(Closed) Fiance has me in REALLY difficult situation….

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

That’s a pretty tight spot to be stuck in – sorry he’s not budging. I will say you’re right though – they’re a married couple, you can’t invite one without the other. Can you maybe talk to one of your FI’s friends or Future Mother-In-Law or someone like that? I’m sure most people will agree with you and tell your Fiance he should see your side on this one. He doesn’t have to like it, but he might have to let this one go.

Post # 4
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee

I don’t think there’s any way you can invite the wife but not the husband. Unless the guy did something totally egregious to your Fiance, it would be incredibly rude to not invite both. Her not inviting your Fiance to her wedding was also bad form, but because they’re married, this would be worse. If your Fiance refuses to back down, the best solution may be to just not invite either of them.

Post # 5
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I say don’t invite either of them.  I don’t think the invite to her wedding was an oversight, it was them saying that they don’t like your Fiance and don’t respect your relationship with him.  Personally I wouldn’t have gone to her wedding after that, but at this point I think you should just not invite either of them to your wedding.

Post # 6
Member
532 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I would think that you would have to either invite both, or just don’t invite them at all. If your Fiance hates the guy so much, maybe you should just not invite them at all. It doesn’t sound like she was very nice to you either by not allowing you to bring your Fiance to her wedding.

Post # 7
Member
2186 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

yeah i wouldnt invite her personally – but then again i would have declined the invite sans fiance too. but you cant invite one without the other. they are married. bad form.

Post # 8
Member
950 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Yeah, this wedding is your FI’s wedding, too & he shouldn’t have to see people he doesn’t want to at his own wedding.  Don’t invite either.  Like @greenleafmountain said: them not inviting your Fiance wasn’t an oversight.  Just b/c they invited you to theirs doesn’t require you to invite them to yours & they ignored your Fiance which is bad form. You (and your FI) should only have people around you that you WANT around you, not the ones you don’t want (well, unwanted family you have to put up with – they’re blood – but your friend’s husband is NOT).

Post # 9
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think it is rude to invite the wife without the husband, but that being said, I wouldn’t invite them at all. The fact that they invited you to their wedding without your Fiance speaks volumes, and just because you were at their wedding does NOT mean you need to invite them to yours! 

Post # 10
Hostess
18641 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I don’t think there is any way around this.  You need to invite them both.  They are husband and wife, a package deal.  I think that what she did to you was rude too though, since you have been together with you Fiance for a long time.

Post # 11
Member
687 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

In general, I think a husband has to be invited. A live-in boyfriend does not, IMVHO. My first wedding was VERY small and I didn’t not invite live-in boyfriends unless they were our friends, but that was a rule across the board. So, without knowing the details of why you were invited and your then boyfriend (not even FI) was not, I really can’t say that it came from a mean place, KWIM?

That said, if your Fiance won’t budge don’t invite either of them and don’t feel guilty about it. You’re not obligated to invite someone just because you were invited to theirs.

Post # 12
Member
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Think about it this way: how much time will your fiance ACTUALLY spend talking to this person at the wedding? None, if he wants to. So, I say avoid the uncomfortableness of not inviting him, and just put the blinders on at the reception. It would be the mature thing to do.

Post # 13
Member
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m not defending their actions- AT ALL- but there are some people who will not invite couples who are not engaged or married- and you said in your post that their wedding was prior to your engagement. (I am not one of those people, but I know some are).

Regardless, if you want her there, I think you have to invite them both. They are married now and it would look really bad to invite her without her husband. While I agree that what they did to you and Fiance was totally wrong, you shouldn’t  lower yourself to be like them. Either invite both of them or don’t invite them at all. But what your Fiance wants you to do will make you look just as bad as them.

Post # 14
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2001

Not sure how often you see this friend, but can you blame it on finances and say you had to “cut the list” 

Having worked two jobs and paid for our own wedding and our older family members saying, your third cousin has to be invited and so on.  My simple question was ARE YOU PAYING FOR THEIR PLATE?? and the subject was NEVER brought up again.

Post # 15
Member
2083 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

What a sticky situation!

I do think though that it is necessary to invite him… he is her husband. Even though you guys had been together for a long time, they may have had a rule in order to stick to their budget to only invite a guests’ husband/wife or fiance. Technically he was still your boyfriend at the time, right?

I agree it is a sucky situation, good luck with it!

Post # 16
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think crayfish& bloodgo1 are right- be the bigger, more polite person and invite both of them. I am politely inviting cousins & whatnot that I don’t like, but I figure I’ll be way too busy hanging out with my man and the people who love me to notice. 

Put on those blinders on concentrate on the fun stuff!

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