(Closed) Fiancé may have tried to cheat/things online in the past

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
10561 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Dude, just leave him. He’s a loser. And do some work on your self esteem before you date again.

Post # 19
Member
10561 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Your self esteem is not fine if your SO is cheating on you and you’re worried about bringing it up because he might get mad at you. Do you hear how ridiculous that sounds? If your self esteem was really fine you wouldn’t be accepting being treated like a door mat and making excuses for your scumbag boyfriend. You know right from wrong and this is wrong all day and night. Since you don’t have much experience let me give you the low down from someone who does, this is not going to stop. You can talk about it with him, he can tell you how sorry he is and how it will never happen again and then guess what? He’ll keep doing it. Do you know why? Because you’ve proven there are no consequences to his actions and you will accept this behavior. This will be your life forevermore with him.

If your self esteem is really fine then drop kick this dude to the curb before you catch something from him. As yes, you should go get an STD test ASAP since he’s hooking up with random people he finds online. I’m sorry to be harsh but this attitude you have about this right now will do nothing for you, you need to get outraged and do it quickly.

Post # 21
Member
10561 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
stripthatdown :  So, you think he will just stop and never do it again? I’m sorry but it doesn’t work that way and almost every woman in here will tell you that from experience.

Post # 22
Member
3098 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
stripthatdown :  ” I don’t believe he went through with anything. He could have tried but I don’t think he actually met anyone, he swore up and down he didn’t touch another girl.”

So THAT makes it OK?  That he “only” tried?  Nope, just nope. And the bullshit excuses he gave you, along with the excuses you are now making for him… omg. Please step back and look at this for what it is. I would absolutely leave.

Post # 23
Member
1377 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I never understand ignoring such obvious red flags so early in the relationship. It’s one thing in you’re married with kids and would have to go through divorce and splitting custody, but when you’re dating, you can walk away from warning signs with no consequences. Why not take it as divine intervention telling you to get out now?

Post # 24
Member
1242 posts
Bumble bee

This isn’t the first post I’ve seen about guys who “tried to” cheat. Guys trying to cheat…succeed in cheating. In this case he doesn’t even need decent looks or personality since he was contacting professionals.

I know a guy who has contacted escorts online. Spoiler: he was paying them for sex. 

Post # 25
Member
474 posts
Helper bee

It appears that when there are difficulties in the relationship – he feels insecure – he considers exploring other women (i.e., cheating). This is unhealthy and he admitted it himself that he felt insecure.  

Relationships get harder when you are married – if you have pre-existing issues, it will only amplify when you get married. YOu need to be realistic and rational and brutal to yourself. 

Personally, cheating is a BIG NO-NO. The guy might be good in all other aspects – but who cares if he’s not gonna be mine forever? If he considers/ explores the idea of cheating when he experiences difficulties at this stage – he will definitely cheat/have sex/even leave you/get someone else pregnant when you are married (and when the hormones are gone) and you encounter bigger issues. If I were you, I wouldn’t risk my sanity. There are better guys out there. Why risk your life with someone who could break your heart into pieces? 

And people DO NOT change. They never ever change… 

Post # 26
Member
322 posts
Helper bee

It’s exactly what your gut tells you. I had an ex that was WONDERFUL at the “immediately breaking down and crying for pitty” at the mere mention of anything he’d done. It’s a great cover, and then he gets to go back to doing whatever he wants. No thanks. Sweetie you need to get out.

Post # 27
Member
7735 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

Okay, so let’s say he DIDN’T go through with anything for now. How much better do you feel? Not entirely at ease? Yeah, didn’t think so. If he TRIED once, he will TRY again. And he won’t always bat a zero. Like you said, perhaps he just curious? Well, what happens when he gets a bite? Does he take them up on it? If you think he won’t, are you sure? In your replies, it doesn’t sound like you are sure at all.

I was in a 5 year relationship that I thought would work out. I really do know how you feel. But this is not right. You know that, and everyone who reads what you have written knows that. Leave him sooner rather than later.

Post # 28
Member
929 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I’m a firm believer in there is no amount of therapy or love in the world that can get a couple back to a healthy relationship after the trust has been broken. It isn’t about him not touching another girl. The intent was there. He started walking down that path and that is when the trust was broken. 

You are just trying to make yourself feel better and give yourself a reason not to leave by repeating that he didn’t go through with it. So WHEN he goes through with it, then will you leave? Question why you are considering even staying with him. I think you need to get out and get some therapy for yourself and if you stay, I would still get therapy. 

Post # 29
Member
3440 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

I will try to say this in the nicest way possible. You’re not in love, you’re in stupid. Thats not a judgment bc I’m sure many women have been there. There is no trust left in your relationship and therefore it will ultimately fail. You’ve convinced yourself he didn’t follow through with cheating, I think thats a complete crock of sh*t but fine, assuming you’re right please ask yourself why his obvious disrespectful attempt at cheating is an acceptable behavior bc it shouldn’t be. Ever. As far as his reaction please do not be swayed by tears or what looks like remorse. He wasn’t sorry he cheated he was sorry he got caught. You’re not married and have no children together, leave this douche alone and free yourself to find someone worthy of your time.

Post # 30
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
stripthatdown :  My ex-husband pulled this crap–adultfriendfinder mostly, but various other sites. He’d make a profile and abandon it, no posts or anything. The breaking point was when one of my friends found him somehow (he used the same username for everything…dumbass). That’s not why we ended up getting divorced, but we were only engaged when it started and I should not have put up with his shenanigans for as long as I did. 

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