(Closed) Fiance installed spyware

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Should I stay at my mothers until he proves this is what he wants?
    Yes : (157 votes)
    79 %
    No : (18 votes)
    9 %
    Other please explain : (25 votes)
    13 %
  • Post # 3
    232 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    That is not ok! Complete breach of trust and very controlling.

    Post # 4
    885 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2009

    @berrixblonde:  this would seriously piss me off, not enough to break up over it, but it would be a serious problem. 

    Post # 6
    1220 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    I agree with PP..very strange and controlling behavior. I’d probably keep my distance too. 

    Post # 7
    1893 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    i too am a police wife, and IMO his career is NO excuse for that! You are not some dirt bag that he deals with while working. YoUr his soon to be wife. There is no reason (other then him not trusting you) for him to spy on you…. Maybe seek counseling too get past this.

    Post # 8
    3423 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @berrixblonde:  He’s projecting. Maybe he cheats? Either way it sounds like the start of a nightmare. Think long and hard before you marry this man. 


    ETA: I believe it’s also illegal in your state


    Post # 9
    1278 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    I would be mad too – but why are you deleting your browsing history? Both my partner and I have each others passwords and stay logged in on Facebook, emails, dont delete browsing history. Is there something you are looking at that would cause him to get concerned? 

    I had an ex who was so secretive about his web browsing (instinct was right – he was cheating!) and it drove me insane that he was deleting his browsing history.

    Post # 10
    1224 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    whoa not ok at all! I don’t understand his reasoning- that because you fight sometimes (like every couple) he wants to view your history?? Does he think you are looking at dating sites or something?

    From my experience, the more you try to intrude on someone’s privacy, the more secretive they become.

    Post # 11
    1877 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @berrixblonde:  That is a serious warning sign that he has the potential to be controlling and mentally abusive.  I would personally break up with a man that did that, but that may not be the right choice for you.  

    At the very least, I’d insist he go with me to a couples therapist to discuss this, because that is a very controlling behavior and indicates serious trust issues that should be addressed before you marry him. 

    Post # 13
    223 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Bad sign and particularly worrying that he is LEO. I’ve seen way too many instances of LEO abusing their professional powers to do crazy stuff to their SO or ex-SO. It is sadly not uncommon and cops have a long history of using equipment to track their SO, have their coworkers “keep an eye on” girlfriends/wives, etc… 

    It goes all the way to the worst examples like Drew Peterson who did all those things, plus much much worse before he ended killing two of his wives and got away with it for years because he was a cop. 

    I’m not saying your dating Peterson, but there is a huge problem with a cop using survielence tools to monitor your web activity. It leads me to belive he would have no problem using even more invasive spy tools from work on you if he wanted – it could also get him in big trouble at work.

    Post # 15
    2075 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014 - British Columbia

    Get him to uninstall it. If he refuses, then tell him that if he can’t trust you, it gives you enough grounds that you can’t trust him either. It’s simple. (Trust works both ways)

    He doesn’t NEED any reasons why what he did has hurt you. He should respect you and your freedom. Tell him that it hurts that he’s treating you like a kid and not an equal partner. He doesn’t need to know what websites you have been on; tell him you aren’t doing anything illegal.

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