Post # 1
Oh bees, I’m so irritated with my FH right now. Yesterday I wanted him to take a look at the invite wording to check for typos, make sure he’s okay with the copy, etc. Really, it would take about 5 minutes. His response “I don’t want to deal with this today.”
I just wanted to say, “hey, you could ‘not deal’ with this right now and totally p*ss me off, or you could take a look at the damn thing and go back to surfing the net in 5 minutes and still have a happy fiance.” Grr.
The “best” part is that I wanted a small wedding (75 people tops) to avoid dealing with a lot of this crap. He’s the one that wanted to invite 200 people, yet I’m stuck doing all the work. Every time I bring up something for the wedding (which I try to only do one item for him per weekend) I get the same response “I don’t want to deal with that right now.” Yes, honey – I understand you’re busy, but this wedding was your f*cking idea. (sorry, I’m still a little worked up).
Any advice for how to deal with this? At this point, I’m equally considering scrapping everything and giving it all to him to do (I’d really like to just go to the court house now, but all the vendors are booked and he really doesn’t want that) or just finishing it all myself and no longer asking for his input since he doesn’t seem to care anyway.
Post # 3
Assign him tasks. I’d say something like this:
Honey, here’s the wording for the invites. You need to check it, order invites from X website (provide the direct link) and make sure they’re here by X date.
If/when he grumbles, grumble back! Tell him you didn’t want the 200 people, so he’s going to deal with it in the next 24 hours, whenever he has time. Physically hand him invite wording/whatever and be “done” with it. I’d give him tasks you know he can handle, and overall just make the wedding more simple so you don’t have to deal with as much.
Post # 4
oh man, I’m sorry- this seems like it’d be SO frustrating! Just kick his butt into gear 😛
Post # 5
Thanks ladies! I felt much better after writing it out. And will definitely take your advice. Why should my life be so much more stressful because he wanted the big wedding?!? There’s plenty of stress to share, and that’s how I’m going to start approaching it!
Post # 6
I hear ya, I have no advice because I’m kinda in the same boat. He’ll be act like he’s soooo willing to do what I ask him to do, but then he never gets around to it. Its frustrating. I freaked out on him a couple times, that doesn’t work either so avoid it! It had the opposite effect. The one thing that did kinda light a fire, was when I went to him and said something like, “babe, I’m starting to get a little stressed with all of the things on my to-do list, it would mean a lot to me if you tried to help”. See, I wasn’t all emo and it worked… lets just see how long it lasts.
Post # 7
I agree with LaborOfLove – instead of insisting it be done RIGHT THEN, you’re likely to have more success if you assign a reasonable time frame instead. Only a total jerk would say that he couldn’t take 5 minutes to read something by the end of the day. But no one likes being interrupted, even if they ARE just zoning out and surfing the net. Best of luck!
Post # 8
I would just be on his case until he did it, but try to be logical and understanding about it. If he says he doesn’t want to deal with it, just reply that neither do you, but it needs to get done. If he doesn’t understand why all this stuff needs to get done so early, show him your to-do list to give him an idea of how many tasks you still have left. If he agrees it needs to be done but doesn’t want to do it himself, gently remind him that it was he who insisted on the huge wedding. Can’t argue with logic 🙂
Post # 9
Assign him things if you want him to help.
Really though, this gives you free creative license. If he doesn’t help, he doesn’t get to complain later =]. Darling Husband was deployed when we planned the wedding and I simply just did it all…it was too stressful trying to get his opinion…men can be so apathetic about weddings =. i would totally threaten to cut stuff out if he doesn’t help though!
Post # 10
Thanks for all the feedback. I’m going to try to avoid being too passive agressive and just tell him that I need help. I’m guessing he’s thinking that since the wedding is 6 months away, there’s plenty of time to get everything done. But, since we’re DIYing our invites and table runners and centerpieces and just about everything that isn’t food or music (except for the ceremony – we’re doing an iPod for that since it’s a civil ceremony with 30 guests – followed by the 200 person reception) that really, 6 months isn’t a ton of time. Especially since we’re going to be relandscaping our backyard once the snow is gone (and I’d really prefer to be outside when it’s nice instead of working on DIY stuff inside).
So, I’ll just lay it all out – “here’s what we have to do, here’s when it needs to be done by, here’s why I want to get it done now, and since you’re the one who’s really excited about this big shindig you need to help me now so we aren’t stuck inside on nice days instead of being on a boat.”
Post # 11
Good news to share: when I got home, FH and I discussed the whole thing and he is willing to help out as long as I provide him with a specific time table that gives him time to work it into his schedule. And I told him that when he says “I don’t want to deal with this now” the sane part of my brain snaps and I want to throw the whole wedding out the window and just go to city hall because I don’t want to deal with it either.
And, 36 hours into the 48 hour request – invite copy is proofed, I’ve printed my mock-up and am ready to go into production. Yay!
Post # 12
Yay! Glad it’s getting done!