- 9 months ago
Ok so I know there was a recent name change thread, but my situation is a little different. My fiance is INSISTENT that I change my name. We actually can’t talk about it right now or we’ll argue, and I’m actually embarrassed to share his views with my friends as I know they will think badly of him.
His reason is purely that “it’s tradition” and “everybody changes their name, it’s what you do”. I’ve tried to explain that not everybody does, but he doesn’t believe me.
My reasons for not wanting to change my name are that I’m quite attached to it. It’s fairly unusual which means that all my logins, social media handles, and gmail address are just my full name. If I change to his, I’ll be “Louise Surname 32” or have to include a weird combo of middle name or other things.
But more significantly, I lost my dad less than a year ago and just don’t feel ready to give up his name. I haven’t quoted that as a reason to him yet as worry he’ll see it as a bit of a sob story to get my way, but honestly it is a big reason for me.
I suggested that he change his name, and asked how he’d feel, to see if he’d get it, but he finds this idea laughable and won’t take it seriously.
Double barrelling isn’t an option, nor making my name a middle name, as our surnames are both two syllables and sound serious. I’ve tested it on many people and they think it sounds like a terrible law firm. Honestly it’s not great.
He’s now saying he won’t wear a ring if I won’t change my name. I think this is mean and he’s only saying it as he knows I would care about this. I also don’t think that me not changing my name, and him not wearing a ring is a compromise that would make either of us happy.
He even once said that he wouldn’t have asked me to marry him if he’d known (even though we’d had this discussion, albeit jokily before). I find this completely over the top, and just don’t get it. He’s not a traditional person in any other way but this seems to be a huge sticking point for him.
Anybody else been through this? Or anybody have any ideas for a way forward? Currently we’re at stalemate.