Post # 1
I am literally sick to my stomach with anger right now.
My Fiance and I recently merged checking accounts. I know when all of our bills are due, but I still pay mine and he still is responsible for paying his. I deduct the amounts from our register and keep track of how much we have.
I even tell him when his bills are due even though he is supposed to already know. This month, he missed his JCP card (which is now due next month and is an $85 minimum payment) AND his car payment. His car payment was due on the 7th and it’s now the 17th! There is a grace period, but it’s not that long!
Missing payments is a really serious thing and we can’t afford those payments to jump up as a result of it. Or interest rates, or whatever else they might do!
He is thoroughly apologetic and says he just forgot and swore he already paid them, and says he will try harder to remember from now on, but it’s seriously not comforting to me at all to hear that because he has done this multiple times even before we merged accounts.
I said “Do I have to get all of your account info from you so I can make these payments myself?” And I’m not just being an ass, I’m serious. If I have to be responsible for making sure everything gets paid on time, I will be. I would much rather rely on only myself than worry if he is going to forget something one month.
But he’s like “No, i’m sorry, I will remember from now on, I will try my hardest to”
Uhh.. this ain’t about tryin’ y’all! UGH he just makes me want to bash my head against my desk somtimes!! He feels really bad and I hate to make him feel like a child because I don’t want to take on that role where I do everything and make him feel useless… but I seriously might have to demand I be responsible for this because he has proven over and over again that he just can’t handle it.
Post # 3
Can he just set it up to auto-deduct?
Post # 4
Mine missed a couple of phone payments and has since set up auto pay. Just so much easier.
Post # 5
@Westwood: +1 This would be easiest I think. My car payment was automatic so I never had to worry about it. You can do that for most bills.
Post # 6
@rumpunch712: I had this problem when we merged our bank accounts as well. I set up everything as recurring direct debits from our checking account which saves a ton a time. I am an organization freak, so I know the exact date that all of our payments come out. Do you have the option to set up automatic withdrawals? It’ll save you a lot of time minus the headache of missed payments.
Post # 7
My fiance is completely scattered too. I pay all of our bills (rent, electricity, water, etc). I’m pretty over-organized though so I like to keep track of everything. It works for us best when I pay everything and keep track of our budgets. He does pay his phone bill so I guess he manages that.
Post # 8
@rumpunch712: be REALLY careful with this, as it can effect your credit as well. If your SSN is tied to his in any way, you can end up having an (incorrect) terrible credit score. Speaking from experience, it takes months and hours of time to correct this.
Post # 9
I just do all the bills. My FH is a scatter brain too. What bills he does have to pay himself are set to auto-pay.
Post # 10
How about you just pay all the bills? It sounds like it would be a lot less of a headache. My Fiance pays our bills because it’s his thing. He likes it. I hate doing it and I also forget. So that works for us.
Give him another responsibility that he’s good at!
Post # 11
My Fiance is the same way, that’s why I am in charge of all household bills. I am lucky because he knows he is terrible at it and relinquishes the control easily because of that. I would get a strong handle on that before you get married and it starts dinging your credit.
If you have merged accounts, you are obviously sharing the income so why not just have you responsible for all the bills? Makes sense to me.
Post # 12
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
I second either auto-deduct, or just passing control over to you if you’re better at this. No shame in that.
You wanna hear something really bad? My Fiance didn’t pay our storage unit bill for a few months (partly a problem with their system of auto-pay), didn’t follow up in time to deal properly, and they SOLD ALL OUR STUFF. It wasn’t a ton of valuables, but definitely things I would have preferred to keep! Including old photos, collectibles from trips to South America, our coffee table, lots of books, a fly-rod that was my grandpa’s, etc.
But, he feels so so awful. So I’m not mentioning it and just moving on. And he’d do the same for me….
Post # 13
I’m one of those over-organized people too, ha… but it’s easy for me because I have a desk job and I’m at a computer 5 days a week for 8 hours a day. I really want to be responsible for all of them, but he is begging me to let him redeem himself. I really don’t wanna be one of those girls who makes her man feel small because she doesn’t think he is capable of managing things, but he’s showing me he isnt’! Ugh.
I will definitely look into the auto payments… hopefully this can help us out. Thank you for reminding me about that option everyone 🙂 I feel like I have an ulcer in my stomach at the moment!!!
Post # 14
@rumpunch712: Yeah, you either have to get him set up for auto-pay or take it over yourself. This was a HUGE issue for my parents. For decades, mom tried to get Dad to pay some of the bills and inevitably, whatever utility he was responsible for would get shut off regularly! For a year after she died, I ended up paying all the bills myself (I was living with him).
Post # 15
Set up auto-pay or you just pay all the bills. Yes he is an adult and should remember these things but some people just forget things like this. If he doesn’t want you to pay his bills for him then set reminders on his phone 7 days before the bill is due, then set up a back up reminder 4 days before it’s due. He can’t forget (hopefully) if he has multiple reminders leading up to the due date. Oh and make it for a time he is home and can write checks/pay it online, not at like 6 am when he’s probably sleeping.
Post # 16
@lolot: yikes. I applaud your not making him feel like crap about that, lol. I really would be more understanding with my guy if it was the first time he missed something like this, but it’s happened over and over. And I’ve already heard the promises to try harder so it’s getting old!
But ok – good advice. I’m trying to let him know I just want to find a system that works for both of us and that I’m not trying to make him feel bad.