(Closed) Fiance lying while on business trips…red flag?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
384 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think you have every right to feel the way you feel. I also think that no matter where he is, you should always come 1st. Just because he is out of town,doesnt mean he gets to drop the resposibility of the realtionship or his title of your Fiance, meaning Calling to check in, tell you the truth. I beleive he is using the business trip as an excuse to just be lazy or be carefree. When you are in a comitted realtionship, you don’t get breaks,time outs,and you certainly don’t get  mad when your partner is calling to check in. That to me is a red flag. It makes no sense why he would get so angry,esp if he is lieing about where he is. You should be able to communicate your feelings about this without getting your head ripped off with his defensive words. I’m sorry this is happening, and I hope this situation gets worked out. Communication is key before entering marriage,and also lieing just can’t happen when you get married. Which i’m sure you know. (HUGS) I hope things get better for you!!!!

Post # 4
Member
70 posts
Worker bee

@Blackandpinkbee:  

First of all, I think that you are smart to see this behavior as a red flag.  Not being responsible,  blowing up when asked about his behavior, lying….those are HUGE red flags to me.  Best of luck to you.

Post # 5
Member
2616 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

as someone who has dealt with cheaters in the past.. him being upset at you for bringing it up is a HUGE RED FLAG. also all the lies.. why he need to lie about where he is??  i would seriously not move forward in wedding planning/marriage until he is very transparent and truthful.

Post # 6
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

You sound co-dependent.  I’d lie too if you were going to berate me every time you weren’t the only thing on my mind.

Post # 7
Member
3429 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Blackandpinkbee:  Does he travel to the same area each time? 

Post # 8
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Trust your gut. If something doesn’t feel right, it’s probably not.  You seem like a generally laid back girl from your post that wouldn’t care if he was at a bar or strip club but at least told you that was where he was.  Therefore, if you wouldn’t be upset knowing the truth then he should have no reason not to tell you.  It’;s more understandably when men lie because they know their SO will get mad even though they aren’t doing anythign wrong.

More telling is his response to it all. The fact he gets angry and over time has made you feel ashamed and uncomfortable about it is not a good sign in my opinion. I’ve been in relationships with those guys before and they’re usually up to know good when it comes down to it.

Good luck!

Post # 9
Member
1581 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

For me, it would be a red flag especially because he is getting defense that you bring it up

Post # 13
Member
3429 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Blackandpinkbee:  ok, if he gets defensive I would consider it a red flag.  Where is he if he says he’s at a bar that closed hours ago? Fishy…but I’m not sure how you can figure any of this  out? 

Post # 14
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’m going to go against the grain and say that maybe he just doesn’t feel the need to update you every time he moves.  It sounds like you’re just sitting at home waiting for him and checking up on him.  He may just be tired of the constant checking in.  

Post # 16
Member
739 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Blackandpinkbee:  

@MrsWBS:  +1, if you feel uncomfortable with this whole situation, chances are that somethings not right. Being faithful isn’t necessarily my concern, it’s your ability to communicate properly as a couple. If he isn’t satisfying you with regards to your needs (and I don’t think that you’re being unreasonable by asking where he is or having him call before bed) then something is wrong. Try taking a completely different approach when discussing this with him. Tell him you’re upset about the situation and that together as a couple you need to find a solution. If he’s not willing to do that, then this is a bigger problem than you thought. If you’re to spend the rest of your lives together, you’re going to come across situations where you need to work your way through sticky situations! 

Good luck, girl. Hopefully all you need to solve this is to have a serious convo with your Fiance. 

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