a strong and amazing woman!
Post # 79
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
aprilflowers : It’s like you read my mind with this post. I keep running through the DSM in my mind, trying to diagnose him (and myself, for being so blind and naive for so long). I don’t think there is a neat category for men like this, other than “lying two-faced asshole, with maybe a fun little sprinkle of ASPD on top”. I’m sorry you had to go through something similar, and I’m sure you’ve become one hell of a clinical psychologist since. I’m planning on a career in psychiatry myself.
Post # 80
Member
51 posts
Worker bee
distantsuns : I hear you. I kept trying to decide whether he had done it intentionally or whether he was so out of touch with reality that he had believed his own lies. Finally, in order to keep myself sane, I made up my own diagnosis: Crazy, NOS. It made me feel better. It sound like your ex may meet criteria as well ;).
And luckilly I am perfectly able to diagnose and treat real patients (it’s easier when you are not dating them) and you will too. And I did meet the most amazing husband in the world several years later. You WILL get through this and there is hope on the other side.
Post # 81
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
aprilflowers : Hahaha I might just use the “Crazy, NOS” to describe this mess from now on! So glad to hear that things worked out for you in the end. I’m gonna just focus on getting through one day at a time.
Post # 82
Member
2567 posts
Sugar bee
distantsuns : that’s all you can do. But we are here for you!
Post # 83
Member
288 posts
Helper bee
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Have you spoken to him at all since you found out? Does he know something is wrong?
Member