- 2 months ago
- Wedding: November 2016
So heads up that I haven’t read all six pages. I am pro-sex work (which is very different than human trafficking) – my best friend is a sex worker (fairly high-end, part of an independent sex workers co-op, yup that’s a thing). A LOT of men hire sex workers and don’t admit it. It’s amazing how frequently men learn that my friend is a sex worker, and all of a sudden tell me about the one trip they took to a massage palour in New Orleans, or that one time they went to a brothel during a lads night in Vegas. I would have zero problem dating a man who had previously hired women for sex – I don’t think there is anything wrong with it as long as you are clear the women are in control of their own work.
HOWEVER – I have a major issue with people who lie and/or are ashamed about themselves. I call complete BS on the fact that he didn’t realise sex workers in SE Asia were trafficked COME ON. The standard narrative about prostitution is that women are forced into it – there is no way he grew up in SE Asia thinking that women went into sex work as a legitimate career choice.
Also, it is very important to me that my partner shares my values. For ME that means being okay with sex work because my best friend is a sex worker. For you that may mean not engaging in casual sex. That doesn’t mean you are judgemental about people who have casual sex, it just means you want a partner who doesn’t view sex casually – and that’s completely okay. The fact that he pretended to share your values, and he really doesn’t, feels gross.
If he actually does regret the whole thing and does view sex as something to be shared only with serious partners that means that he apparently has no control over his dick (not a great quality).
I dunno Bee, I’m not saying run, but it sounds like he has some SERIOUS issues to sort out, and it is completely okay if you decide you don’t think you can get past this.