Post # 1
I’m hoping someone can give me some advice. My fiance and I have been together for over six years now. Last Christmas, he asked me what my thoughts were on marriage and I told him I was ready and excited about the idea. Two months later, he proposes. He even sat my parents down beforehand and everything. We planned a lot, the venue, photographer, DJ, guest list, and set the date for next August. I’m in law school right now, and I said a long engagement would be better for planning and saving money. So anyway, we have about 9 months until our wedding now. Up until this point, he has really seemed excited and ready to take the lead and move forward together.
Then, out of nowhere, my fiance started acting weird. It was right around the time his brother was getting married, and he was so busy helping with that. He stopped looking at my the same way and eventually seemed to be ignoring me outright. I finally asked what was going on, and he said he didn’t feel any romantic feelings toward me anymore, and he wasn’t sure if he every really did. He apparentlly just kept taking big steps hoping it would “fill the gap he was feeling.” Mind you, he never told me this. He now says he wants to move out and clear his head. He found an apartment to sublease for a few months and will be leaving me in a week. He says he wants to go on dates during this time and try to rekindle the relationship, but I’m not sure what to believe anymore. I want to respect his need for space as he does battle with depression and anxiety and I think the world often feels like it’s closing in on him. But I’m also shocked and hurt. I’m supposed to pick up my dress next week and we were going on a vacation together in a month.
Maybe space is the right thing? I’m wondering if anyone else experienced something like this and what the outcome was. I really don’t want to lose him, I love him very much. But I don’t want to be dragged along either.
Thanks for listening to my rant.
Post # 2
When you love someone, set them free.
However I don’t believe he should be able to string you along with dates after leaving. You will still be emotionally invested while he is unavailable.
Let him go find himself. But don’t be a hollaback girl
Post # 3
Oh dear OP, l am sorry. ‘Space’ is code for leaving you, pretty much always. I don’t usually jump to the cheating conclusion but that is a possibility. More likely the brothers wedding prep made him realise that’s not what he wants, or at least – sorry- not with you.
ln your position l would strive for dignity , no begging, no crying in front of him, no constant asking for clarification, no asking for compromise. Tell him he can go, can take all the ‘space’ and time he wants and that by doing so he takes his chances on whether you will be around should he change his mind. Then ask if he wants help moving.
Oh and a hard no to ‘dates’ , double for dates involving sex.
Post # 4
I’m so sorry. You’re right to be wary, it’s never a good sign when one partner needs “space”. It’s most frequently used as an excuse to leave and pursue someone else, which is what I think has happened here.
I would cancel everything you can regarding the wedding, this relationship is not going to go any further. Again, I’m so, so sorry.
Eta: It’s very tempting to ascribe behavior like this to mood disorders, but I don’t think that’s the case here. I believe something or someone has made him question your relationship and my bet is on someone. You felt him drawing away and you knew something was going on. I’ve seen this before, in many variations. If it’s any comfort at all, this has happened to many women, you’re far from alone.
Post # 5
eorrick : Wow bee, I am so sorry you’re going through this. Totally sucks, but honestly, it’s probably better you know now. I know you’re engaged and planning your wedding, but still.
I would say absolutely not to try and rekindle the relationship by going on dates. Sounds to me like he wants to keep you around until he finds something “better” or more suitable, so in the mean time wants to keep you on the back burner. Absolutely not.
Hold your head up and end everything. Him wanting “space” from someone he was going to marry in 9 months is pretty shitty and clearly there is something missing. Best of luck, bee!
Post # 7
eorrick : How is he going to clear his head if you two still go on dates? He isn’t sure if he had any romantic feelings for you??? After 6 years?? Wth. You know if you have romantic feelings for someone after the first month of dating for crying out loud. Bee you have to do what is best for you but this man isn’t ready for marriage at all. If he can’t figure this out after 6 years do you really think he will in 9 months? I am sorry he put you through this.
Post # 8
Also, read up on DARKSIDEOfTHEMOONs post. She got dumped before the wedding and found out it was for another woman
Post # 9
I’d bet money he’s met someone else.
I’m so sorry. Space??? Quit with that crap. Your time is worth more.
Post # 10
Yeah… nope. This guy is full of shit.
Don’t even try the going on dates thing, that’s so stupid. He can take you on dates while he fulfills everything he promised you and acts like he actually cares or he can go on dates by himself because that’s complete crap. Honestly, it does not feel like it now but you probably bit a bullet because he’s probably either seeing someone else or is actually a wishy washy person. You don’t need a man who can’t properly commit to you, huge waste of time. I guarantee you there is a guy out there who would be over the moon to marry you and will actually keep his promises, in your future. I’m sorry this happened, he sucks.
Post # 10
You deserve a man who loves you and can’t wait to marry you.
Don’t waste your time on dates (it will only torture you and prolong the inevitable).
Go no contact and being the grieving process now. The sooner you do, the sooner you can move on to better things.
Post # 11
Guys are like monkeys, they don’t let go of one branch until they have a firm grip on the next.
No, he doesn’t get to continue sleeping with you until things between him and whoever he is attempting to pursue get serious enough for him to completely cut ties with you. Tell him it’s a boundary you’d rather not cross, help him pack, and think about all the cute guys who can take you out now!
Post # 12
p.s. I know it is hard to see any bright side, but at least you did not marry this pathetic, wishy-washy, guy with no balls.
Post # 13
Take your power back. I would tell him that indecicive guys are such a turnoff, and you are glad to rid of him, you want a real man who knows what he wants.. I would tell him there will be no dates with him, but maybe with other guys. You will NOT be waiting, while he ”has his space”. He’s wasted your time for a long time, dude be gone! Even if you don’t buy into this, it feels more empowering.
Post # 14
I have a high suspicion he met someone while helping his brother with the wedding. You could always invest in a PI or save your money and consider this a missed bullet.