(Closed) Fiancé lied about his stag

posted 3 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
3131 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Nope. Not overreacting. He’s 100% lying and his story is BS. ONE guy stayed by himself in a separate hotel that was $400/night?  Yeah, okay. Also, he has lied about going out before and the guys in his circle routinely lie to their partners about going to strip clubs. I’m sorry Bee. This all sounds very sketch. 

Post # 3
Member
855 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
poohbear26 : 

Not only are your feelings valid, but I would personally take it one step further and evaluate whether or not I genuinely wanted to marry someone who would repeatedly lie to me. To be honest, I would not. 

Post # 4
Member
2663 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Personally I’d be too worried that he got it on with the private stripper in the swanky hotel room to even consider marrying him at this point. I would never be able to trust him and would always be wondering what happened. The fact that he got defensive is a huge red flag that there was something for him to hide.

Post # 5
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

The lying part is terrible, especially if you two have been open about going to strip clubs.  Sorry you are going through this.  The thing that grosses me out the most is the private strippers.  Shady shit happens with that that often isn’t allowed at strip clubs…  And if his friend stayed in the room, why did your fiance pay for it?  

Post # 6
Member
766 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

You are not overreacting. You know why good men lie to their SOs about where they’ve been and what they were doing? They don’t.

You have repeatedly told him this was an issue for you – being truthful about his nights out, that is. And he repeatedly has ignored you. You are right, he does not respect you. Put the brakes on the wedding. If you can work past it, great. But frankly, this would be the final straw for me with a history of his lying and I would be on to bigger, better things.

Post # 7
Member
855 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
anev :   This.

I’ve never once known a “private stripper” story to go well. Especially if “boys code” is involved. 

Post # 8
Member
466 posts
Helper bee

In my personal opinion, you need to get out now.

Now I personally don’t like strip clubs and would never want my SO to go to one for his bachelor party but a private strip party where they bring the girls to you AND a $400 hotel room?

GTFO of my face with that shit.

Even your counselor knows that’s bullshit, I’m sure. 

I feel like you already know what happened but I’m gonna break that down for you right now.

If they bought strippers that come to you, and they didn’t come to your house and the other guys women don’t even like strip clubs so they didn’t go there, where’d they go? That $400 hotel room is where. Cause ain’t no man gonna spend $400 on a hotel room for his friend. ONE friend. Because of a room mix-up.

Not only is the act of doing those things itself disrespectful on so many levels but he flat out lied to your face AND did it in counseling. (Which shows he’s not taking your pre-marriage counseling seriously at all.)

The way I see it you have two choices: 

1. You can believe this pack of lies and get married anyway, but I’m around 99.9% positive that if you do marry this man that this strip club thing will either get worse or it will turn into him browsing Tinder or hookup sites in the future; and not even the distant future at that.

2. You can get out now and find someone who actually respects you. 

I know what I would do but I also know that, no matter our history, if this happened with my SO I would have to leave. I would never be able to trust him again. 

Good luck, 🐝. 

EDIT: I read this to my SO to see what he thought and he straight out said:

“Wow…I understand guys lie about shit but that took shit too far. I don’t even know what to say. How the hell you gonna justify buying you and your homeboy’s some more strippers? And who spends $400 on that shit a night? That’s some fifty shades of grey type shit.” 

I also want to add his guy-stance on going to the strip club with your man. (Even though I know you didn’t ask for it.) 

“Why would you put yourself in a homeboy’s position? That’s something guys do together. You’re not saying ‘I’m gonna be the coolest wife ever!’ you’re telling him ‘Treat me how you want to, I’m down.’ And I understand letting guys go out with their boys but making it okay for him to go to a strip club with his boys without you after you’ve seen him at the strip club? He ain’t the same at a strip club with you as he is without you.'”

And there’s a little bit of guy-insight for you.

Post # 9
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Yikes, bee! You’re not overreacting at all. In fact, it seems he’s pulling the old gaslighting to make it seem like you’re the insecure one who’s letting her mind run wild.

Sorry, but no. Why does a friend need to stay at a $400 p/night hotel booked with an exotic stag company? He couldn’t even be bothered to cover his tracks.

Post # 9
Member
6340 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

So you’ve been getting counseling together because he lies to you…and now he’s lying to you again. It’s time to call a spade a spade. This guy is a liar. Do you want to marry a liar? 

Post # 10
Member
2949 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

He has lied to you more than once. You’ve forgiven him and asked him not to lie to you anymore. Then he goes and lies again. I’d be livid and no, you are definitely not overreacting. 

Going to a strip club is one thing. I personally don’t approve, but if my fiance was honest about I would let it slide if he went off an evening (in fact, I picked him up from one after a friend’s bachelor party before). But a private stripper at a swanky hotel? That’s a whole different story. For me it’s not even about what else may or may not have happened. It’s about crossing a line by having a naked woman alone in a hotel. That’s cheating as far as I’m concerned. 

For me, it all comes down to trust in his judgment. I was ok with him going to the strippers for a bachelor party because I knew he wasn’t really into it anyways. I would be turned off by a guy who wanted to go often. But if it’s something you are ok with that’s fine. I just would really question the values of a guy who not only goes repeatedly but lies to you about it.

Post # 11
Member
4311 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

This guy sounds like an immature ass who cares more about his buddies than your feelings. So let him be with his buddies.

Personally, i would never be with a guy who found it acceptable for his friends (and him) to continuously lie to their partners. It speaks to immaturity and a lack of accountability, and even if he’s not always lying to you about going to strip clubs, he sees nothing wrong with it.

Post # 12
Member
976 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I’m one of those people who would be okay with Fiance going to a strip club for a stag night. But a $400 hotel room with strippers? Hell no. I’d be seriously questioning marrying this man. 

Post # 13
Member
365 posts
Helper bee

seriously, wtf?! shady AF!! I would seriously think about whether or not I wanted to spend my life with him if I were you

Post # 14
Member
13552 posts
Honey Beekeeper

View original reply
poohbear26 :  You’re underreacting. In your place the wedding would be off. 

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