Post # 1
Let me be the first to say, my fiance is a hard working person. He is a people-pleaser, and bends over backwards for everyone. However, this is really frustrating me, and I don’t know how to express it to him without sounding like i’m saying “You’re not looking for a job the right way! WHY ARE YOU SO LAZY?!”
So, Fiance works a part time job 3.5 days a week. We just graduated from college, and live in a pretty rural area, so yes very local jobs are very limited. However, Fiance has always had big dreams. He wanted to go to law school, and decided that the debt wasn’t worth it (I kind of agree, but would support him 100% if he entered the field), he also talked about going into investigation/law enforcement, he has even talked about going back to school.
He sent his resume to the local sheriff’s dept hoping to be hired (he knows someone who knows someone) and they said while he is a viable candidate and has a top-notch resume that their hands are tied until November when the pension issue in the county is resolved. Great, they didn’t turn him down! But… Now he plans to wait until November to hear from them…. as in he is planning to stay at the job he hates for months more waiting to hear from a job that still may say no. He said he knew someone else who may have another job, but that he doubted he was qualified for it….. so yeah.
I am NOT trying to make him change jobs. He has complained for well over a year about his current job, how they treat him, how he wants to marry me and move in together so badly (we cannot afford it at all right now), and how the only thing stopping him is having a full time job. What do I say? “Well, if you’re gonna wait I don’t wanna hear anymore complaining about your job.” or “If you’re so miserable isn’t it worth it just to find a way out?” are the only things that come to mind, but they sound so harsh. I just want him to be happy again!
Post # 3
First off,just like you said, he doesn’t sound lazy. Why don’t you just ask him something like, “Hey, have you thought about applying for a back up job? I know you’ll probably get the sheriff’s office job, I just worry.”
Then you could explain that maybe if you get the backup job first, you could just switch now, with plenty of time to politly quit in November. Honestly, it’s all about tone in this case. If you mention things like how hard working he is, he’s not going to assume you are nitpicking him.
Post # 4
Could part of it be that this job he’s working now is pretty much his first job? I almost wonder if it’s that he doesn’t know how to search.
Post # 5
I agree with SToppy321. Its about tone and being supportive. I understand your frustration. I went through a similar time period with my SO. He got offered a a fantastic position with a great starting salary, but the same caveat …”our hands our tied until _____”. Unfortunately the until dragged for an entire year and a half. The offer was so great and they would touch base with my SO about every 2 months promising “soon” that he waited. He found a few part-time jobs that he enjoyed, but I could tell he was not happy, and he wasn’t actively looking for other jobs because he “had” one just no starting date. We had many strained conversations and a few arguments about this, especially since I firmly believe in being pro-active in situations like this. Its very hard watching someone you love be unhappy but in the end, its a personal decision and he is the one that has to decide what steps he wants to take .
I think its important that it does not come off as nagging becuase he might eventually recent it. It helped my SO and I to brainstorm backup plans for “what if” he never got the job. Talk about what kind of job he envisions himself having, if he just graduated he might not be 100% sure of what he wants or how to go about getting it. This way you are working together, and maybe brainstorming will inspire him to do some active job searching.
By The Way my SO did get offered the job he was waiting for at the 2 year mark, but by that point he had already accepted another good position with another company.
Sorry this is so long.
Post # 6
That’s a tought situation. It’s our natural desire to fix problems when our SO’s present them to us, but I think in this case he just wants someone to listen. I can understand feeling frustrated but he may feel unsupported if you push too hard. Looking for a job is so stressful…I would just try to be as supportive as possible of his search without taking over (like suggesting jobs) too much.