(Closed) fiance hates only friend

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Hostess
1427 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Given that he came home ranting about her makes me suspect him even more… I’d believe your friend over him at this point. If he came home and said “I was at XYZ and ran into your friend So and So” it would give him more credibility.

Post # 4
Member
2840 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Is it at all possible that something happened between the two of them?

If not, then I am inclined to believe your BFF, too.

Post # 6
Member
1470 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@inevakay:  Um, I really really hope your next post is to announce you have left this loser. Reading your past posts and this one I cannot understand why you are with him. Why are you confused at all? 

Post # 7
Member
2840 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@inevakay:  hmmmmm, that’s tough. There’s a part of me that could believe your BFF in your original story…. there is also a part of me doing a LOT of speculating about either him hitting on her and getting turned down and ticked off or HER hitting on him and getting turned down and pissed off so it became “another woman” she saw him with so she can still be friends with you… maybe I shouldn’t speculate so much, but it’s where my mind went with this one. Sorry *hugs* I hope the truth comes to light for you soon.

Post # 8
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I am always cautious of guys who try to cause issues between their SO and their SO’s friends.

She clearly saw him there, and he saw her, because he came back talking about how awful she was and how you shouldn’t believe a word she says…it’s possible it was all innocent and she confronted him and wouldn’t take “innocent” for an answer because she didn’t believe him and that scared him, but that is such a slim possibility.  If you’ve caught him in a lie, don’t trust him, and don’t lose your friend over this.

Has he ever tried to separate you from other friends?  I know you say she’s basically your only friend, but was it always like that or was it more like that since you started dating him? 

Post # 9
Member
9578 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@sept22insf:  +1!!

PLEASE LEAVE HIM NOW.  What else has to happen before you will leave him?

Post # 11
Member
6215 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

@sept22insf:  +1. You need to leave him. I would believe your friend

Post # 12
Member
259 posts
Helper bee

I think you should confront him, if he says anything more about your friend just tell him that is not acceptable, if he did what she says he did, than leave him, you deserve better!

Post # 13
Member
9578 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@inevakay:  No, it’s not easy.  But in a way…it is very easy to know what you need to do.  Just leave.  Stand up for yourself and do it.  You’re an adult. Pack your stuff and move in with someone who can help you (your mom for instance).  You should probably seek counseling if you’re not able to leave him on your own.

Who the hell cares why he treats you that way, the fact is he does and it’s not okay.

Post # 14
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@inevakay:  It is that easy.  Not emotionally easy, but it is that simple.  Leave.  

It’s a problem that you can’t tell your family this stuff and know that they will accept him again; it’s a bad sign that you know they won’t.

It’s a problem that he’s being abusive.

It’s a problem that he’s trying to separate you from your friend.  

This is how the rest of your life will play out; do you really want to live like this forever?  It doesn’t magically go away.

I’m sorry that you’re faced with this choice, I know it’s hard.  But it’s better and easier to leave now than go through the pain of divorce. 

Post # 15
Member
1470 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@inevakay:  Sweetie, I am sorry, I didn’t mean to sound harsh, but you WILL have a much better relationship with someone else in the future if you learn not to accept this kind of treatment from anyone. Show jerks like him you deserve more. Even if you don’t quite believe it now, you will eventually if you take action. He can promise to change and all that, but just try to imagine being with someone who would never treat you like that to begin with. There are plenty of men out there who don’t even THINK about verbally abusing and controlling their partners.

I understand this kind of thing is a vicious cycle (you don’t believe you deserve more because of past abusive relationships and so you attract (and are attracted to) those who do the very same thing). I guess my advice is to work on building friendships with people who demand more out of their relationships. Learn by their example. Meet healthy people so you can start to see a better life for yourself!

Post # 16
Member
6215 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

@inevakay:  Still don’t know why you’re confused. It’s confusing why people treat others this way, yes, and it will take you a while to get over it, but there is really only one option for you, and that is to get away from him

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