Fiancé has been cheating with escorts!

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Hostess
8420 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

collette1505 :  Oh gosh – how heartbreaking to hear. I am so sorry you are going through this. I know it is not so much the “done thing” here (I am a UK bee) but could you look into counselling. If it were just you and him it would be a bit more cut and dry – leave him, he’s a cheating asshole – but you have kids. Mind you, that doesn’t mean you HAVE to stay together. Being apart may actually be better in the long run. Big hugs to you xxx

Post # 18
Member
6800 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

collette1505 :  But you said you’ve noticed these type of messages before. So when exactly did he feel you drifted apart? This isn’t a new thing. He’s just making excuses. It sounds like he’s never been committed to this relationship. 

Post # 21
Member
2659 posts
Sugar bee

OP–you said mid way thru your initial post things were “great”. No. They weren’t or he wouldn’t have sought escorts to cheat with while he was away.

He’s not the man you want him to be and he’s putting yor health at risk.  Not to mention his homelife being a complete sham.

And, do you want to model this kind of tolerating such disrespect to your chldren?

Post # 22
Hostess
8420 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

collette1505 :  Well, in a way it is kind of good he will be going away again because it gives you thinking time. Maybe whilst he is away for this next spell you could seek some counselling and that may put you in a better position to move forward with or without him.

Post # 23
Member
6800 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

collette1505 :  Right exactly but that’s my point. Regardless of when you pieced it all together, you realize now that this has been a deliberate thing going on for a while. He put your health in danger over and over again and couldn’t have cared less. He’s a scumbag. Your children (at least the 9 year old) can see what’s going on. They will sense that this isn’t right. This isn’t a happy and healthy home for children. 

Post # 24
Member
365 posts
Helper bee

collette1505 :  please google chumplady- her site and tons of ppl there can be super helpful to you. my ex-husband cheated on me an insane amount w rando internet strangers (he claims “only” pre-marriage during our 3yr relationship and engagement). Girl, run. Yes, you need to think of your kids. Is it in their best interest to have a mom who gets an STD that goes untreated bc she doesn’t know about it? Is it in their best interest to turn a blind eye to being wronged by those who love them and learning to lie and lead a secret double-life? Better late than never, just go. It’s good that you followed the clues this time.

When I found out, my ex also tried to say that he just messaged them for fun when he was bored and it was like a game, he never met w any or did anything physical and never would. BS. He also even tried to say that the dates and times and locations he discussed mtg w them were just to pretend so they’d send pics. BS. Don’t let this man continue to insult your intelligence. And no need to spend time and energy spying on him or convincing the man who’s supposed to be your partner to tell you the truth. I stuck around trying to figure things out for almost a year. But I would’ve been much better off figuring things out and clearing my head from jump, away from him. So sorry that this happened to you. You aren’t alone.

Post # 25
Member
2092 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

First, I am so sorry to hear about your situation. As a mother, I want to let you know that kids are resilient. Much more so than we realize. Your kids have had a father that was away working. So, they really will not miss seeing him. It is not like they see him everyday as it is. Also, you are not fooling your kids. They can sense when something is wrong. They have also noticed their father’s behavioral changes. Kids will not always ask what is wrong, but they notice it I promise you.

Have a sit down with the kids explaining that you two will be parting ways. You of course do not need to be specific (“we are not getting along and are not happy”) is a good enough explanation. They will be fine. It is better that you are not married, so you don’t have to go through a lengthy divorce before you are free. Get your child support and whatever else is owed to you and move forward. This man is not interested in having a normal relationship. I could not be married/in a relationship to someone who is away for long periods of time, because I know men. They would not normally go without sex for months and still be faithful in my opinion. After not seeing you for months, there is no way he would turn down sex unless he was creeping behind your back. I hope your health is unaffected and that you can move on for you and your children. Good luck with everything and take care of yourself!

Post # 26
Member
18 posts
Newbee

collette1505 :  Take this time and use it to your best advantage …. I know the easiest thing would be to sink right now so give yourself a day or two for everything to sink in and just make plans lots of plans … Can you not pack his bags and send them to a relative and have the locks changed..?? Or is it a case of just getting up and leaving and making a new life altogether for you and the children. 

I know you may still care and love him as that will not change over night . But NoNoNo what he is doing isn’t love !! 

I wish you all the courage 

Post # 27
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2016

So sorry you are going through this. His behaviour is absolutely sickening! You need to leave him. You need to set a good example for your children to not allow a man to treat you this way. You deserve more. I’m not sure how you could have the happy life you deserve knowing he is with prosititues whenever he’s away. This has happened multiple times and it will continue. 

It will be hard a first but in 5 years when you look back I’m sure you will be happier you left then staying with him and constantly feeling bad or wondering what he is doing. 

Post # 30
Member
491 posts
Helper bee

I don’t think infidelity has to be the end of a relationship necessarily, but in your case he doesn’t seem sorry and isn’t even admitting it. It seems like he is happy to leave. Sorry you are going through this. 

ETA: he’s the one that should be ashamed, not you. 

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors