Fiance not interested in wedding planning… what to do?

posted 1 year ago in Engagement
Post # 31
Member
278 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2018

This is hard and I’ve been there. Neither of us are great planners, but I am much less of a procrastinator than he is and also had way more time (he was working way overtime and traveling tons). I tried to involve him and just got frustrated, he got frustrated. It’s emotional work.

Our solution was: 1) sit down and I asked, seriously, if he actually wanted to be involved–he said he didnt care, except a few things, so I decided almost everything (colors, decor, menu, paper, etc.) I know in the end some things weren’t exactly how he’d have done it, but he didn’t complain because he knew I’d done the work. 2) the stuff he wanted to be “in on”–I told him he was responsible for those things. This meant some things were done later than I’d have chosen, but he got them done. 3) hired a wedding coordinator. So worth it. (But you still have to make lots of decisions!) 4) didn’t really DIY much of anything. Also (for us) worth it.

I knew we wanted to marry each other and our priority was to do so, with friends and family there, and have a great beach party. This was the best way to do that for us. I say figure out your shared priorities and individual priorities, and divide it up according to what works for you as a couple and don’t get too hung up on what should be done. Grooms do need to be involved, but you also don’t have to force a Pinterest perfect wedding if that doesn’t fit you as a couple. 

Post # 32
Member
751 posts
Busy bee

 

Whoa! Wait! Why do you think that he doesn’t want to marry you?

If I marry, it would be my second time. That means to me that I want to do as little planning as possible because I don’t want to remember anything of my 1st wedding. It was a sh*tstorm wedding. (Though marriage was considerably worse!)

That doesn’t mean that I am lackluster about my SO. I would be ecstatic to finally having done it right. But the wedding planning part would still be a little annoying for me. Though I would very much want to be included in big decisions, but not the details.

Post # 33
Member
1976 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Pearson Convention Centre

My husband wasn’t interested in the decor or flowers. So I did that on my own. My wedding dress and accessories I did with our moms and everything else we did together but I first narrowed the selections down that way we only met with two vendors from each category then it was easier to make a decision

Post # 34
Member
1197 posts
Bumble bee

brideinwaiting234 :  “Most men just….”

For the love of all that is holy, please disregard any advice that starts with those words. Those are the kind of attitudes that have him “babysitting” the kids, “helping” around the house and being “given tasks” like he is generously assisting you to plan his own damn wedding!

You are not marrying “most men”, you are marrying your partner, so you can throw out whatever garbage expectations and stereotypes come with “most men”. More importantly though, you are entering an equal partnership with a fellow adult who should be able to take responsibility and participate, just like you are doing.

As others have already said, sit him down and straight up ask him if he still wants to get married.  I am sure he does, so ask him what kind of wedding he wants to have. He doesn’t get to hide behind “not caring about the details” or deferring to “whatever you want” – if he envisions a quick courthouse ceremony, then that is what he needs to tell you, so you can work together on planning that wedding or finding a compromise between your two visions.

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