(Closed) Fiance is completely scatterbrained and forgets to pay bills!!

posted 7 years ago in Money
Post # 17
Member
2598 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@rumpunch712:  Okay, I might be projecting here because this was a major, major issue in my first marriage. And it never, ever got better. 

My ex-husband was and remains a financial f-up.  I thought he’d mature and outgrow it.  He never did.  I can’t tell you how many times he was devastated that his irresponsible handling of money caused us embarrasment and real problems. He would improve for a short time but always go back to just not paying bills on time.  I’d ask him if he’d paid such and such and he would always tell me he had.  Sometimes he actually had, most time he hadn’t.  Money was never the issue – we always had plenty of money for bills – he just couldn’t get his shit together. 

My advice to you is to just take over the bill paying now and save yourself a lot of grief. 

Post # 19
Member
7310 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

Since he is adamant that he wants to “fix” this, it’s probably best to let go of the anger you are feeling. Lots of deep, cleansing breaths and such. Then, in a few days, nicely suggest that setting his bills up to be automatically paid from the account may be a good way for him to get back on track with his goals. Make it about making his own life easier…. helping himself, essentially. That way he won’t receive it as another criticism from you. If he feels criticized, he’ll get defensive and shut down. That doesn’t help anyone. So be gentle and supportive.

And if that still doesn’t work, and this happens again, you’ll need to have a calm, rational diuscussion about dividing household tasks and how to do so in a way that plays to each of your strengths. Then you can assume all bill paying duties and he can assume a chore in an area that is better suited to his strengths. There is nothing wrong with dividing things up in a way that assures mutual success. πŸ™‚

Good luck!

Post # 21
Member
984 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Let me guess…he’s a mama’s boy too. It seems like most of the guys I know with irresponsibility issues are mama’s boys who never learned how to take care of themselves. So frustrating! 

Post # 22
Member
9129 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

@rumpunch712:  Thanks.  I definitely made him feel like crap for a few hours, but then I dropped it.  I haven’t even bitched to ANYONE about it, so it felt good to bitch here!!!  Laughing

I’m trying to let him know I just want to find a system that works for both of us and that I’m not trying to make him feel bad

Yeah I think that’s the key.  Sounds like this is NOT his area of responsibility, since it happens over and over – so I’d just take over all the bills, even the ones that are his.  Good luck!  When I’m annoyed about this kind of thing, I try to remember the things that i suck at, but that he’s really good at and does for both of us….  Cooking, finding lost items, dealing with any sort of electrical/cord issue, etc.

 

Post # 24
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@rumpunch712 I agree with pp your best bet is to set up automatic payments (if he continues to struggle with this in the future).

I’m much like you in that I am organized structured and pay my bills on time, and by on time, I mean early! LOL!

I honestly feel like money management and things of that nature is a gift that comes easily to others or a skill that some people can master, some people never will no matter how hard they try, it’s just not a strength of theirs.

We all have our strengths and weaknesses and when you talk to him maybe that’s something you can mention so that he doesn’t take it personal that he struggles in this area.

It might be best for you to take over the money managment in your household and let him handle other areas that he is better suited for because as well all know, you have to pick your battles.

Good luck, hope everything works out!

Post # 26
Member
14987 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

If he can’t handle it, which he’s shown he can’t, I think he should just let you take care of it.  This is not just a small oops… it has huge impact on your financial future.  Not only do you pay for it now in late payments and/or rising interst rate on your car, as well as compounding interest on the balance due, this will effect his credit and your future mortgage/car payments with you.  It’s not just oops, I’ll pay a late fee, you are potentially setting yourself up to pay thousands upon thousands more cause of bad credit cause by this little oops. To me, he wouldn’t get a third chance to forget.

Post # 27
Member
2188 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

@rumpunch712: Oye if you already set reminders and they don’t work then just pay it yourself or do autopay, you don’t want to be paying late fees and having this affect your credit.

Also thanks, I love the show and Sheldon! I didn’t get to watch the finale yet, I dvr’d it! Tomorrow I’ll watch it!

Post # 28
Member
436 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I am TERRIBLE at paying my bills on time.  I don’t know why this is- I always have the money to pay I just always either put it off or space it.  I’ve been this way for years and I’ve struggled with it.  My Fiance is totally anal about paying bills/money management so he pays mine and then I just write him one check for the entire amount once a month.  Now my bills are always paid on time and we’re both happy.

 

Win-win!   And I echo what all the other bees said about embracing your strengths/weaknesses as a couple.

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