Post # 16
loz24 : Yeah, seriously. Just because I have event planning experience doesn’t mean I’ve ever planned a wedding. I haven’t even been to that many so I don’t have that much to pull from besides researching online. He actually experienced it and walked down the aisle with someone else so he definitely has more experience than me!
Post # 17
wonderwedding : Yeah I know he probably still has some stuff to work out re: the breakup of his first marriage so that’s probably part of the issue too. Doesn’t help that I try to be sensitive about it and not ask him too much.
Post # 18
I don’t think it’s that men don’t care about the wedding but they certainly don’t seem to buy into the wedding industry in most cases. I find most brides get way too involved in details that don’t matter and then get annoyed that their groom doesn’t care about the colour scheme etc. If wedding planning is really consuming that much of your time then leave some things out, it really doesn’t take that much time to plan a wedding.
Post # 19
my husband wanted to be involved in food and music only. he didn’t care about any other aspect. i planned the rest with my mom. everyone was happy.
ETA: i did give him choices as i didn’t want to make every final decision, but he agreed with what i wanted. then i said i didn’t want to feel like the only one planning, so he planned our entire honeymoon (2 weeks touring italy). he’s a great travel planner .
Post # 20
ajillity81 : I like that idea. We’ll see how it goes, but if he’s still not contributing much, I’ll ask him to plan the honeymoon.
Post # 21
That must be disappointing.
My husband wasn’t super interested in planning, once a month or so I’d sit him down to discuss the stuff I was researching. It would be great if your partner was as equally invested as planning the event as you are. However, if he’s not, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to marry you.
Post # 22
My husband is not much of a planner so I pretty much plan most things. I usually do most of the research, and then present him with the information. I present him with some options. He gets overwhelmed if we look at too many options.
It was pretty much the same with the wedding. It was a basic enlopement wedding, but we still had things to plan and decisions to make. I did the research and presented some options to him. He picked an option.
My husband did go pick out his tux, tie, and vest. He helped me write the vows. He picked out some verses that he wanted in the ceremony.
Seriously, most of it was my work. Most of our holidays are the same. My husband has plenty of things he does well, but planning isn’t one of them.
Post # 23
brideinwaiting234 : is honestly just elope. If things are getting to stressful and he won’t step up then he probably doesn’t care about the wedding.
Post # 24
You need to tell him that his lack of help makes you feel like he doesn’t want to marry you. That’s a terrible feeling! Most likely that’s not at all where this inertia on his part is coming from – he may have anxiety or not be a detail person or feel like he’s already been through it so the ceremony and reception aren’t that exciting for him – but that doesn’t make it okay for it to all fall on you. I agree with PP that he should take a few things he is excited about and be responsible for those. My husband took the lead on our menu, the DJ, and organizing the shuttle buses. I still feel like I did about 90% of the planning but he was engaged in the process and gave me input whenever I asked. I’m just more of a planner than he is, and I cared way more about the details and how things were going to look, so I didn’t mind.
I feel like weddings are one place where the emotional and mental labor are enormous and frequently fall on one person more than the other, typically the bride thanks to gender stereotypes. Even “managing” him into a couple of tasks is work you honestly shouldn’t have to do. But just know that it’s pretty common. If he treats you well in other ways this is hopefully a blip on the radar and a good talk will lead to the actions you need to see to feel like you’re on a team and not pulling the wagon alone. Good luck!
Post # 25
mrsptobe2017 : Thank you so much for your response. I think it’s the “managing him” that is probably making me the most annoyed as I don’t feel like I should really have to manage a 40 year old man and he should be more excited and ready to volunteer instead of me telling him what to do and exactly how to do it. I didn’t have a way of expressing it but now I do. I think I’ll talk to him and use those words.
Post # 26
I’m getting married this Saturday. I’ve done the bulk of the planning but I’ve given him jobs. He is in charge of the ceremony, cars and music. He has done a good job. Give him tasks.
Post # 27
My wedding is next month, and I’ve been pretty busy with school and work in the past few months. Our wedding is going to be relatively small. There are definitely still important things left to do, but due to lack of time, I’m having a very laid-back approach to things.
I’m leaving things like the cake, the music, the officiant, the groom’s wardrobe/ring, and most of the decorations up to my fiance.
If he doesn’t do them, then it just won’t get done.
It helps that I only really care about getting married, so if the day arrives and my fiance is suitless, and ring less, and there’s no cake or music, then that’s fine as long as the officiant is actually there and we can still marry.
Not sure if that is actually an option for you though. It only works if no f***’s are given lol.
Post # 28
My husband wasn’t involved much in the planning process other than helping plan the menu. He did plan our honeymoon though and took care of most of that. He also would help by going by vendors if I needed him to drop off something. That was a big help. As far as details go I did like other bees mentioned and gave him an already narrowed down selection to choose from so that he had a say without being overwhelmed by all the details I was offering up.
Post # 29
I’m sorry that you’re going through this. I agree with others that not being interesting in planning a wedding may not equate with not wanting to marry you. I’m not interested in planning my own wedding but I really love my fiancé and can’t wait to be married.
I’m not sure what you’ve told him but it might help if he knew exactly how you were feeling and ask him why he’s not more involved in the process.
Post # 30
Exact same thing with my husband. He said he wanted to be involved, when I asked him he’d shut down. So, I happily planned it all myself. Better with him out of the way. 🙂
But your last paragraph is a little concerning. Sorry if you already addressed that- I didn’t read the whole thread.