(Closed) Fiance has no clue how difficult it is to plan this wedding…

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2063 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@12345678:  Can you print off the questionaire and tell him to just “figure it out” with a deadline. I did something to that effect with my Fiance and now the man has a 7 page spreadsheet

Post # 5
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

I think you may want to schedule a time with him to sit down and discuss how you are feeling. Mocking you, devaluing your time and efforts, etc. is not an acceptable way for him to behave. If you want your marriage to be a true partnership, that partnership needs to start right now. He needs to become equally engaged in the remainder of the wedding planning activities and support you when you feel stressed. Right now he is not being the partner that you need. He needs to step it up, pronto.

Post # 6
2638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2006

I agree with the other ladies that sheltering him from all the decision-making probably isn’t helping. I am a worrier by nature and sometimes I feel like my husband disregards my concerns because he thinks I’m being uptight when really, shit just needs to get done. Once he can see that for himself, it’s much better. These kinds of events do NOT just magically come together. Same with having kids and planning for their arrival and nurseries and stuff.

Oh. And being mocked? DO NOT EVEN. If my husband ever did that he’d get whacked with the proverbial frying pan. It makes me SO MAD!!! LOL. It takes me to a really ugly place.

Post # 8
59 posts
Worker bee

OMG, it is just how guys are! Isn’t it like that for everything? Like during Xmas, don’t they drink and wait for the food to be ready? They don’t know you have to decide what you are going to cook, how many people you will have over, and all the details!

Don’t be bothered… It is just the way they function…

I ready this http://www.weddingbee.com/2007/01/11/it-begins/

here at weddingbee and thought it was hilarious. What they think a wedding is about: food, booze and some minister dude!

Hang in there!

Post # 9
2126 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Yeah, I think alot of grooms underestimate the amount of work that goes into this. I had an argument with my Fiance last night about this stuff….I was trying to figure out our itinerary and he just kept saying “hopefully it works out, or I don’t know yet..or don’t stress yourself out about it”….statemetns that were just infurating to a bride who’s tryng to get things done!!! Then he had the nerve to see “what all exactly do you need to do?” …really? LOL. I had to just walk away and cool off, I was not havin’ that. 

This certainly is a thankless job….and my groom works two jobs so I can stay in school so I don’t get many kudos for my efforts, I’m just supposed to figure it all out…LAME.

Post # 10
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Despite his text, I still like the send-him-the-questionaire idea.  Let him see all you are doing, and what goes into.  I think he’ll be more appreciative of your efforts up to this point, and more of a partner in the process moving forward.  There have been times when my Fiance gets tired of hearing me talk about planning stuff, but I remind him that if he wants to DO that aspect of the planning, I won’t have to talk about it.

Post # 11
674 posts
Busy bee

You’re far nicer than I would be if he started mocking me after ignoring everything else that needed to be done – especially if it’s largely “for him.” I would have told him that it’s on him to make this happen now, and he can cancel the damn contracts and pay the deposits himself if he finds he doesn’t want to do the work. Then, I’d give him the legal requirements for getting married and say that’s all I’m willing to plan.

It’s great that he apologized, but I do agree with @EastMeetsBarn that despite it, you might want to do more to drag him into this process. Remind him that you’re largely doing this for him.

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