(Closed) Fiance parents wants us to do a prenup- but he will loose everything if we dont.

posted 6 years ago in Legal
Post # 3
Member
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@bridetobedee:  How can they take his assets if they are already under his name?  ETA: Nevermind, I see that he wants to voluntarily give it up.  Honestly, it doesn’t sound like they are going to change their mind so easily about you.  No way would I ever encourage my fiance to give up all his money for me just to prove a point!

Post # 4
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

If the issue is between them and you, not you and your fiance, just sign it (after having your own good lawyer review it, obviously).  Only include the things he owns jointly with them or would inherit from them.  He can still will it to you.  I have an issue with prenups in general, but if it’s only to protect his parents’ “stuff” – it doesn’t seem damaging. 

My husband has a few accounts that are joint with his parents – they’ve distributed some of their wealth to their children.  If they had asked for a prenup to protect that money I wouldn’t have had a problem with it – it’s theirs.  If they tried to meddle in what belongs to my husband or myself – I’d have an issue. 

Post # 5
Member
6222 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

Honestly, I would just sign the prenup… You don’t have to break up just because you signed the prenup.
It’s to protect their assets, and as you said, they don’t know you, whether that’s their choice or not.

Post # 6
Member
10603 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

With a prenup, all parties involved should have representation.

Does your Fiance have any assets or business with his parents?  If so, I would sign one as it’s no longer just about a couple, but it also affects one set of parents.  It sounds like the business at least is set up that way.

His parents shouldn’t have any say over what is his alone though.  Your Future In-Laws shouldn’t have a say in anything that doesn’t affect them.  You and your Fiance can work out your individual assets with the prenup which might be as detailed or lacking as you want (keeping it all legal though).

Post # 7
Member
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

I would encourage him to be rational and keep his current assets. I would also support him if he chose to tell his parents to take a very long walk off of a very short bridge.

It sounds like he needs to establish firm boundaries with his parents and not be afraid to cut the lines of communication of they insist upon being a toxic influence in his life. His parents are trying to make a power play, and it is up to him to respond in a calm and well thought-out manner.

Post # 8
Member
4921 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

IMO, preups can be a good idea. I say that having watched my parents monster divorce and IMO the money stuff is just legal, not emotional. I get why people can get insistent on them. 

Having said that

it’s your life, your marriage, your husband and no one elses buisness. Tell them firmly together, we do not believe in this, we will not sign it. 

Edit: sounds like they’re trying to financially pressure or bully him a bit. F that. 

Post # 9
Member
9952 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Hard to make a recommendation without seeing the actual pre-nup.

In truth Pre-Nups tend to be a big turn off for many people (so you guys aren’t alone on this) because it brings up the mind set that there is a possibility that things won’t work out in your Marriage (BEFORE you’ve even gotten married) or the idea that things could ever get horrible or nasty between the two of you.

But in reality that stuff does happen to couples.  Divorce is a scary idea… but somewhere between 30% and 50% of couples marrying will find themselves in that position in the future.

What most folks don’t realize, is that a “regular” pre-nup works both ways… it can be a document that represents the interests of both of you… not just one person (altho often it is one person pushing for it… if they are the one with all the cards)

But in reality, it can be written with clauses in it that serve to protect the person with less financial position as well….

Example…

IF he initiates a Divorce in the first 5 Years… then you’d get Amount X

IF you initiate it in the first 5 Years… then the Amount would be less depending on how many years you were actually married (X-Y)

And clauses to cover these same scenarios if there were kids etc

From your post what I’d be concerned about is that it sounds like the Inlaws have written the Pre-Nup (talk about overstepping their bounds)

But in anycase, I’d sit down with a Lawyer, and see what they have to say about what is in the document.

I mean I see two scenarios here…

1- You both agree to sign the Pre-Nup… you get your guy, he gets the money… and you both get to enjoy the benefits of having it in your life

2- You chuck the Pre-Nup… you get the guy, he doesn’t get the money… and neither of you get to enjoy the benefit of “having money”… but you have each other

At any rate…

I’m not a lawyer, and haven’t read the document.

So you aren’t going to get any precise info by posting a topic on a Public Forum on the Internet (be it WBee or any where else).

You really need to sit with someone well versed in Estate Law to read the fine print for you guys.

Good Luck.

PS… Sounds to me like you have an awesome guy.  Just don’t be fool-hearty… cutting your noses off to spite your face.  There could very well be a scenario that will work for everyone.

 

Post # 10
Member
2783 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I don’t see why it matters.

It’s their money, and you aren’t planning to break up anyway.

What difference does it make? Sure it isn’t romantic, but if you truely don’t care about the money, why not just sign it to appease them? That would at least go towards proving you aren’t with him just for the money.

If he tells them to take everything back, then he will probably effectively end his relationship with his parents…and while he may not care now, that might change later….

Post # 11
Member
1966 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

A pre nup is there to protect all of your assets. Divorce is a very real part of life, its not a horrible idea to protect yourself. Why not prove them wrong & sign the prenup?? If its not about the money. Can I ask how long you’ve been together?

Post # 13
Member
668 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Why are you so against a pre-nup? It protects you too and you can frankly put whatever you want in there so if he wants you to have it all it could say that and then you’re both happy :-).

Seriously though. A Pre-nup doesn’t mean you’re going to fail. It’s actually really useful to do for purposes of financial planning. I’m getting one with Fiance since we both will get substantial inheritances one day in the future. Does it mean I think we’re doomed, definitely not or I wouldnt be marrying him!!

Post # 14
Member
920 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I would hate to sign it seeing as they are being so selfish and judgemental.  But if that is what it takes to keep his inheritence – then who cares! You are getting married bc you plan on being together forever!!

Post # 15
Member
9181 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

If it comes down to signing a prenup or having your Fiance lose his money, I’d just go with the prenup.  You can have the last laugh when you are together forever and never have to use it.

If you can not sign the prenup but keep the inheritance, then hell yeah, go for that.

Sorry his parents are such dickholes  🙁

Post # 16
Member
1181 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’d just go ahead and sign it. Like another bee said have a lawyer look at it.  His parents are just trying to protect him.  I know these situations suck but if you love each other what does it matter?  Side note-I had a friend who’s parents are very wealthy and his fiance wouldn’t sign the prenup, they didn’t get married.  I personally think he’s better off because it didn’t seem like she loved him.  After their prenup fiasco they broke up and she ended pregnat with another guy withhin the space of a month.

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