Fiancé ran away right before wedding. Is it possible for him to really change?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 46
Member
86 posts
Worker bee

How are you doing now? This sounds like a really toxic environment and I just want to say, imagine if he had done this when you had children OR if he TOOK the child back to his home country. I’m here to tell you, you dodged a bullet. He could have been very manipulative saying that his family wants to see the kid too or something. I’m so curious what country he’s from! Not that it matters but I dated someone for 4 years from the Middle East so he was very similar when it came to families. 

Post # 48
Member
1330 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Painswick Church and the Falcon Hotel

You can’t have a relationship with someone you can’t rely on! 

Post # 49
Member
6 posts
Newbee

As a man, I am telling you to leave this guy as just a hard learned lesson. Move on to the next chapter. I’ve never heard of someone so conflicted and indecisive in my life. His views and opinions are jacked up to say the least. He obviously can’t handle the responsibility of becoming a husband. You’ve given him one too many chances. The man is a flip flopper. One day he feels this way. The next day it’s the total opposite. Even if you did get married you guys will end up separated. All that time and energy wasted for nothing. I’m sure you were hoping for a happy ending with this man. The thing is you can’t force something that’s not meant to happen. Especially, when there are clear signs he is going to bring you nothing, but constant heart ache. I know it’s tough, but you need to LET HIM GO. There are way too many fish in the sea for you not to find someone who values your bond. This is the problem with a lot of people in relationships. You’ve given him way too many chances because you wanted to believe his words. His actions prove he’s not fit for a husband or being a real man for that matter. I don’t care if he’s from a foreign nation or not!

Post # 50
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee

As an east Asian descent myself (grew up in the US), I understand the culture of people viewing divorce as a disgrace to the rest of the family, and how much other family members (especially the parents) can influence young people’s marriage and major life events. But I’m having a hard time trying to get over the fact that someone who is supposed to love you enough to make you his wife would trick you into waiting for him in the cold for 45min while he packs up to make an escape… what a weasel! It’s less of his cultural influence, but more so HIM who is messed up, immature and selfish.. 

I’m so sorry he treated you so poorly and embarassed you like that…you deserve a man who respect you and love you for who you are! He will never get over the original issue that drove you two apart and will just break your heart again if you take him back. Would you really want to build a marriage on shaky grounds with a man who will let your parents’ divorce get in between your happiness? 

I am so glad to hear that you are feeling better and moving forward. Stay strong bee! XOXO

Post # 51
Member
580 posts
Busy bee

uplift121 :  Are you just responding to posts to give your advice “as a man”? Please check updates, she already moved on and is going well.

Post # 52
Member
6 posts
Newbee

nowthisistaken :  I tell women I’m responding from a male perspective because 1) I don’t see nearly as many men commenting on here. It’s good for the ladies to have that perspective. 2) To give my advice coming from a rational standpoint. If she has moved on, great! I don’t necessarily read thru the entire posts made from other people. I hope she continues to do well!

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