Post # 1
My fiance and I agreed a while ago that we were not going to allow our unmarried guests to invite dates unless they were established couples who had been together for at least a year. Such was the case with Rob and Gina, who had been together for six years. They live up the street from us and we met them shortly after we moved in to our house about two years ago. Rob and Gina recently broke up and Gina moved out. Although we are a little closer to Rob (he and my fiance have become quite close), we nevertheless sent both Rob and Gina save-the-dates.
Rob has wasted no time finding someone else with whom he’s become quite serious. One night while we were out having a beer together, my fiance blurted out, “So can I put a ‘plus one’ on your invitation?” And, of course, Rob yes, “Oh, definitely. That would be awesome.” UGH!!!
Meanwhile, I had some girlfriends over for an invitation assembly gathering, and Gina came to catch us up on how she’s been since the breakup. Well, apparently, she wasted no time either and she’s hot and heavy with someone as well. AND, one of my other girlfriends announced that she just met someone with whom she’s very serious about. At no point did anyone ask or assume their dates would be on the guest list, and I certainly didn’t bring up the topic.
But, you can see the pickle I’m in. We can’t exactly invite Rob’s new squeeze and not his ex’s (not to mention my other friend’s). That’s a quick way to create hurt feelings.
My fiance and I discussed the bind this now puts us in, and my fiance agreed to have an adult conversation with Rob and chalk it up to bone-headeness and a temporary lapse of reason.
It’s been a week and no conversation. The wedding isn’t until May and our inviations haven’t gone out yet, but I’m getting a little concerned. From an etiquette perspective, are we handling this situation correctly?
Post # 3
@tdcwriter: I think you’ll get a lot of different responses.
But personally, I dont believe in inviting guests without a date. Especially when they will have been dating for 6+ months by the time your wedding rolls around. However, if you and your Fiance already agreed, then he needs to have the convo. with his friend sooner rather than later to avoid any hurt feelings.
Post # 4
I think the +1 unmarried dates rule is tricky (as you are finding out). If you are inviting some dates and not others, it’s hurtful to those whose dates are left out.
I think you need to do an all or nothing. Either all singles get a +1 if they are dating, or none do.
Post # 5
Good points. The wedding’s small and we have quite a few single friends, so we simply don’t have the luxury of inviting everyone’s dates. Given the fact that all three of these people just recently started their relationships and our invitations are going out next month, their relationships will still be pretty new by the time they go out. One thing we considered telling Rob was that we’d be happy to make room for his gf if there’s room, but we won’t know until closer to the date. The only problem with that is that, even in that scenario, we’d be granting an exception. How would Gina — who is also invited — feel if Rob’s gf was there and her bf wasn’t even invited? Ugh….
Post # 6
I have to agree with oracle. Personally i intend to let anyone i invite bring a date whether they be serious or not.
But if you are trying to keep the wedding small they will have to respect your wishes. The invites have not gone out yet so i dont think you need to worry too much.
Post # 7
I dont think you have to factor in how long they would have been together by the time the wedding rolls around. What matters is how long they have been together by the time the guest list is being put together. I think your fiance was wrong to offer rob’s new girl a spot without first discussing it with you and coming to an agreement together.
Post # 8
@Rush1986: I agree with Oracle, too. If money were no object, we’d invite everyone’s dates. But it would be more offensive NOT to invite our single friends (date or no date) in order to blindly follow an “all or nothing” rule. That would be a more expeditious way to lose friends, In My Humble Opinion. The save-the-dates went out with only the names of those we intend to invite, but I realize no one pays attention to whose name(s) are on them. LOL
Post # 9
@bells: Well, it certainly wasn’t the smartest thing he ever did. It was just diarrhea of the mouth, so to speak, and what’s done is done, unfortunately. Personally, I think Rob will totally understand. My fiance feels awful and is probably putting off the conversation because he doesn’t want to upset Rob. Sigh…