(Closed) Fiance is in wedding but I am not

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
1151 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

My SO was in a wedding a few years ago. 

1) I was not invited to the rehearsal dinner

2) If I remember right he got ready with the groomsmen and I did arrive a little later. We also had one car at the time. I can’t remember if I dropped him off or if he caught a ride with another groomsmen.

3) They did formal pictures after the ceremony and there wasn’t a cocktail hour. There was no alcohol at all. Guests mingled for about 45 minutes before having dinner. I didn’t know anyone at the wedding except I did happen to run into an old coach of mine who happened to know the bride and groom so I socialized with him. Other than that I just hung around and explored the venue  

My SO sat at the wedding party table so I didn’t get to eat with him which kind of sucked but we got to dance together later on. 

Post # 17
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

A couple of months I was a bridesmaid at a friend’s wedding.

1) My Fiance came with me to the rehearsal and the dinner afterward. It was funny because one of the groomsmen didn’t make it and he stood in as a replacement during the rehearsal.

2) The bridesmaids got ready at the bride’s house that morning so he dropped me off and then drove himself separately to the wedding. I caught a ride from another bridesmaid to the ceremony location. 

3) In our case he mingled and enjoyed the cocktail hour while I was in the formal pictures and then I caught up with him at the reception. 

Post # 18
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I’ve had two experiences (I was in a wedding, Fiance was not and Fiance was in a wedding and I was not)

1. We were both invited to both (for the wedding Fiance was in I was actually invited to the rehearsal because I am friendly with the bride and offered to help with anything she needed…I actually stood in as the FOB because he had car trouble) 

2. For the wedding Fiance was in, I was with the Groom/Groomsmen while they got ready, the bride asked me to make sure they did their ties right, made sure they left for the church on time, etc.  For the wedding I was in, Fiance just showed up before the ceremony started.

3. For the wedding Fiance was in I watched the Bride and Groom’s daughter during the pictures she wasn’t needed for. And then just sat inside the venue while the did all the family pictures. For the wedding I was in, we did all the pictures before the ceremony, so everyone attended the cocktail hour together, which was great!

Post # 19
1193 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

View original reply
kelsina:  I don’t know what’s proper but for our wedding, we had his two groomsmen in the wedding but their wife/gf’s were not. I did however welcome the girls to come along early with them to the wedding, in fact they even helped the boys get ready which really helped out! If we had a rehersal dinner, I would have invited them to that. As for photos, the girls knew several of the other friends there and just hung out with them for the 1/2 hour/hour we needed them for photos. Everything worked out quite well. 

Post # 20
5151 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

Usually spouses should be invited but my husband was in a wedding where he was “reminded” that no spouses were invited to the rehearsal dinner. Rude. 

You can probably drop your husband off wherever the groomsmen are getting ready and then meet up with him later at the wedding.

I would see if your Fiance can introduce you to someone (another groomsmen spouse, etc) that you can hang out with during the ceremony/cocktail hour if you dont know anyone else. 

Post # 21
1178 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I was in this situation last year.  I didn’t know the B + G super well when invites went out but by the time the wedding rolled around we were pretty good friends.  The bride was so nice and understanding of the situation.  I was invited to the rehearsal dinner, sat at the head table with my Fiance, and she even invited me to hang out with her and the bridal party while they got ready since she knew I would just be waiting around while my Fiance hung out with the GMs.  I don’t know if this is the norm but I certainly plan on doing the same if there are any SO’s in this situation at my wedding.

I would say that you’ll certainly be invited to the rehearsal dinner (or you should).  Other than that I’d expect to be able to entertain yourself while they are getting ready and during cocktail hour.  Mingle and meet new people! Are there any other SO’s of the wedding party you could make plans with to meet up beforehand?

Post # 22
2065 posts
Buzzing bee

1) Yes, you should be invited.

2) I would have your Fiance work out a way to get to the wedding with the other GMs.  That may mean you having to drop him off or someone having to come and get him.  This way you can get ready and show up for the wedding in your own time.

3) The couple should have a cocktail hour.

Post # 23
394 posts
Helper bee

My boyfriend has been in a few weddings, while I have only been a guest. 

1) For the two that we’ve been to together, yes, I was invited. 

2) He could ask another groomsmen for a ride, or you could try and find another person going that you know, or that your fiance knows to try and catch a ride with. I used UBER before, as well. 

3) We had a cocktail hour at both of the weddings we went to. The first one, the wedding party had already taken most of the photos, so they were gone maybe 15 minutes. The second wedding, they used the gap to take all of their photos. Fortunately, at the first wedding, I made friends with the girlfriend’s of other groomsmen (who were my boyfriend’s friends). At the second wedding, there were two other girls who I knew (and ended up getting a ride with) there so we just stayed together until the bridal party arrived at the reception. 

Post # 28
6002 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

View original reply
kelsina:  i never understand how people can’t be on their own for bits of an event in situations like this. trasnportation can be tricky but outside of that there are simple solutions to all of your questions. 

1. some do some don’t. if you aren’t, Rehearsals rarely last long and at most you’ll be on your own for dinner that day. Order some yummy take out and watch a movie or catch up on your dvr. 

2. yes you need to arrive separately. See if you can arrange a ride to the church or see if one of the other groomsmen can pick up your SO. Worst case scenario, you can just drop him off where he needs to be in the morning and then go about your day since he will be taken care of with the rest of the bridal party. 

3. when he’s doing his thing with the bridal party, get yourself a drink, go to the ladies room and freshen up, go around and look at and appreciate the details of the wedding like the guest book, decor and little touches that are bound to be there if you are already at the wedding venue. If you aren’t you can go get some coffee, drive to the reception venue and get yourself situated. You can also take this time to go for a smoke break if you smoke, play on your phone, scroll through social media if you have that. The point is, you are perfectly capable of entertaining yourself for a while if he needs to step away. you’ll figure it out. 

Post # 29
6002 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

View original reply
weatherbug:  it’s not rude to not include people outside of the rehearsal. The rehearsal isn’t really an event, it’s there to rehears and really no one needs to be there other than those with a part in the wedding. If there’s a meal afterward that’s for the bride and groom to thank those who are participating in the wedding and there’s nothing wrong with not inviting spouses to that kind of event. I would wonder why I was at a wedding rehearsal for a wedding I wasn’t in if SO was in it and I wasn’t. 

View original reply
kelsina:  I would never end a friendship with someone over not inviting my spouse to their rehearsal dinner. maybe I would question how close we were if they didn’t invite my spouse to their actual wedding with me but a rehearsal dinner? really? 

Post # 30
699 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2019

1) Yes

2) Drive your fiancé to wherever he needs to be, then take the car and return home to get ready, or bring a book & head to a coffee shop, or go get your nails done

3) Mingle with other guests. If you don’t knwo anyone & feel shy or don’t want to mingle then go for a walk.


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