(Closed) Fiancé left me for his family … Please help me cope!

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 62
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Hey, Sweetie. I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through this. It’s strange because even though I haven’t been through exactly the same situation, I feel like I know how this feels. To set aside your personal feelings, bend over backwards to be kind and accommodating, and to make real sacrifices — only to be vilified. To be strung along with promises continually unfulfilled while you act in good faith. And then the one person who you most rely on to stand up for you, or at least support you is the most is the one who most truly lets you down. Now that I think about it, even though my situation was a little different, I went through a lot of this in a previous relationship. It’s hard because in addition to recovering from the breakup itself, you’re also struggling with the hurts his family members have caused. You feel angry, humiliated, you wonder what you’ve done to cause this, are they somehow right about you?

 

Listen, you haven’t caused any of this. He and his family have emotional issues that have nothing to do with you. Emotional issues that I hope you can relieved won’t have to plague you for the rest of your life and perhaps even be passed on to your children. I know without even reading the comments that many other bees have said this, but even though it hurts, your fiance did you a favor by moving on. It happened in an unnecessarily ugly ugly way, but even that’s for the best. At least this way, having seen his true colors in the way he handled this situation, you won’t look back with rose colored glasses thinking about how “perfect” he was. He made it absolutely clear that he’s not ready to be your husband, or anyone’s husband, however good aspects of your relationship may have been. Denial, pretending, and empty promises are no foundation for a marriage. He lacks the maturity and character to be honest with you or with himself. He allowed himself and you to be manipulated, and your kindness and trust to be taken advantage of. You deserve a man who will stand by you and stand up for you no matter what because he believes in you and in the bond that you share. You deserve someone mature enough to fully focus on the family he is creating rather than pleasing his parents.

 

Listen, you are a loving sweet person who was much more patient and tolerant of his family’s antics than I ever would have been. You deserve to be embraced for all the good things you have to offer and the love and respect in your heart, not bad-mouthed constantly. You deserve someone who is mature and honest, and strong enough to stick by his own decisions. I feel confident that you will find that person, and you will be better able to recognize it, appreciate it, and accept it because of what you’re going through now. I’m going to be honest with you, it was incredibly painful and took a long time for me to fully recover from the similar experiences I went through. BUT! I am now happier than I have ever been with my beloved fiance. And so grateful that I didn’t settle for less than the complete loyalty and devotion he shows me every day. God bless.

Post # 65
Member
1263 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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@themis513:  Wow, my blood just boiled for you while read this. I am so angry! What a nasty little coward! You ex is quite the little bitch, as is his mother. 

There is always justice. This man will most likely be alone forever. No woman will ever be welcomed into that family, unless it is a bitchy harpy like his mother, and hse will ake him miserable. If you ever talking to him again, I would just start out on the offense “You are a terrible human being. No matter what you tell yourself, whatever way you try to justify your actions, your and your family are awful people. You are a cruel, cowardly, lying piece of trash.” Etc.

But thank heavens for you that you didn’t marry this little boy.  Your life truly would have been ruined from that! I am so sorry about all the debt. If it were me, I would get him and his wretched family into civil court and make them pay for it. Or maybe call him and tell him they need to pay their share, or you will sue them – perhaps just threatening it will be enough? 

Either way, while the money is a terrible loss, it pales in comparison to the gain of your freedom from these people!

Post # 66
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2014

God isn’t cruel at all. He just saved you from what would have been a horrible relationship. His family makes me shudder. Brrr. 

 

Cyberhugs!

Post # 67
Member
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@themis513:  I’m truly sorry you’re going through this; I feel for you. I can’t imagine how hurt you are. You’ll get through this, you’ll see, just hang in there. We are all here for you; try to find relatives/friends who can help you cope. I do think you dodged a bullet, a BIG one. Your ex-FI wasn’t ready to cut the apron strings and wasn’t even trying; better having a breakup now than divorcing. You deserve to be your SO’s #1 and you will find someone who loves you above everyone & everything else. *HUGS*

Post # 68
Member
2796 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

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zainv123 :  this thread is four years old…

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