(Closed) Fiance looking at porn. Need some advice!

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 213
Member
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@KrayKray:  I am no one to say it! But God is, and I speak His truth; “But I tell you the truth, that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Matthew 5:28

God bless

Post # 215
Member
322 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@trustingbride:  Then there sure are a lot of adulterous men out there. Like, all of them. Men look at actresses in movies lustfully. You know? I mean, come on.

Post # 216
Member
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@jennyinstereo:  You’re absolutely right! And that is because every human is a sinner. “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” -Romans 3:23

 

But there is hope!

 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9 not by works, so that no one can boast. Ephesians 2:8-9

God bless!

 

Post # 217
Member
28 posts
Newbee

I had the exact same issue with my Fiance months ago when he told me he didnt watch it and I found it 2x after he promised it wouldn’t be an issue. I was justttt as hurt as you were especially because I don’t like that he needs other women to get off. Maybe try making a tape together. Thia way when he wants his masterbation he can look at yiu doing dirty things not someone else.itll make him feel like you wang him to be satisfied.  If it takes anotjer women to make him get off then you ahould see a therapist.  Its onlt fair you feel comfortable too

Post # 218
Member
28 posts
Newbee

I had the exact same issue with my Fiance months ago when he told me he didnt watch it and I found it 2x after he promised it wouldn’t be an issue. I was justttt as hurt as you were especially because I don’t like that he needs other women to get off. Maybe try making a tape together. Thia way when he wants his masterbation he can look at yiu doing dirty things not someone else.itll make him feel like you wang him to be satisfied.  If it takes anotjer women to make him get off then you ahould see a therapist.  Its onlt fair you feel comfortable too

Post # 218
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: December 1969

It’s amazing to me how many people got on here and started questioning why she dowsnt want pirn in her relationship . 

They seem to think that because they are happy for It that she had to explain her position 

SHE DOES NOT

Any person is entitled to want a relationship free of porn where sexual energy is directled into the relationship . This is totally valid and it’s gets tiring when pro porners think there is some problem or we all must be ok with porn 

to those women who say they would rather he watch porn than cheat . Wow! Just wow !!! Are you saying that men are such animals they must either jerk off to a myriad of naked women ir they must cheat!

why can he just ve a decent person and 

not use porn and direct his sexual energy to his partner 

AND 

not cheat 

im not talking about relationships where Bith partners want porn in it . I’m talking about where one partner does not want it !!! They are totally entitled to take that position. whether their reasons are political , personal or spititual 

 

personally I don’t want to be involved with anyone who uses and supports an industry where 88 percent of the films show womrn being degraded in some way such as sworn at spat on or slapped !!! Hey! But that’s just me .

that research had recently been released by professor Gail Dines for anyone who may be interested

however my main point is the hypocrisy of people who want their position of thinking porn is ok to be accepted , yet question others who do not accept it 

Post # 219
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Twizbe:  it’s really none of your business why she doesn’t like porN

just as its nobodies business why you think it’s ok

 

she wasn’t asking whether it’s something she wants in her relationship ahe knows that answer

some women are not comfortable being with a man who exploits women and directs his sexual energy into porn . I find it very sad that you even think you have the right to question her position on this . That is not what she asked 

Post # 220
Member
249 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

itsthetruth:  This is three years old!

Post # 221
Member
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I am sorry you are going through this. I am sorry he lied to you as well. I would bring that up for sure.

I wish I had the guts to talk to my Fiance like you do, he watches porn everyday, talks about how hot the women in it are and then compares me to everything he sees walking up the street.

Post # 222
Member
278 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Haddonfield, NJ

mightyduck17:  I wasn’t going to reply since this thread is 3 years old, and I don’t think any of the original posters are around any more, but I felt the need to respond to what you wrote. That’s not okay. What he’s doing is not okay, it’s abusive. You deserve better. This isn’t about the courage to talk to him, it’s about what he’s doing is incredibly and completely not okay, and you should know that. It’s manipulative and mean spirited.

Post # 223
Member
2450 posts
Buzzing bee

You are thinking of breaking up with him and calling off a wedding because he looks at porn? That seems extreme to me but I also don’t care. In fact, I watch porn with my fiance mostly for the entertainment factor because it is horrible. But regardless, maybe you need to do that? Watch some and then you will realize that he isn t remotely into those fake bimbos who exclaim, “oh is that package for me mr. Delivery man?!”

if it makes you feel uncomfortable then you need to figure out if this issue is really worth calling off a wedding. It seems like he won’t stop doing it, so you do need to think of if you can handle a lifetime of porn. 

Do you ask him why he does it? I’m not saying anything is justified because he said that he would stop, but I know my fi does somethings, not necessarily watch porn, to destress. Maybe this is just a type of distress or a quick romp with himself without all the foreplay involved to get you going too (not that I know how your sex life works), but I know sometimes I don’t want to deal with everything that involves getting him going, I just want a quick solo session with myself. I think as long as it is not getting in the way of your sex life, which it sounds like it isnt, and he isn’t obsessed then their might not be a problem. But ultimately you ha e to be comfortable in your relationship

 

Quick edit as i was reading some of your updates: 

Is the weird porn something you would consider acting out with him? (I don’t know what exactly is considered weird porn, but I feel like you would probably be suprised at how common it probably is) if not then is it fair to take a fantasy away from him like that? And another thing, you are not comfortable with it, that’s fine, but is it really fair to ban him from it? I mean to tell him what he can and can’t do, what if he told you he doesn’t want you to do something. The issue is the lying but you are also telling him he cant do something he has done since he was 15…  I really hope you two can figure it out but their really needs to be some give and compromise. I hope consoling works for you. Good luck.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 4 months ago by  ahartig.

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