(Closed) Fiance not really contributing to the planning process?

posted 5 years ago in Grooms/men
  • poll: Does your man help you with things for the wedding without complaining?
    YES : (35 votes)
    53 %
    NO : (31 votes)
    47 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    951 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    My Fiance doesn’t contribute too much, but I prefer it that way as I am quite opinionated and like things a certain way! I do give him opportunities to give his opinion and try to listen carefully so that I can make sure his thoughts are heard.

    Most of the time, I make the decisions and do the planning but that’s the type of person I am and not hte type of person he is.

    One strategy I use is instead of overwhelming him with 12 different cake choices, I show him my top 3 and ask him for his choice within that. Did the same thing with Save the Dates, and will do the same for wedding invitations and such. It allows him to be involved in the decisions, but in a controlled way so that I don’t totally disagree with him!

    Now that I write this I see that it sounds a bit controlling lol. Oops.

    Post # 6
    Member
    6021 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2017

    @Lepidoptera:  when we were planning a big wedding, he wanted nothing to do with almost all aspects of planning our day. He basically gave me freedom to do it myself, the downside was that he also didnt help with things like this. Its quite common for the bride to be way more hands on. If you really just need his help than just say “no, I would really appreciate your help with this so can you please just help me?” as far as the opinions go, its more common for the guys to not have one when it comes to all things wedding than it is for them to have a strong opinion about any one thing or all of it.

    btw, my strategy was to pick what I wanted, then take it to him and say, “is there anything you hate about this?” as long as he didnt hate it, I was good to go. choices didn’t really work since he would be like “whatever you want”. I would also say to him “i am doing the decision making and the planning so it would be nice if you could at least help me with something like this so that I can get it done”.

    Post # 7
    Member
    951 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @Lepidoptera:  Me too, I will literally look at thousands of invitations to pick 5 that I like. Fiance might think I’m insane. I just get a little obsessive about this stuff. When we were house hunting, I looked at literally every listing in the city online under a certain price point before narrowing it down. I think I looked at more than 600 homes. Yikes!

    Post # 8
    Member
    9489 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @crystalrae:  Agree!

    My Fiance isn’t too interested (he’s had his moments) but I PREFER it that way because I get to make the decisions and it’s much easier with 1 than 2.  And I’m pretty opinionated on it and I want things my way for the most part Smile

    Post # 9
    Member
    1839 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    i can’t really vote. he doesn’t COMPLAIN about helping, he is just SO SLOW and i’m getting annoyed

    Post # 10
    Member
    9489 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    HA!  I have probably looked at 1000 invitations too. I have shown him about 10-15 and I think that is too many.  It has taken me about a month of looking on and off to finally decide (haven’t ordered yet though).  I get that wedding brain and it takes ahold of me.

    Post # 11
    Member
    252 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    when I need the credit card he hands it over.  That is his contribution and I’m fine with that.  He doesn’t need to be involved in every detail.  When we get to the menu planning part, he will be a big part of that, but chair sashes, flowers?  centerpieces? Um no.

    Post # 12
    Member
    951 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I hear ya ladies! There should be a support group for obsessive brides to be!

    Post # 14
    Member
    3417 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014 - Lodge

    He doesn’t complain if I ask him but he always says “I’m not creative.  I have no idea how it will look”.  So its up to me, myself and I :).  It works though because if I plan something he doesn’t like later he can’t complain if he didn’t share his opinion.

    Post # 15
    Member
    11273 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2012

    tbh, my dh didn’t really have much to say when it came to the planning.  i didn’t mind though.  if i asked him what he thought about something, he would just reply, “whatever you want.”  he knew that i would pick what i wanted anyways.

    it was initially frustrating but i just decided to let it go and do what i wanted. 

    he was very good at researching things that i needed, like a backdrop and stand for our step and repeat logos.

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