(Closed) Fiancé has big family, no money

posted 3 years ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
2458 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

Never count on money from anyone else until it’s in your bank account, and plan the wedding you can afford without needing anyone’s help.  Sorry you’ve learned that the hard way.

Post # 3
Member
2735 posts
Sugar bee

They aren’t obligated to give you anything. I’d lower my expectations.  I wouldnt want my wedding to turn into a huge family reunion on just one side and I sure a shit wouldn’t pay for it.

Post # 4
Member
8370 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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megsho :  “We didnt get a definite amount that they would contribute but we thought it would be a decent amount.” — In my opinion, any amount that someone gives you for a party that you’re throwing is a decent amount. I don’t see how anything else in your post is relevent. When she offered to pay for siblings who couldn’t afford it, she was talking about travel costs, not their reception food. So whether she’s paying that or not shouldn’t matter to you. In fact, if you’re so upset about the sides being uneven it seems like you’d be happy that she’s no longer able to help since maybe fewer of that side will show up. Sounds like you made some big assumptions and learned a life lesson: pay for yourself or at least have money in hand before relying on it.

Post # 5
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee

Is it too late to cancel the destination wedding, have a small ceremony in a reasonable place, then go to said destination for a honeymoon? I agree with a PP that I damn sure wouldn’t be funding a glorified, one-sided family reunion!

Post # 6
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

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megsho :  You literally are in the same situation as me. There is no way to put it lightly, it SUCKS. I am the main contributor to my wedding in September. I have been working my butt off and saving saving saving. At this point I’m not even enjoying wedding planning. My mom is also helping substantially. My FH and his family have contributed VERY minimally up to this point.’

The other day I asked my FH if his parents could pay $500 for the extra hour for the reception and he said he “can’t ask his parents for too much”. I’m over here like your parents have a double income, my mom has one income and is retiring this year. 

Ok rant over! If I could go back I would have had a super cheap wedding!

Post # 7
Member
30391 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Life lesson? Do not count on contributions to your finances, until the money is in your bank account.

Post # 8
Member
2599 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

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megsho :  Yuck bee. That’s definetly annoying. There’s nothing you can do at this point. Whats your current budget situation? What is this going to look like for you moving forward? Is there enough money in the budget to still host them? 

Post # 10
Member
5966 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

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azf0019 :  considering her wedding is in May and it’s a destination wedding, which I assume means plane tickets and hotel reservations, this would likely make a lot of people very upset.

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megsho :  If I had to do it all again we would invite way less people and not take money so that we could do things our way. You unfortunately learned the hard way that you shouldn’t count on others for money and should have asked for the amount up front (which it sounds like you already know). 

Where are you at with your budget? Are you able to scale back on anything to help with costs?

FWIW, our wedding had a similar split with the extra people on his side and I didn’t feel insignificant. It is still your wedding day after all.

Post # 11
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee

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MrsBeck :  I think that if people can afford plane tickets, they could always take an airline credit or use the already booked trip as a vacation for themselves and their families, seeing as this is what it sounds like his side of the family had in mind in the first place (OP’s words).

 

I guess I did skip over that the wedding was in May, but this is about her and her fiancé. If anyone’s feelings should be considered, it should be hers. It isn’t about them!

Post # 12
Member
5966 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

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azf0019 :  I can afford a plane ticket but many airlines don’t allow you to just take credit. I would be out $200 per ticket for the change fee and also whatever the hotel doesn’t refund, just because I can afford doesn’t mean I want to be out that money.

I’m of the opinion that once you invite people it’s not just about you anymore, especially if you’re asking people to spend the money it typically takes to go to a destination wedding (I’m sure this isn’t a popular opinion but it is my opinion so we can just agree to disagree on that portion).

 

Post # 13
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee

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MrsBeck :  I don’t think your opinion is unpopular at all, actually. I even agree to some extent, but if you make plans to go to *any* wedding, in my opinion, you should always be under the assumption that things could change at the drop of a dime and you, as a guest, don’t really have a right to be upset since it isn’t about you. 

 

Maybe I’m just overly optimistic in knowing that if I booked a plane ticket to a far away place and suddenly found out the wedding was cancelled, I’d still go and have a good time with my family. I know not everyone feels this way, but that’s just my perspective 🙃

Post # 14
Member
1051 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

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megsho :  i would be so annoyed. Has your fiance mentioned to them that finances are tight. Surely they woud have an idea of costs involved. If they have enough money to pay people to go to the wedding then they don’t sound too poor. 

I would be honest and say that you planned a destination wedding to cut costs and guests and now you have exceeded your budget if they don’t offer to help then at least they know to stop encouraging every person to come along.

over 100 people for a destination wedding is HUGE that is a standard home town wedding where I live.

i feel for you but unless you cancel last minute there isn’t really much you can do unless there are cheaper food/drink options. Can you make it a cash bar or cocktail instead of sit down. Ditch some extras?

Post # 15
Member
3058 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

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megsho :  Have your fiance tell them *directly* that you need more money from them. I wouldn’t hesitate, just as she didn’t hesitate to tell you to invite everyone in their family…. 

 

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