(Closed) Fiancé hasn't seen me without makeup.

posted 3 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 61
Member
1703 posts
Bumble bee

starwarsfan2016 :  

I thought the same thing…I don’t get it! 

kittytwo :  I don’t think burping and farting in front of your boyfriend/fiance/husband fall into the same category as wearing or not wearing makeup…I don’t knowingly/intentionally burp or fart in front of my husband – it’s called having class. 

Post # 62
Member
9595 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

I think you’re going to need to get over the need to cover your face all the time. He’ll get used to it, so will you and everyone else in your life. Give your skin a break! It takes some time to get used to your natural face but it’s a worthwhile process.

Post # 63
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee

I get it! I didn’t have very good skin in my early 20s and I’m one of those people that looks really different without makeup because my eyelashes and eyebrows are super blonde and I dye my hair dark. People that judge the most harshly are usually the ones who only look marginally different with and without it. 

Like others have said, I would just ease into it. That’s what I normally do when dating someone. Just slowly start wearing less and less of it around the house when you’re lounging around. I also find getting my eyelashes and eyebrows tinted makes a HUGE difference so that I don’t really need it so much. And you can find tinted moisturizers that even you skin tone without looking heavy or clogging your pores. I actually usually do have at least a bit of makeup on around the house if i don’t have my eyebrows and eyelashes tinted otherwise i just look strange. And i’m not even someone that has a fully ‘done up’ sort of look. 

Post # 64
Member
1484 posts
Bumble bee

I remember feeling the same way. I was putting on my makeup at my SO’s (before we lived together) and he asked me why. I said I wanted to look good for him. He said I’m already gorgeous and he just wants me to be comfortable since it’s my day off. We are a sweatpants and relax at home kind of couple now. I actually think he prefers me without makeup at this point! 

I like you just thought I would never be able to let my guard down on the makeup thing. But once I did it gave me another opportunity to see that my SO loves me for me. Exactly as I am. It could do the same for your relationship. Think of it as a relationship enhancer and not as something that’s going to detract from what you have. Because if he’s worth marrying it never could. 

Post # 65
Member
929 posts
Busy bee

ct2015 :  No, its actually called being human, has nothing to do with class. Its all very natural.

Post # 66
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

ct2015 :  you don’t know when you’re gonna fart/burp? I can’t imagine holding in a fart/burp all damn day….. 

Post # 67
Member
1548 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

brunettebridehere :  I don’t even know how this is possible even under the circumstances you described. What happens when you gus go swimming, take showers, exercise etc.?

Imagine how liberated you’ll feel when you just get to be you and not all this fuss and show day in and day out.

Post # 68
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I must confess that this is a very bizarre concept to me. If I’m going to trust someone enough to marry them I sure as heck better be comfortable with showing them the real me, whether that be with actions, thoughts, quirks, habits, or makeup. 

Perhaps this strikes a little close to home for me as I was in a previous relationship once where I didn’t feel free to be myself and it was so stifling and unhealthy. Now, with my SO, he’s the one I feel most comfortable being the real me with. I know he’s going to love me no matter what because he loves me for who I am. 

Post # 69
Member
480 posts
Helper bee

My best tip for you is to have really nice hair the first time! Like, blow it and do pretty curls, be a bit tanned, then you gradually let the curls go, the tan will slowly fade and you will transform into your real, shreck-self without him even noticing! ❤

Post # 70
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Has anyone watched The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel?  It’s a pilot on Amazon right now and I REALLY hope it gets made because the first episode was SO GOOD.

She’s a 50s housewife whose husband has literally never seen her without makeup/hair done.  There’s a scene where she waits til he’s asleep, then goes and takes off makeup, puts her hair in curlers. etc.  Then the next scene is her waking up before him to put makeup back on, fix her hair, etc.  She gets back in bed and pretends like she’s asleep until he wakes her up, looking exactly as perfect as she did when they went to bed.

It’s funny in the show but sad to know there are actually still women who do this!!!

Post # 71
Member
34 posts
Newbee

I was nervous at first too because I have blonde lashes and look very different without mascara. I would try wearing less makeup sometimes. Say you’re going to his house to watch a movie…try wearing less than you normally wear. Get used to that and do even less the next time. I think this will help with your fear if you ease into it. Also try going to the store without it, or to visit family. Contrary to what you think, you will not look like a completely different person. He may even prefer you without makeup!

Post # 72
Member
1703 posts
Bumble bee

kittytwo :  Just because something is “natural” doesn’t mean you need to share it with other people. Do you take a shit with your husband in the room too? 

brikachu :  I am not with my husband 24/7…we have jobs and lives. Of course I don’t hold it in all day, but I don’t do it in front of other people. I have managed to live that way 40+ years without a problem…it really isn’t a sacrafice.

Sad that manners are now out the window too…

Post # 73
Member
776 posts
Busy bee

So I have no advice about the Fiance seeing you without makeup part. But I definitely do understand how scary and insecure it can be to have people see you without makeup. I used to wear makeup ALL the time, literally I would put on makeup to go to the grocery store. Then one time I was running late to work and I didn’t put it on and everyone was shocked, asking me if I was sick or okay just because I didn’t have a full face of makeup on. Realizing that I didn’t feel good about myself unless I put makeup on and people barely recognized me without it (that’s an exaggeration but still) was an eye opener. I began to wear less and less makeup as time went on. I’ll be honest, it’s still difficult. I don’t wear makeup to work most days (this is years later and the transition was slow) and I still feel weird speaking with someone without wearing makeup but it’s been good. Loving my face the way it looks naturally has been a nice transition. It’s also forced me to focus more on my internal self rather than external. I’m not going to tell you that you’re a bad person for not wanting to be seen without makeup. I totally get how that becomes part of your identity. I am going to tell you that you should discuss this with your Fiance and go ahead and do it. I promise that whatever you’re scared of is not going to be nearly as bad as what you think it is. You can do this girl! Just think that once you show your Fiance your no makeup face (and he doesn’t even notice) all this stress and worry will be gone and you can then move on to worrying about something else, haha. 😉

Post # 74
Member
2680 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

brunettebridehere :  “Yes some of these comments are weird I agree”

I have to disagree. I don’t think the replies have been “weird.” You posted about an issue that’s unusual and a lot of people have asked questions to try and gain a better understanding of your situation, so we could give more relevant advice. You haven’t given us a lot of info to work with & aren’t answering questions, so people are making assumptions based on the little bit of info they do have.

I asked if you had ever spent the night with your fiancé or traveled with him for a reason. If you haven’t had a sleep over with him in the past, just wash up as you normally would before bed. A grown man shouldn’t be shocked to discover that women don’t wake up with a full face of make-up on. Also, he’ll honestly probably be so happy to be spending the night with you that he won’t notice. 

If you have spent the night with him or traveled with him, and slept with your make-up on, you still need to rip off the bandaid and wash your face before bed. 

Could you clarify if this is a cultural thing? Did you have a very brief courtship/engagement and limited unsupervised time together? If this is the norm in your culture, maybe talk to your mom or girlfriends about it? I don’t think it’s something most women in western societies can relate to, which may be why you don’t like the answers you are getting. 

Post # 75
Member
2101 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

kittytwo :  True, farting and burping are human and we all do it. However, I’ve never felt like I had to regularly let it rip in front of anyone, including my Boyfriend or Best Friend. He hasn’t so far either. If something comes out inadvertently you say, “excuse me” and move on, but unless there’s an underlying illness that shouldn’t be the norm. Humans can also be discreet.

As for the make-up, just east into it OP. When my Boyfriend or Best Friend and I were first dating, I would always at least dab on a little concealer because of my dark undereye circles. After a while, I just wanted to wash my face, put on moisturizer and leave it bare around the house. You will get there.

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