(Closed) Fiance is Jewish, I’m not. Help?

posted 6 years ago in Jewish
Post # 3
Member
1199 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@zombiemonster:  I think you could definitely step on the glass at the end of your ceremony…there isn’t anything relgious about it that I can find, its just jewish tradition.

Post # 4
Member
1595 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

you can have a gorgeous chuppah to get married under!

  • Just as a chuppah is open on all four sides, so was the tent of Abraham open for hospitality. Thus, the chuppah represents hospitality to one’s guests. This “home” initially lacks furniture as a reminder that the basis of a Jewish home is the people within it, not the possessions. In a spiritual sense, the covering of the chuppah represents the presence of God over the covenant of marriage. As the kippah served as a reminder of the Creator above all, (also a symbol of separation from God), so the chuppah was erected to signify that the ceremony and institution of marriage has divine origins

    you could incorporate the tradition of “breaking the glass”

Post # 5
Member
231 posts
Helper bee

Darling Husband is also Jewish, and I’m not, although neither of us is religious (we’re both actually atheists, but the cultural aspects of Judiasm are important to Darling Husband and his family.)

Here’s what we did: we had a secular ceremony with a judge presiding. The two of us (and the Judge) stood under a chuppah (although we didn’t do the circling around part, and he wasn’t wearing a yarmulke), had a ketubah and signed it as part of our ceremony (we got it from Jennifer Raichman on Etsy and picked out secular wording that we liked – the Judge read a little passage about the history and purpose of a ketubah as we were signing, for the benefit of my family and other non Jewish guests), and Darling Husband stepped on the glass at the end of the ceremony. We thought it was nice, and incorporated some important aspects of Jewish weddings. 

Good luck!

Post # 8
Member
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

You could do the Horah during your reception.  That is always fun to watch!

Post # 9
Member
2697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

The Horah is awesome. Seconded!

Post # 10
Member
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

You can purchase a special glass in a bag but what a lot of people do is put a lightbulb in a cloth bag and stomp on that–glasses are hard to break and a lightbulb will go with one good stomp and makes a louder sound.  He is to use his right foot and the Jewish guests will hopefully shout Mazel Tov!  This signifies the end of the wedding ceremony and the beginning of the celebration.  It’s also supposed to temper the joy of the celebration with a reminder of the destuction of the temple in Jerusalem.  

I would say that getting married under a chuppah without a rabbi would be not a great idea.  I thought about it myself but I ultimately decided not to do so–it’s a pretty significant tradition with a lot of rules and I feel that it would be disrespectful to incorporate that without a rabbi involved.  For instance, only the bride and groom and rabbi are to be under the chuppa.  No jewelry at all is to be worn or carried by anyone except the plain gold band for the bride.  If the groom is to have a band, it’s supposed to be held by someone outside the chuppa and placed on his hand there.  Some more contemporary congregations are not so strict but that’s the tradition.

There is a lot of symbolism with a lot of Jewish traditions.  So that you remain respectful and choose approriately, I’d investigate the meaning behind anything you want to incorporate as well as all of the traditions.  His family will appreciate the incorporation as long as you do your homework.  Just grabbing shiny bits from someone’s religious culture to stick in your wedding (not saying that you will do this but be mindful to avoid doing this) is very disrespectful.  Jewish people tend to take our culture very seriously and even if you mean well, if you don’t do it right, there is huge potential for a lot of hurt feelings.

Post # 11
Member
1595 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@zombiemonster:  Nope, definitely no standard-  it could be as intricate or simple as you like (it is actually more traditional that the chuppah be made of branches)- you should google pictures of chuppah with flowers etc.- you will find tons of photos!

You can also have your guests write blessings and have them put the notes on the branches before the ceremony (see photo below)

<—LOVE this one!

Post # 12
Member
1595 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@zomgwut:  I just read your posts and you do make very valid points…

also…….you are getting married on the day we plan to get married- may 26th!! We are looking at venues in a couple of weeks (i hope they aren’t all booked ahh!)

Post # 13
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

My FH is Jewish, I am not.  A reform rabbi married us.  We did incorporate soley religious elements like the sheva brachot and shehecheyanu.  We also did the breaking of the glass, signed a ketubah, chuppah, and my husband wore a yalmurke. Both of my parents walked me down the aisle, and my husband walked down the aisle with his parents.

I’m confused about what a PP said… we were told that the parents also stand under the chuppah… I’ve been to a few other Jewish weddings where this was done, and also saw a post on it here the other day.

 

Post # 14
Member
1595 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

With regards to the chuppah- tbh I don’t your guests would find it offensive at all, if you have guests that are jewish and find you incorporating a chuppah into your wedding offensive than chances are they wouldn’t be attending your wedding in the first place because it is a mixed religion wedding, just for the sole fact that you are not jewish and he is (do you know what I mean?)

Here is a thread on chuppah’s (I wouldn’t read past the first page to avoid ridiculous drama); AND the situation is a bit different than yours but there is a bride on there who was not jewish and married someone who is and she had one at her wedding!

http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/can-a-christian-bride-have-a-chuppah

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