(Closed) Fiance has been out of work since September 2008

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3166 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

girl please you are NOT being hard at all. he can’t live off of daddy’s handouts forever and the way i read this situation, he’s being laaaaaaaazy. he needs to be working full time regardless of if he gets into law school! so what’s stopping him from actively hunting now? you guys need to sit down and talk about this – maybe develop a budget so he can see how one sided your cash flows are and for what he needs to be responsible. i hope he steps up his game soon!

Post # 4
Member
390 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I really hate to comment on this post because I just know that it is one of those touchy subjects that gets people (particularly me) in trouble but here is my two cents.

Looking for a job is a job in and of itself. I am currently in this position as is fiance (although I have not been looking for long at all–so there is no comparison). I can understand how you must feel as you watch him lay around. I would also feel like he wasn’t doing enough. I think it is a natural reaction in a stressful time like this.

That said, a man with two degrees (what were they in?) and master’s work should be able to find a job SOMEWHERE after 3 years of looking. Somewhere. Anywhere. As I often tell fiance, when the day comes that we need the money I expect you to work at McDonalds if that is the only place you can find employment…and I would do the same to keep our family afloat. Perhaps he is just not looking at some jobs because he feels they are beneath him? It is hard to judge what’s up since I don’t know him or see what he’s doing.

There is a difference though between taking a break after hours of looking at jobs and submitting 20-40 resumes and not looking but still lazing about. If he is searching for hours maybe a run is in need for stress relief.

Good luck and I hope in your situation it is the former.

Post # 5
Member
979 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

He needs any job.  Even if it is at McDonalds.  If you wait for the job that you want you might never find work.  Tell him to find anything!!!  It is not you , him not working for that long would drive me crazy too!!

Post # 7
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

i  tried to type something a number of times and each time came out pretty harsh

im sorry that you are having to deal with this – yes being with someone means taking care of the other when they need it and having ups and downs but three years…. no way, i would stack grocery shelves at night if i had to

to be honest i wouldnt be marrying him in August if the situation didnt change – goodluck

 

Post # 8
Member
4887 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Yeah, he needs to just get a job.  Any job. Maybe a job with good discounts/perks like Target, Home Depot, Lowes?  Something that will help out in the mean time. Plus you never know who you’ll meet at a new place/endeavor.  There might be someone at his interim job who has connections to the next best thing!  Lots and lots of people are in jobs that they don’t love or that don’t really pertain to degrees or goals.  This isn’t forever!!  I own a shop that is connected to a high end ice cream shop. There’s a girl in there who scoops ice cream while she finds her goal job in a very specific nursing career.  It’s not a bad thing!

Post # 9
Member
390 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@bellarain: I understand that situation with the calling thing. Fiance tries to do that to but what they aren’t considering while complaining about the economic crisis is that hiring managers are looking for go-getters. This is a competative world right now and no one is going to sit there and call you—you have to call them and make sure they know that you are interested.

I would start riding his a$$. It won’t be pleasant, he will probably try to call you out on being his mother, but I wouldn’t give a crap. 3 years is a long time and I am willing to bet money (which I don’t have) that the reason he hasn’t had ANY jobs is because he isn’t trying as hard as he possibly could be. McDonalds was recently hiring all over the country. If you are struggling financially, he should have been at the door raring to go.

I’m telling you, whether people say it’s not your job or not—-this is your life. He needs to realize he isn’t the only one who has to live with his choices.

Post # 10
Hostess
3571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I agree with everyone else. We’ve been hit by the recession too, but 3 years is too long.  Also, don’t take this the wrong way, but he really shouldn’t go to law school unless he legit wants to be a lawyer. I know SO MANY people who didn’t know what to do, so they went to law school, racked up TONS of debt (Law school is really expensive) and then pretty much hate their life after. I also know a lot of lawyers who are unemployed or stuck in dead end jobs.

Post # 11
Member
10287 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

These are the situations I just don’t understand. I’ve thankfully never been unemployed but I can guarantee that if I were, I would be taking just about anything that came my way. I know the job market is tough but places ARE hiring. Sure, retail, food service or entry level work may not be the most glamerous but it’s a paycheck. 

I’m sorry to say this but I agree with @eloping. I would personally not feel comfortable getting married under these circumstances. 

Post # 12
Member
2450 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

my fiance was out of work too… he has a college degree and plenty of experience, but still could not find a job in his field. so you know what he did? he got a job a walmart… because ANY job is better than no job and a real man will do what it takes to support his family…even if that means working in a position that you believe is below yourself.

Post # 13
Member
390 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@rosworms: Couldn’t agree more. That was kind of what I was trying to get at. And good for your fiance, I don’t think enough people hold to this kind of standard–and they really should! =)

Post # 14
Member
10287 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

@rosworms: Couldn’t agree more. I read a story about a successful CEO who had to resort to delivering pizzas after his company tanked. He needed to put food on the table somehow. After he couldn’t find a job in his field he took whatever he could get. There’s only so long that “can’t find a job in the field” can be used as an excuse. 

Post # 15
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Has he ( or you, as a couple) considered looking for jobs elsewhere? From what I have heard, CA has been hit especially hard, and there are more hiring freezes and furloughs there than in many other states. As far as police officer work, I am pretty sure he could find openings all over the country if he tried, and if that is really his passion. And if he’s intereested in law enforcement, he could also look into corrections (prison guards). Basically, if he isn’t able or willing to find something where you are now, you’ll have to consider moving.

When I was laid off from my first job out of college, I made a plan: for three months I looked for only jobs I wanted; for the next three months after that I looked for jobs I wanted and also applied to jobs I thought I could get, even if not in my industry. And if I hit a year of no luck, I would start examining the serious options: going back to school, moving, etc.

Post # 16
Member
152 posts
Blushing bee

Okay, law school is EXTREMELY expensive, and the job market for lawyers right now is NOT good.  He should not go to law school unless he can get into a REALLY good school, or if it has been his lifelong dream to be a lawyer and he knows he will apply himself and succeed. 

That being said, he needs to get a job!  He needs to follow up with companies he is applying with, not just submitting a resume and application online.  Let me say it again:  He needs to call and follow up. 

Finding a job should be his full-time job right now.  Seriously.  He should be spending hours every day looking for a job.  He should get his resume edited (my university allows alumni to come back and do this for free), he should attend chamber of commerce meetings and network with professionals in the area, he should be looking for jobs in a variety of places. 

The longer he stays out of work, the less likely people are going to want to hire him-they’re going to question why he was unemployed for so long.  He needs to start doing SOMETHING, ANYTHING, now.

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