(Closed) Fiance is stressing me out.

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
20 posts
  • Wedding: July 2000

I don’t know much about psychology or whatever, but usually these types of statements work:

When you_____________ it makes me feel____________.

Cheesy, right? But it takes the statement away from being an accusation, and puts everything in the context of your feelings, which no one can actually argue with.  Your feelings are your feelings, not a topic to be debated.  If you can’t live with that format, just try to stick with “I” statments. “I need your help with_________. I feel_________.” etc.

Because you’ve “given up” fighting, you’re totally burned out and your joy has gone out of the whole wedding.  While you feel too tired to care right now, it’s still worth it for you to try to work through this stuff, so you don’t feel resentful later.

I’d also suggest picking your battles.  Maybe if you have the engagement party at his place, sure, it’ll be crowded, but crowded parties are always a ton of fun.  If you book a party room somewhere, and the same number of people show up, it could feel empty and that’s no good. Plus, you’ll save $ on the rental of a space, AND it’ll feel homier, which is always nice.

Perhaps you can add some songs of your choice to his playlist and reach a compromise there.

As for the suits for the wedding, that sounds like he doesn’t want to impose on his friends to pay for them.  Sorry, but this one I would probably fight for.  Most men have black suits.  If they don’t, suggest renting or borrowing from a friend. Remind him that his friends are there for him, and they’ll step up to the plate (never hurts to use a sports analogy, right?).

Good luck and hang in there.

Post # 4
2201 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I just watched an episode of Rich Bride, Poor Bride that sounds exactly like this! I feel for you – maybe ask him to sit down and the two of you make a list about the most important items for each of you. Then you take ownership of the items that you’re most passionate about? That way you have at least a couple things that are how you want them to be?

Or threaten a city hall wedding with no reception Wink

Post # 5
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Here’s the thing – I agree with you about all of the wedding issues you mentioned, but none of those matter compared to the one you _really_ need to have a serious conversation about – the last five paragraphs.  How this is making you _dread_ your _own_ _wedding_.  That is so wrong.  It’s his fatalistic attitude and unwillingness to hear you out that needs to be addressed.  You should not be tiptoing around him because he’s sensitive.  This might need to turn into a big thing so you can deal with it now because even if he’s not like this normally, who knows when it could crop up again?  Tell him how you feel when he does x, use I statements, don’t say ‘you’re making me feel’ ie own your feelings, and emphasize that he’s not like this normally, you love how he is the rest of the time.  Maybe he’s having some anxiety about the wedding that’s making him be different.  You might hurt his feelings trying to fix this, but he’s hurting your feelings without fixing anything, which is worse.  Some tips from my own relationship:  my Fiance sometimes doesn’t get the difference btw things that annoy me and things that really upset me without seeing me upset.  Seeing how it makes me feel is the catalyst to change (screaming might not be the worst idea, if it’s really how you feel!).  And we give each other concrete suggestions for change, like ‘please let me finish my thoughts before responding to them’, or, ‘give me notice that we’re going to have a serious conversation so I can turn off the tv’ – it doesn’t necessarily fix the problem, but it changes our attitudes.  ((hugs)) Good luck, and remember to tell him why you love him even while you say ‘shape up!’ Hope this is a little bit helpful –

The topic ‘Fiance is stressing me out.’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors