Post # 1
Im having a conundrum right now and I dont really have a clue what to do.
Fiance has been super tired lately-lethargic, less patient, irritable. I asked him over the last two days what the matter was and even he has no idea what the matter actually is. According to him he sleeps 8-9 hrs a night, eats normally and consistantly at consistant times. All I do know is that he spends everyday at home (I have suggested that he get out and a bout more- I mean he has 5 weeks off school! Go to the gym, get around a bit. He said he would try to)
The other thing is that apparently he’s working on some sort of surprise for me for the coming weeks; this thing, whatever it is, is apparently taking at least 3 weeks to plan. I have no idea what this is, but apparently its somewhat labor intensive. I hope I dont sound ungrateful when I say that whenever he has told me over the last week that all he does is look up twitter and work on this surprise, that I become worried for him? I mean I believe in a balance in things (work life, social life, school life (not really applying to me anymore but you know what I mean) and personal life). He hasnt even applied for jobs yet because this surprise is taking him all his time? That doesnt sound like the motivated person I know, the person who kicked my butt to land the job I love right now.
Im just worried that whatever this is tiring the dickens out of him. Im also worried about the change in behaviour because he’s usually somewhat more energetic than this, and hes the kind of person who sets goals, and follows through on things. He was looking forward to going to the gym just two weeks ago finally after being of school for a bit, and now he’s just meh about it. Most of all Im feeling a sort of distance from him and he tells me that “it’ll pass.” He’s never lied to me in the past, so I have no reason to doubt his assessment of his state and what not, but Im worried he’s not being completely honest about his health, or his feelings. Or maybe he just cant put it into words? Its wierd because well, he’s usually such an open book, and Im feeling like the book just shut a bit or something (poor poor metaphor!). Our communication is our strength, its always has been, but Im so very confused about this recent shift in his behaviour and the malaise he seems to have that Im quite worried for him.
Am I overreacting? Is there something I can do to help be there for him? Im trying to be an active listener, and its more than obvious he isnt ready to talk about it right now- he wants to talk about pretty much anything else actually. I just feel like he isnt all there when we do talk tho, and its starting to get to me. If anyone has advice (and I apologise for this being lengthy!) please post it.
Post # 3
Seriously, I’ll take any advice lol. Even if its just to chill out and have a glass of wine.
Post # 4
I don’t think your overreacting by worrying about it. A drastic change in my FI’s behavior like that would concern me. Hopefully this surprise is just what has him so preoccupied right now and that when it’s done he will be back to his normal self. Is there any way that you can go to the gym with him or try to do any activities with him to get him up and moving?
I know that when my Fiance was laid off and spent most of his time at home he kind of got into a little rut. He actually started sleeping regular hours (8-9 a night) and felt more and more tired everyday. I think a lack of stimulation when you are used to moving 24/7 can cause some major changes in behavior.
Maybe you could plan some little things to do over the weekend like going for a hike or just walking around your town enjoying each other’s company. If all else fails get some nerf guns and challenge him to a duel.
Post # 5
is it possible that he is depressed? I dont what to say, does he have any friends that can get him out the house? that might help
Post # 6
Honestly, it probably is just a touch of boredom. I get a little cranky when I have too much aimless time too, even if I am “working on something” at home. It’s a bit of a catch 22 that you’re too bored to go do something about it…
That said, it COULD be something more serious. Not to turn you into a total hypochondriac, but the last time my husband had a major shift like that (tired all the time, not really excited about anything, and irritable as all get out), his immune system had attacked his thyroid, and now he’s on medication for it, likely for the rest of his life. Hormones are tricky little things 🙂
Hope it’s a quick turnaround for you guys!
Post # 7
@miss sparkly cat: I dont think so- the onset of depression is alot more gradual than this (two weeks out from school? hell he was more cheery a few days ago! its literally been a noticable issue these last few days, but when I reflect back on it I see a bit that he was getting progressively more tired by the end of school).
We both have very active social lives, we talk everyday, and just a few days ago we were hanging out at the pool together with friends. He was really himself that day and now, I dunno somethings on his mind he’s just not ready to share it with me I think.
@FloretteLiz: Im trying to convince him to come to the pool with me (I have lessons but afterwards we usually just hang out together and he likes to teach me a bit more because Im a beginner swimmer. It gives us both a chance to spend time together. For some reason this surprise is the reason why he doesnt want to go tomorrow :S ).
I really am trying to suggest (not push) him to get out and about more, and I dont even know what our plans for the weekend are besides venue booking (I have considered it maybe being wedding planning thats getting him all like this, but actually he gets REALLY excited about wedding stuff, and sounds like his normal self during those times.)
As you can see, the guy isnt giving me alot to go off of. I really am trying.
Post # 8
@SapphireSun: Me too; I hope its true in this case that the simpliest answer is usually the right one, and he’s just bored and listless- that I can deal with, I was like that before I had the excitement of my new job. I just get worried that maybe seeing me so happy at work and me moving forward is making him feel left behind, or making him feel even more listless. But that doesnt make sense because we’ve actually spent more time together than we have when he was attending school and I point blank asked him if he felt neglected and he said no.
But I do get the whole “god Im so bored and dont want to do anything about it” thing. I was like that after I graduated for like a month. Maybe its just that easy then.
Post # 10
Hmm hopefully it is just the boredom. If you are worried about it being health related I would talk to your Fiance about possibly seeing a doctor. Do you have health insurance that provides a nurse line or anything that you can consult? Hopefully he’s close to the end of his surprise planning. Unfortunately I think knowing the surprise might shed some light on the matter, but then that would ruin it of course.
Post # 11
It might be that he is bored. Honestly, I”ve been not myself this past summer and I’ve noticed so many others around me feeling the same way. It’s been so hot this year, work seems endless and stupid, and if I were him, being home all day might make me crazy, too.
Plan something cute for you two to do this weekend and see how he is. Try to pick something you either love to do together or something new. See if he opens up then…maybe he is bored, or maybe he is just at a turning point with some things in life and is just thinking. Unfortunately, men sometimes forget the use of language when they are going through a rough patch.
Post # 12
He msged me earlier today and we figured out that he should just postpone the present and we should spend more time together, and him spend some more time on himself making himself happy 😀 It worked out in the end!
Turns out it really was the surprise (it apparently takes 95 hours to complete, whatever the hell it is). I said just to save it till christmas and to enjoy the rest of his summer with me, and to start looking for a parttime job 🙂
We are going to book our venue tomorrow hopefully so wish us luck! Thanks again ladies for your wonderful advice!
Post # 13
Maybe with him not being so active (mentaly, and pysically) he might be having sleep issues even if he cant remember, and is sleeping the usual time. I have that problem some times, basically you dont enter the right sleep phases so you arent as rested no matter how long you sleep.