(Closed) Fiance has strong preferences on gown styles. What to do?

posted 7 years ago in Dress
Post # 17
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@Gabthebee:  Ha. My Fiance does the same thing. He’ll share his opinion, but then end everything with “But hey, it’s up to you.” Sigh.

I don’t have much in terms of advice since I’ve barely started dress hunting, but maybe you and him can go look at some dresses and bridal accessories together just so he can actually see and feel what they’re really like? One time, my Fi hated lace and said it sounds like something his mom wore at her wedding 😛 But then we go to a bridal fashion show and saw some lace dresses there and suddenly he’s all, “Oh that’s not so bad. I kinda like it.” So you never know!

ETA: oh, sorry, didn’t see your update. It sounds like your FI’s preference is for clean (?) silhouettes with minimal detailing. Maybe you can start with something like a classic A-line or a sleeveless v-neck and go from there?

Post # 18
Member
719 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014 - South Bonson Pier & Community Centre

@Gabthebee:  I would look through photos of dresses together, and ask him to show examples of what he likes, and what he doesn’t like, and then take it from there. He could quite possibly be imagining something from the 80’s when he says he doesn’t like ______, so maybe having a more specific example would be a good idea. 

Post # 19
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

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@aggie2010:  lol, I just posted something similar after you did 🙂 And what is with guys and lace?

Post # 20
Member
1755 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

The best look is what suits your body and gives you confidence.  In the end that is the most important.  Perhaps ask a few questions and then try to strike a compromise.  For example, he hates lace – show him a photo of bridal lace and ask a few questions, would he mind a little.  An ex of mine thought of lace as the crocheted country lace his grandmother had for curtains.  Sometimes men have an inaccurate concept.

Another thing is that when he says he hates pouf, he may be thinking to the photos of his aunt’s 1980’s southern belle dress with hoopskirt.  Something partially fitted and partially flarexd might be an idea..  Disliking crystals, is he thinking a full sequined dress or something a la Big Fat Gypsy Wedding.

I’m not saying that all guys have no idea what they’re talking about or haven’t honestly thought about it, however I think a lot of the time they’re parroting back things they’ve overheard like when a little kid says they hate broccoli but they’ve never tried it.

Another idea, negotiate.  I’ve always wanted a veil.  DH thinks they’re dumb.  I told him I’d wear a veil for the ceremony and only part of the pictures and only a back veil no over he face veil.  Is he totally thrilled?  Nope.  Will he still think I look nice and live with it?  Yes!

Post # 21
Member
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

My Fiance also had strong opinions about what he wanted me to wear. I got the same advice about it being ‘my’ day and that ‘he doesn’t know really and will love whatever you pick out’. I took him shopping and we found a dress that we both love. I’m sure he’d be nice and complimentary about my dress if I picked something else but he is so proud and happy I picked something especially for him. He seriously can’t stop talking about it. 

Post # 22
Member
2167 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Gabthebee:  I would not worry about it in the slightest if I were you. I can almost bet that he will love anything you wear.

Post # 24
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@MsChandler:  +1

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@aggie2010:  +1

Exactly these.

Post # 26
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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@Gabthebee:  My Fiance is the same way.   He says I look good no matter what, but would prefer me with no makeup and comfy (which makes me happy)

With that being said, I didn’t want to put a lot of money into a dress I was only going to wear for a few hours.  We are going to Vegas, and there will only be about 20 people total counting us and the kids.  So, I bought a big tulle dress, for under $100 and was going to have it cut of to the knee area.  I thought it would be cute and I feel I’m to short for a long dress.  

We were watching SYTTD and he saw a short one about the length I was thinking and asked him what do you think of that…”That is NOT a wedding dress, short dresses are not what I consider a wedding dress”  Keep in mind he is more traditional than I am.

I was devastated!!  But then I went shopping AGAIN.  I’ve seriously tried on over 100 dresses, and for THE ONE!!!  The dress I will have is GORGEOUS!  I love it so much I don’t give a rats ass if he likes it or not.  I know I will glow in this dress from happiness and that is what he will like.

 

LONG story, still long… Have him look through magazines, watch SYTTD if he will and give you ideas of the shape of dress he likes.   Other than that, get what makes you happy because THAT is what will make him happy!!!

Post # 27
Member
211 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

My Fiance gave me a similar list on what not to have no poof, tulle, hates sheer/illusion, beading, lace, wants an open back. We talked and did photo trivia to see which he actually noticed on each dress while just doing a quick trip to DB. He noticed the poof more, really really wanted the open back but didnt notice lace at all and if the beading was just on the bodice it was fine. I think if you talk about what is the biggest thing he dislikes youll do better, maybe he really dislikes the big ballgowns but if the dress is slimmer he may not care about the other details. He may have a dress in his head that he just sees as ugly and thats why the list is so long. 

Post # 28
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

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@Gabthebee:  I’m sure our FIs mean it when they say they’ll be “fine” with whatever we get, but I want my Fi to be excited about the dress too! I’ll be so sad if the first time he saw me in my gown he goes and says something like, “Oh, that’s the one you went with?” or “Oh, it’s nice.” And it’s not like I could get really mad at him for that either…

Post # 29
Member
3101 posts
Sugar bee

@Gabthebee:  WELL… he dislikes veils of any kind, lace, bows, beading, sequins, “big” skirts (not sure what he classifies as “big”…) OH MY!

What guy likes those things?!  Those are girly things!  You need to pick the perfect dress for YOU and he’ll love you in it.

Post # 30
Member
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

If I were you I would buy whatever you like and feel looks better on you!

However, if you do want to ask him for his opinion, maybe you can try to find pictures of other brides with the same body type as you in different dresses, it might give him a better idea of what he can expect! Good luck 🙂

Post # 31
Member
544 posts
Busy bee

Get what you love. If that includes a nod toward his preferences, great. If not, fine. I guarantee on your wedding day, he’s not going to be standing there thinking ‘wow, she looks horrendous’, but rather how beauitful you look.

That being said, I do know exactly how you feel. Lol. My Fiance hates anything poofy, loves mermaid gowns, and I always imagined myself in a traditional ballgown. We compromised and I got a drop waist ballgown 🙂

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