Fiancé ran away right before wedding. Is it possible for him to really change?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
1012 posts
Bumble bee

Absolutely not – he is showing you his true colors, judging you, your family, and abandoned you. He abandoned you!! 

Do not take him back. 

Mourn, lick your wounds, and move on. 

Post # 17
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.  Cease contact.  Change your phone number, your locks, block him everywhere he can be blocked.  

What an asshole.  He LITERALLY ran away.  And decided 10 minutes later that he “made a mistake”????  Bullshit.  And just because your parents got divorced doesn’t mean you will (as I’m sure you realize!).  What a stupid excuse.  

Post # 18
Member
558 posts
Busy bee

I’m usually an advocate of second chances. In this case though, I’d say DO NOT GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE! Yes, you still love him and that’s perfectly normal, but what he has done is unforgivable. He didn’t only run away once, he kept threatening to leave you and started fights about your family. Your trust is broken and I don’t think you will ever be able to trust him again.

Plus, if he had those thoughts all the time in the past, chances are they will come back in the future. What if you give him another chance, he comes back, you get married and then a year from now he runs away again? Or you get pregnant in two years and one day you come home and he disappeared again without saying anything? Is this the life you want, constantly living in fear that he’ll change his mind again and leaves you? You deserve SO much better than that. Tell him that he should stay where he is, and then cut all contact. I promise you will feel better in time. Hugs.

Post # 19
Member
480 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Sorry this happened. Don’t let this guy back in your life, he is a liar without a spine. He let you wait for him in the cold at a train station while he made his great escape! What an asshole! Good riddance.

Post # 20
Member
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

“I can’t get over the fact that while I was planning to spend the rest of my life with him, he was planning his escape route.”

You shouldn’t get over that. You should tell him that he can go fuck himself because you deserve a man who will fight to be with you through issues, not run away. You said yourself that you deserve better, so please, please, please take your own advice. 

What happened is awful, and I’m sorry you’re going through this, but you’ll be so much better off without him in the long run. I’m sure you know that in your gut. 

Post # 21
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Please listen to all these wise responses!  Take lots of time to grieve and mourn your loss but keep your resolve and don’t go back.  It will be so hard and you’ll feel so lonely!  But know that you’ll get through this.  Find support on forums like these or anywhere else you can.  You can do this! 

 

Post # 22
Hostess
3832 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

slomotion :  I was going to say exactly the same thing. This defies explanation. He has no excuse. Just NO. What an awful human to drag you through this. 

Post # 23
Member
2014 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Post # 24
Member
127 posts
Blushing bee

NONONONO. Bee, you don’t deserve this! I am so sorry for how he treated you, but this is SUCH a red flag! He doesn’t deserve you or your family. 

Post # 25
Member
1273 posts
Bumble bee

Just echoing everything that everyone else has said here. Big fat NO!!!!!

This guy is judgmental, immature and selfish. He does not communicate well, he deceives you and he is arrogant enough to think that after all he has done to you, he still deserves a chance. You can do sooooooooo much better.

Post # 26
Member
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

What a jerk. Not only have you had to deal with your parents divorcing, but he’s also held it against you and implied you’ll end up divorced. All that instead of supporting you. He’s shown you who he is. Believe him. 

And no, many many children of divorce never follow that path themselves. That’s total BS.

Post # 27
Member
9604 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

omg NO it is not possible. Your ex is a coward piece of shit. He does not want to marry you and you should not want to marry him. In time you will see you dodged a bullet. Move on and cut all contact completely. Never speak to him again.

Post # 28
Member
4698 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

For the love of god.. NEVER speak to him again! What a coward. 

In time, you’ll realize you don’t deserve this and that he’s a loser. He can regret this for the rest of his life, while you move on with yours. 

Post # 29
Member
5155 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

ceeceebb :  You deserve SO MUCH BETTER. It sounds like your relationship was already on the outs. Threatening to “go back home” is NOT a fair threat, just as “I wont marry you” isnt a fair threat. Guarantee you if you were married, hed use “I’m going to divorce you” as a threat too.

STAY FAR, FAR AWAY. Please. 

Post # 30
Member
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

You should just say “no thanks” then block and delete him from your phone and any social media. then go find someone who won’t run from his problems by hopping a plane to fly half way across the WORLD, only to call you from said plane to say he made a mistake? Uhh… no? Good riddance. 

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