Fiance left after putting wedding on hold.

posted 1 year ago in Emotional
Post # 16
2917 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

This is very bizarre… can you give some more info??

Post # 17
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

I know a lot fo Bee’s can be a little harsh on here sometimes.

I do agree that you really should have taken more time to discuss your concerns with your fiance before effectively calling off the wedding. In the past, my fiance and I had some serious communication issues as well. I only accepted his proposal as in the last few years of our relationship, we have become much more open and honest with eachother. We always communicate to each other our feelings and concerns first, before we connect with anyone else. I have found that since we are open and honest about everythign and do not keep anything from each other, our relationship is the strongest I have ever been.

he may be takign soem time to re-evaluate your relatioship. I would give him a little time and then try to connect. Don’t be forceful and let him to come to. If you must, express that you were not trying to go behind his back and not take his feelings into account.

I hope you can work it out.

Post # 18
6790 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

This is the guy that could never keep a job and got fired because of some incident with coffee and a boxcutter right? I say good riddance.

Post # 19
2669 posts
Sugar bee

Based on your previous threads, neither one of you is mature enough for marriage right now. Count this as a blessing and move on.

Post # 20
68 posts
Worker bee

Okay, I read your old post and am confused. Did he spit in someone’s coffee and they pulled out a box cutter, or was the opposite way?

Now to this post: He has opened his own business doing caricatures? Does he do this at festivals or amusement parks or online or is there a brick and mortar store somewhere? Does he have a backup job? I am sorry if this sounds harsh bee, but I don’t think that will generate enough income to ever get married.

So you talked to his family about putting a hold on the wedding. Did they, then, take the blame and said it was called off?

Post # 21
377 posts
Helper bee

Did you contact them because they were paying? 

Calling off a wedding isn’t easy and while you could have done a much better job of it, it sounds like it needed to be done. 

His reaction is understandable, but I hope you get some closure and are on your way to healing.  

Post # 22
1596 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I’m gonna agree with the pp’s bee and say this relationship is a mess bee.  He’s too immature to be a stable partner (his inablilty to curb bad behavior at the workplace is a red flag!)

You’re too immature to simply have an adult conversation and instead of simply telling Fiance to put a hold on the wedding (for a legit reason), you go behind his back to the parents???  None of that was their business bee!  He’s understandably upset.  You handled this quite badly.

You need to learn how to communicate better.  Give him space to cool off and if he doesn’t come back, chalk this up to a lesson learned….hopefully.

Post # 23
6517 posts
Bee Keeper

pirateninners02 :  So I contacted his parents and gold them my wishes to hold the wedding. He however came to the realization that i called off the wedding and did not want to talk about it.

What is there to talk about at that point? You made a unilateral decision and informed his parents–not him–that the wedding was off. Two people planning a life together make decisions together. No marriage can survive without solid communication. 

Post # 24
2491 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Why did you tell his parents instead of him? Were you marrying his parents?

Post # 25
617 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018 - City, State

You disrespected his autonomy as an adult in a fundamental way. You gave his family control of a relationship and resultant events that should’ve just been about the two of you. What you did was a massive betrayal, bee, and until you take responsibility for that I don’t see him ever wanting to speak to you again.

If you want to change, sorting out with a therapist about what made this seem like a good decision is probably the best place to start.

If you don’t want to change, this was not the right marriage for you to begin with and you should move on.

Post # 26
9731 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

If I had a nickle for everytime this has happened to me. 

Post # 27
3700 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

Sorry OP. Your fiance didn’t leave because the wedding was put on hold. Your faince left because you didnt have the decency to discuss your financial concerns with him and instead went to his parents to complain that he wont have enough money saved up so you decided by yourself, without even discussing it with him, that the wedding should be put on hold. I would have left and stopped talking to my SO too if he did that to me. SO and I are partners, we make decisions together. Being left out of the decision to put our wedding on hold means that our partnership is over.  

Post # 28
8809 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

soulmateof13years :  “You did a good job emasculating him” — If a dude did this to his lady fiancee, would that be ok, or would he be guilty of efeminizing her? What does this have to do with his weiner?

Post # 29
8266 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Daisy_Mae : 

It comes of equating masculinity with power , worse, making  it synonymous with power and strength . Like when you hear someone  say that someone else  should grow  some balls , ie not be a coward  . I’ve even seen it  it said of women, here on WB too.   

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