- 3 years ago
- Wedding: May 2018
So this is going to be a really long post (sorry) but I’m looking for some perspective on my current situation. Myself and my fiancé, let’s call him James for the purpose of this conversation have been together for almost 11 years, we have had 2 children in the time age 9 & 1, I also moved 400 miles away to live with him.
He works away for periods of time with his company, I stay home look after our children I’ve found it very hard to settle where we live ( remote Scotland) and have little friends here.
Upon returning a few days ago from work, he has been moody, angry just generally not himself towards me. So yesterday morning I did the ( awful I know) checking of his phone when it was charging in our bedroom. To which I found a list of messages without contact names, just anonymous numbers, when I read further into them they looked to be to escorts, availability, addresses, location and such, pre arranged meetings for when he travels to and from the airports, going to & coming home from work.
when I confronted James as to what the hell was this, he answered that they were just messages ( he doesn’t follow through with them) he sends when he’s away working and he’s bored (I know what you’re thinking, I am too). I don’t believe he doesn’t take them up on the offers, it explains why when I go to the airport I take my luggage & debit card, he takes a few hundred pounds ( I’m dumb, I know that too).
This isn’t the first occasion I have found messages to this extent, I’ve seen one before a long time ago then more recently when I was pregnant and after, also another time when he had just taken me for a week away.
Little details are falling into place now, that the dates of messages coincide with dates in my messages when he hasn’t been so nice towards me or totally stopped speaking over the silliest of comments. Don’t get me wrong on the whole our relationship is great, we have wonderful children and a beautiful home, our sex life isn’t great for me though I’m always the one that initiates intimacy, he always seems uninterested. I have put on weight with pregnancy and breastfeeding, I’m also exhausted most of the time with 2 children to take care of alone for months at a time. But I make the effort so I’m so confused as to why he would seek it somewhere else, when I basically offer every night he’s home and he doesn’t want it.
I love him with all my heart and I know I should leave, I’ve told him so but for my kids I need to think rationally as I’ll be moving them too. Please help me, I don’t know where my head is and how to pull myself back together. I can’t sleep and feel constantly sick, I have told him to leave the house which he has respected I need space.
Sorry for the huge post 😕Xx