(Closed) Fiance is Overly Attached… to House Plants

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
558 posts
Busy bee

Poor guy, I understand that he wants to treasure things that are important to his mom, but at the same time it’s your guys’ shared living space. Maybe you can get crafty and create nice pot holders or something for them? Trim them down? Clean them every so often from dust/bugs? Do you have a patio? Maybe getting a nice screen or pull down shade for the patio will allow them to survive out there?

Post # 3
Member
9286 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Omg I’m sorry I just had to say that I thought this was about your Fiance being overly attached to house PANTS and I was about to tell you to let the poor guy wear his comfy pants. 

In relevant news, agree with the advice above.

Post # 4
Member
1941 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2018 - City, State

Oh…this is a toughy!

I had a similar tiff with Fiance when we first moved in together. His beloved aunt who he barely ever sees got us a house warming plant. A HUGE potted plant in our teeny 600 SF apartment. It was a monstrosity and made our big beautiful kitchen window look horrible and it was shedding dead leaves on my clean floors and attracted bugs. Awful. 

Anyhoo, I’m ridiculously afraid of bugs, like its really bad. So I just sat him down and said Fiance listen the plant is cool, but its gotta go. Its attracting bugs and is making me feel unsafe and uncomfortable and on edge in my own home. He got rid of it. Maybe you could attack it in that sort of context? Assuming it would be semi-believable that you are afraid of bugs. 

OR…just tell him you understand the sentiment but the plants are ridiculous and offer suggestions for a different way to remember her. A nice picture? Or a beautiful, much smaller plant? (We have a little bamboo plant, its cute and doesn’t attract bugs or have dead leaves!)

Post # 5
Member
47214 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

marriedtopizza: These plants couldn’t have been a complete surprise to you. Did you not see them at his house before you moved to the new apartment together? You mentioned he didn’t ask you to get rid of anything. He may think some of your things are hideous.

You do have some choices. You can give them better care so they are healthier and more attractive. You could do that yourself or hire a service.

If they are really in the way and not just something that is not your taste, perhaps you could convince him to donate them to a nursing home in memory of his mother. There may be residenst who would take great joy in living plants.

Post # 6
Member
5862 posts
Bee Keeper

Sorry, I think you’re the one being unfair. It’s his home too & these are special to him. 9 plants isn’t excessive, even large ones. Plants his mom cared for & cultivated. If he started making demands of things of yours that needed to go, things that you explained were special to you, you’d be posting in here saying how insensitive and controlling he is. Why is your desire to have the apartment the way you like it stronger than your desire to make your fiance happy on something that is truly not a big deal. If there are spiders and stuff on the plants, have him clean the plants off outdoors & then bring them indoors. Honestly, this shouldn’t even be an issue for you. 

Post # 7
Member
5954 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

marriedtopizza:  Honestly I would learn to live with them for now. You’ve both been through a big change (the move) and he does have an attachment to them because of his mother. Let it go for now. And I like the PP’s ideas, help make them fit in more with nice pots etc.

Post # 8
Member
11520 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

marriedtopizza:  I think  you have to let him keep the plants.  At least for now.  Perhaps you can clean them up, they shouldn’t be buggy, and if they’re cared for properly there shouldn’t be too many dead leaves.

Give it time, they’ll find a place in your new home that’s not in the way. 

Post # 9
Member
3802 posts
Honey bee

I was about to get my popcorn ready when I read this as “Fiance is overly attracted to house plants”. But anyway…do you think if you maybe found good homes for some of the plants with other family or friends, that he may be more comfortable giving up some of them? I think telling him you want to get “rid” of them will end poorly. Surely there are other family members who would appreciate the sentiment no?

Post # 10
Member
470 posts
Helper bee

Could he take a few to work? Maybe his office could use some decorating. Otherwise, I think you just need to accept them. 

Post # 11
Member
9130 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

Yeah, as a similar “plant lady”, I’d be pissed if my husband told me I had to get rid of any of my house plants – ESPECIALLY if they were a living remnant of my deceased parent.  It sounds dumb if you don’t really relate, but you can get attached to plants just like you would a pet or something.  They’re living things that you nuture and love, you know?

However, it sounds like he could do some better maintenance if there are problems with bugs and dead leaves.  Look into homeopathic sprays (a little dishsoap mixed with water, etc) to address the bugs, and just trim them to get rid of the dead and dying leaves.  That’s better for the plant anyway.

As for them being in the way, look into some hanging planters so you’d have them still in front of the windows but more out of the way.

Post # 13
Member
3292 posts
Sugar bee

marriedtopizza:  I am like your hubs. If the plants stay alive it is like a part of them is alive. 

Post # 14
Member
1688 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I don’t have a reason like his to love my house plants, and I would be so upset if any of them died or if someone made me give them away. I cried when my cactus got sunburnt and now that it’s survived and is still growing I tell it that I am proud of it almost once a week. People are weird. I say suck it up and let him keep them.

Post # 15
Member
451 posts
Helper bee

Just be glad they aren’t puppies! 

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